Welcome to Charley’s Blog Life
Welcome to Charlene Eckstein's blog, where love, relationships, dating, attraction, and romance take center stage. Drawing from her experiences as a writer and author, Charlene explores the psychology and everyday experiences behind romantic connection—from recognizing the signs of attraction and understanding sexual chemistry to navigating relationships, dating, and finding love.
You'll also find lifestyle content, books, food and recipes, and videos along the way. Whether you're trying to understand your own relationship, decode someone's behavior, or simply enjoy a good conversation about love and attraction, you'll find something here to explore.
6 Signs You Have Outgrown Your Relationship
As the years go by, we grow and we change. Our wants and desires from 10 years ago may be vastly different than what they are today. It is inevitable. Life happens, priorities change, and as we gain insight and knowledge, our world view changes as well.
Unfortunately, sometimes our growth can negatively impact relationships in our lives, especially romantic relationships. The guy or girl that you were at 25 is not the same person at 35. You basically outgrow people in your life, including romantic partners.
If you are reading this, chances are you have already realized that you have outgrown your partner, but are looking for some definitive signs. Here are the six signs that you have outgrown your relationship.
6 Signs You Have Outgrown Your Relationship
Your Priorities Are Different
She is an ambitious, career focused money saver, while he prefers to focus on his hobbies, spend money like there is a never ending pot of money, and bounces from job to job. While once on the same page, one person has grown and become focused, while the other partner has become stagnant.
Your Interests Are Different
He is a political junkie and a huge Star Wars fan, while she is into reality television and fashion. He wants to talk about the upcoming election, and she is not even a registered voter. There is a problem here.
At some point these two people became polar opposites, and started to lack commonality. One is interested in world events, while the other is interested in looking cute and taking selfies.
Nothing To Talk About
You know that you have outgrown each other when you really have nothing to talk about, or it is the same old stories over and over.
It important to recognize that you have nothing to talk about because you have nothing in common, and you have nothing in common because you have outgrown each other.
You’re Bored
If you find your partner boring, you have outgrown them. The truth is that you find them boring because you now share different interests, are on a different intellectual levels, and no commonality any longer.
Different Values
Once upon a time you were both drinkers and into going out a lot. Now she’s a homebody, but he still likes to drink and go out a lot. She also likes to attend church, but he is a non believer.
Lifestyle and differing religious beliefs are big changes that happen as we grow and mature.
Different Goals
His goal is to have a nice family life with a few kids, while her goal is retire by 50 and then travel world. She doesn’t see kids in her future, and views them as a burden, while he sees children as a blessing.
It is hard to admit to yourself that you have outgrown your relationship without sounding like you are criticizing your partner or being judgey, but it is what it is. You should not feel guilty because you have grown and changed, especially if your growth has been for the better.
What are your thoughts on outgrowing relationships? Do you agree with the signs? When you outgrow a relationship do you stick it out or move on? Please share your experience!
“Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed a tear, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you’re no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay.” - Lee Goff
Photo by Pexels
6 Signs He Wants To Be More Than Friends
Some friendships are destined to take a romantic turn. A relationship rooted in friendship has a solid foundation, and the strong possibility of great compatibility, and many years of happiness. A beautiful friendship can become a beautiful romantic love.
Hopefully both individuals in this friendships are on the same page about whether or not the relationship will remain platonic.
We are often terrible at hiding our feelings from those who barely know us, and it is even harder to hide our feelings from those closest to us. Despite the fact that secret love, and crushes, are often obvious to the bystander, those involved are frequently clueless.
The signs that he wants more than friendship are there if you know what to look for.
6 Signs He Likes You More Than A Friend
FEATURED VIDEO - 6 Signs He Wants To Be More Than Friends
The Way He Looks At You
Do his eyes get all googly when he looks at you? Does he try to hold your gaze for a little too long, or stare at you intensely? If he is your “friend” but gazing into your eyes, he most certainly wants to be more than friends. Unfortunately for him, our eyes often betray us.
We cannot help but want to stare at the object of our affection. His eyes tell you how he feels, and deep, longing looks usually mean feelings of deep longing.
The Way He Communicates With You
Does he frequently find little ways to text you, call you, or just chat you up. You two have your own language, and he often teases you, or calls you by pet names. It is not just about the frequency of the communication, but also the way he talks to you.
He will likely be softer and gentler in his approach, or extra funny and charming. He will also be easy to talk to, which is a big one with women.
How He Treats You In Contrast To Others
Pay close attention to how he treats you in contrast to how he treats others. Do you find that you get to see the softer, funnier, more charming version of him than what others get to experience. While some people might describe him as cold, unapproachable, or quiet, with you he seems to be the complete opposite.
With you he tends to be warm, upbeat, and easy to talk to. So he is basically adorable and hard to resist.
The Amount Of Attention He Gives You
You are never far from his mind, so his focus is usually on you. In a group setting he will seek you out. If you are at a gathering he somehow always ends up by your side. He is always your biggest supporter, and advocate, and will not entertain a negative word against you.
If he cannot be by your side, he will keep you in his line of sight.
His Reaction To Your Presence
If your friend secretly wants more, his body will react immediately to your presence. When you walk into the room he will likely straighten his posture, he may unconsciously start to groom himself, and his eyes will beam, even though he doesn’t realize it.
He wants to look good for you. He may also get a little fidgety and nervous because he wants to make a good impression.
He Gets Jealous
He cannot help himself. The thought of you with another guy drives him crazy. Maybe you’re taken, or perhaps he’s taken, but no matter your current situations it doesn’t change the fact that he wants you to be his.
It doesn’t change the fact that he wants you all to himself, which is why seeing you talk to other guys, or hearing about your dates or relationships not only infuriates him, but also breaks his heart a little.
If a guy does more than a couple of these things in relation to a woman who is not his chick, he has got it bad. If you are interested in your friend as well, flat out confess, or find a way to let him know how you feel. However, if you are not interested, and he is permanently friend zoned, add some distance between you two so as to not lead him on.
What signs do you look for when think someone wants to be more than friends? Do you agree with my list? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“This isn't a crush, it's obsession. You are never not in my thoughts. Your scent carries across a room and paralyzes me with longing. I don't want to hold your hand. Part of me wants to set you on fire and hold you while the flame consumes us both, to eat your heart so I know that only I possess it entirely.” - Gwen Hayes, Falling Under
You can also find the video version of this blog on YouTube. Please don’t forget to like the video, and to subscribe to my channel.
First Date Conversation Starters
First dates can either be super fun and cute, or crazy awkward and uncomfortable. There’s usually not a whole lot of in between. I equate a first date to a job interview. You are nervous, but trying to project confidence, and make a good first impression.
There are literally thousands of questions you could ask your date, but remember your goal, and remember that you are also being interviewed for a possible date number two as well.
The goal is to get to know enough about them on the first date to make a determination of basic compatibility, which is the decider for a second date.
I chose the below questions for the first date because I think they are safe, non controversial questions that give you enough intel about your date, but shouldn’t creep them out. You do not want to make them feel like they are being interrogated, or like they being interviewed to be a sperm donor.
The first date questions should be light and fun, but also informative.
First Date Conversation Starters
Featured Video
1. Where are you from originally?
Many adults move for education and for work, so there is a good chance your date is not a local native. Depending on the part of the country someone is from, or if they were born and raised outside the US, it really shapes the person they are.
2. Where did you go to school?
Asking about his school will give him an opportunity to humble brag, and for you to learn about his educational background and career. Alma Mater pride talk is always fun.
3. What are you favorite things to do?
The purpose of this question is to find commonality. If he enjoys spending his weekends antiquing and visiting art galleries, while you spend your weekends surfing and camping, you are probably not a good fit.
But you also find out that you both love doing the same things, which makes planning a second date a no-brainer.
4. Do you have pets?
Is he a cat lover or dog lover, or hates animals altogether? Sounds like no a big deal, but it would be if the relationship progressed.
It’s great to find out early that your potential mate is allergic to cats, and you have two cats at home.
5. What’s your favorite form of entertainment? Books? Music? Movies?
I do not necessarily consider any answers to these questions deal breakers, and you do not need to have everything in common with a mate, but it is nice when you share similar taste in music and movies.
6. What is your guilty pleasure?
This is just a fun question, and a test to see how much they are willing to open up, and possibly a peek into their silly side. We all have a guilty pleasure, but will they admit to theirs?
There’s nothing wrong with being a terrible singer and loving karaoke.
7. What really annoys you?
Some people find large crowds annoying, while others would rather not interact with children or animals.
It might be helpful to know that their pet peeve is people who are indecisive, especially if you know that is one of your main quirks.
8. Who is your favorite entertainer?
The answer to this question should be very telling, and it should spark lively conversation. Is he open to fun banter and disagreement about who is the best singer, actor, writer, or musician, or does his opinion have to rule?
Be sure to keep the conversation natural, and space your questions out over the course of your time together. Hopefully you will find these questions helpful on your next first date, but remember that while you are asking these questions you are also trying to determine if you and your date have good chemistry.
What is your experience with first dates? Do you agree with my list of conversation staters? What questions would you ask on a first date? Please share your experience!
“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control.” - Gwen
6 Signs He Wants A Serious Relationship…With You
We all come to a point in our lives when we want to slow down, find the right person, and have a life with them. This doesn’t necessarily mean marriage for everyone, in fact many people are blissfully happy in coupledom, with no formal commitment.
However, at some point a decision is made to be in a committed relationship with one person, with the hopes of spending your life together.
Dating is fun, but most of us do not want to date forever. At some point you want to feel that the relationship is heading somewhere, but how do we know. Of course you can always ask him how he feels.
You can have that awkward “where is the relationship going conversation”, when likely you should already know by how he behaves in the relationship.
Signs He’s Interested In A Serious Relationship
He Makes You A Priority
He makes time for you and wants to spend time with you. He ensures that you know where you stand in his life and leaves no doubt that you are a priority to him. When he is running late, or has to work late he let’s you know.
You’ve Met His Friends and Family
Men are not going to bring a woman around their friends and family unless they see the relationship going somewhere. If he wants you to meet his family and friends, then he is telling you he is serious about you, and wants his friends and family to know it as well.
He Wants To Meet Your Family
Meeting the family of someone you are dating for the first time is nerve racking and a little uncomfortable. So if your guy is not only willing, but wanting to meet your family, it is a big sign that he wants a serious relationship with you.
He Makes Nice With Your Friends
A man who sees you as part of his future will want to have a good relationship with your friends. He realizes that they are important to you, and because they are important to you, he wants to have a good relationship with them.
He Wants To Be Exclusive
If a man is serious about you, he will not want to see or date other people. Also, the thought of you dating other guys would be unbearable for him. If he wants to see you and only you, and asks that you are exclusive, then he is saying he wants a serious relationship with you.
He Tells You
A man just coming out and telling you how he feels is obviously the best way to know how he feels, but sometimes getting men to discuss their feeling can be like pulling teeth. But if he is really serious about you, and sees a future with you, he will tell you.
When it comes to matters of the heart, our judgement can become clouded when trying to make a determination between what is and what we want. Life would be much simpler if we all “used our words”, and communicated our wants and feelings clearly. As this is not always the case, we have to read the signs, when we lack the courage for words.
What signs do you look for when you think a relationship is turning serious? Do you agree with the signs I say to look for? Please share your experience!
"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." — When Harry Met Sally
Photo by mentatdgt from Pexels
20 Favorite Quotes About Letting Go and Moving On...
I love a good quote. All good things come to an end, or so I have been told. Whether you are an optimist or a realist, death or circumstance will force the endings to jobs, relationships, and sadly life.
Nothing lasts forever, no matter how much we wished they did sometimes. The challenge comes with letting go, and moving on.
For this blog I picked 20 old and new favorite quotes about moving on and letting go. Some are sweet, some are sad, but they all reflect the importance of letting go in order to be able to move forward. Once you are able to move on, you will have a chance of being happy again.
My 20 Favorite Letting Go And Moving On Quotes
“I think it happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. And so you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”
― Nicholas Sparks, True Believer
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”– Joseph Campbell
“When it comes to love and loss, acceptance is never easy. We can't make someone see all we have to give, make them love us, or make them change. All we can do is move on and stop wasting time.” ― April Mae Monterrosa
“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.”– Nicole Sobon
“Don't tie your heart to a person that has nothing left to offer you. Let it go. It might hurt for a while, but when you get over it, you'll see that its better.” ― Orebela Gbenga
”Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”– Herman Hesse
“The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.” ― Shannon L. Alder
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” ― Tupac Shakur
“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.” – Daphne Rose Kingman
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”– Deborah Reber
“Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.” – Mandy Hale
“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You're aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can't be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn't be.” ― C. JoyBell C.
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” – Ann Lander
“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in.” ― Katherine Mansfield
“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.” - Raymond Lindquist
“The great courageous act that we must all do, is to have the courage to step out of our history and past so that we can live our dreams.” ― Oprah Winfrey
“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”
- Deepak Chopra
“The secret to life is to have no fear. When you can let go of what others think about you, how something is going to turn out, or how your past will affect your future, then you are finally living life free.” ― Shannon L. Alder
“Rejection is one of the worse forms of pain. Loss is the worst. Grief haunts until you allow yourself to move on.” ― Angelica Hopes
“Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed a tear, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you’re no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay.” - Lee Goff
Quotes about letting go and moving on are supposed to be inspirational, supportive, and encouraging. Have you ever found it difficult to let go and move on, and but some good advice helped you? Please share moving on advice or favorite quotes!
Is Love at First Sight Real? What Psychology Says About Instant Attraction
Love at first sight is a phenomenon. You see someone across a crowded room and feel an instant connection and a gut feeling that this person is who you were meant to be with.
Fortunately, luck would have it that the one you fell in love with at first sight just so happens to be hot or gorgeous. No coincidence there, right?
Love, at first sight, is rare, but do you believe it can actually happen? Many will poo poo the concept of love at first sight, and rightfully so, in my opinion.
I mean after all, what could we possibly know about someone after just one sighting or meeting? But others are firm believers that it can happen, mainly because it has happened to them.
Movies and literature would have you believe that love at first happens all of the time and will lead to a “happily ever after” ending.
I mean, after all, didn’t Cinderella get her glass slipper after just one encounter? A moment in time can be wonderful, but what happens when reality sets in?
Here’s What Psychology Says About Love At First Sight
Most psychologists stress the importance of distinguishing attraction from love. People can form first impressions in milliseconds. Within seconds of meeting someone, your brain is already evaluating their body language, facial expressions, their voice, and yes, their level of attractiveness. There is also a perceived familiarity and trustworthiness with this attractive stranger. The immediate reaction to your initial assessment can be powerful and feel like love, but psychologists will say it is likely just attraction.
Psychologists say you can absolutely experience attraction, chemistry, and a profound sense of connection at first sight. Whether it becomes love depends on what happens afterward.
How Biology Plays A Part
That instant attraction you feel is not just happening in your heart and eyes; it’s happening in your brain. The dopamine hit you get when the initial attraction happens is an electric feeling. You feel excited and energized by the feeling. The oxytocin hit you get from being in close proximity to this person will make you feel bonded to them and more physically attracted to them.
Is Love At First Sight Possible?
Reasons To Believe In Love At First Sight
Instant Attraction
Amazing Chemistry
Soulmates
Gut Feeling
Reasons To Not Believe In Love At First Sight
Based Solely On Physical Attributes
Unknown Commonality
Masks Are Still On
You Can’t Love What You Do Not Know
I have often heard love at first sight referred to as “lust” at first sight, and I have to agree. While I have personally never felt like I have fallen in love with someone at first sight, I have had that instant attraction.
I have experienced seeing someone from across the room and feeling a strong emotion as our eyes met. The next time our paths crossed we hit it off and dated for a couple of years. Was it love at first sight? No, it was not love because I didn’t know him, I desired him. Big difference in my opinion.
Would it surprise you to know that more than 50 percent of people believe in love at first sight? It surprised me quite honestly. It just goes to show how much we link feelings of love to physical attraction, at least initially. I say initially because we tend to find people more or less attractive as we get to know them, which I think disproves the possibility of love at first.
What I believe can happen is that an initial attraction and fascination can grow and turn into everlasting love.
What are your thoughts on love at first sight? Are you a believer or a cynic? Has it ever happened to you? Can it be love at first sight if the feeling is only one-sided? Please share your story and experience!
“I meant it when I said I didn’t believe in love at first sight. It takes time to really, truly fall for someone. Yet I believe in a moment. A moment when you glimpse the truth within someone, and they glimpse the truth within you. In that moment, you don’t belong to yourself any longer, not completely. Part of you belongs to him; part of him belongs to you. After that, you can’t take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how hard you try.” - Claudia Gray, A Thousand Pieces Of You
Photo by freestocks.org from Pexels
5 Signs He's Not Interested in You (And It's Time to Pay Attention)
If the man you are crushing on is a friend or if he is a nice guy, he will not want to hurt your feelings by coming out, and directly stating that he is not interested in you romantically. So he may intentionally or unintentionally drop hints in order to spare your feelings.
To spare yourself some heartache and embarrassment you need to know what signs to look for.
Let's be honest, you are probably sending signals, and he may not even be picking up on them. A man can be pretty clueless sometimes when a woman is romantically interested in him. However, if a man is romantically interested as well, there are many signs to look for.
The first sign, and most obvious, is the look in his eyes. Try as we might, we cannot hide love in our eyes.
Signs He Is Not Interested
He Will Talk About Other Women
If a man is romantically interested in you, the last thing he wants is for you to think about him being with another woman. He will avoid discussing other women who could be considered a romantic threat with much care.
But if he is not interested and does not see you romantically, he may openly discuss the women he finds attractive, talk of girlfriends, and mention the women he is dating.
Featured Video
Often Reminds You That You Are Friends
Friendship is the foundation of any strong romantic relationship. However, when you are his "buddy", and he is always reminding you that you are his friend, you have been friend zoned.
Yes, it is possible that he wants you to know how much you mean to him, and how much he values your friendship, but if it is also accompanied by him being gross in front of you and treating you like one of the guys, you're out. He is not interested.
He Avoids Being Alone With You
If a guy is interested, he will want to be able to have his alone time with you. He just wants to talk, and stare, and spend as much one on one time with you as possible. However, if a guy is not romantically interested it will not occur to him to spend alone time with you, or he many even actively avoid it.
The Way He "Doesn't" Look At You
When a man is interested in you romantically there is a lot of eye contact. Ask yourself does he look deep into your eyes when you talk to each other? Does his face light up when you walk into a room? Chances are if you have not seen these behaviors from your love interest, then he is not interested.
Your Gut Feeling
Forget what you want to believe, and listen to your gut feelings. While those deep down feelings, those nagging thoughts in the back of your mind, are not always right, most of the time they are accurate.
You will likely have a feeling deep down that your affection is not returned. It is important not to cloud your thoughts with your desire for a different outcome.
You will not win his heart by doing his laundry, buying him things, or even by being his friend with benefits. He is either feeling you or he is not. You deserve someone who wants to be your guy. You deserve someone who feels the same way you that you do about them.
By now you should be able to recognize whether or not your feelings are returned by your romantic interest. Unrequited love is heartbreaking, but we cannot force someone to feel something they do not, no matter how much we want them to. For the sake of your own heart, and well being, you will need to find a way to move on and get over your love.
Take comfort in knowing that you will fall in love again, and that love will be returned. What is your experience with a romantic interest who seems less than interested? Do you wait and hope, try harder to win them over, or move on? Please share your experience!
“A person doesn't know true hurt and suffering until they've felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.” ― Rose Gordon, Her Imperfect Groom
Photo by Pexels.com
7 Signs He Is Too Possessive In Your Relationship
In relationships there are many feelings felt besides love. Sometimes there is hurt, anger, jealousy, and possessiveness. When someone is jealous they are fiercely protective and watchful over something or someone they believe to be their possession.
Jealousy happens to the best of us occasionally.
I admit that I have felt the sting of jealousy a time or two in a relationship, but I do not consider myself to be a jealous person in general. When I reflect on the times in my past when I have felt jealous, it was due to feelings of insecurity in those relationships.
People tend feel jealous and insecure in relationships where there are issues of trust, and uncertainty of where you stand.
Possessiveness is not the same as jealousy. Possessiveness in a relationship consists of jealousy, but taken up a few notches. Someone who is possessive is demanding, controlling, and jealous to the extreme. They are also master manipulators, and great at making you feel like crap for questioning their methods and motives.
The Signs He Is Too Possessive
He's Controlling
He has to decide the when, where, and how for most of your activities. He wants to have a say so in your friends and who you hang out with. He tries to tell you how to dress, and even tells you how to act.
He Asks For Passwords
He wants the passwords for your email and social media accounts for your safety and well being of course, or so he says. Whether or not he is willing to share his passwords, the answer to this request should be no. This request is about trust and control.
He Smothers
He gives you no space or personal time. He acts like you are joined at the hip and wants to go everywhere with you. It is never healthy for couples to do everything together, and have no life outside of the relationship. But in the case of the possessive guy, he wants to be with you all of the time so he can keep an eye on you.
You're On Call
He has to know where you are at at all times, and if he calls or texts you and you do not immediately answer or respond he freaks out, and the accusations start. He is quick to accuse you of not loving him, not appreciating him, and cheating too. Remember, he is the master manipulator.
He Stalks
He checks your social media and shows up where you are at just to make sure you are where you said you would be. The possessive man obsesses about who you are talking to and what you are doing behind his back. He will watch and stalk you both physically and electronically.
He Doesn't Respect Boundaries
He goes through your personal things, including your purse, your phone, and your drawers. He goes through anything that he thinks you might be able hide something from him. If you are hiding something, you better hide it well.
He Just Loves You So Much
He justifies his controlling, possessive behavior by constantly telling you he is doing it because just loves you "so much". He makes a habit of making you feel guilty for wanting your privacy, your own space, and wanting to make your own decisions.
Jealousy and possessiveness are not the same things. Jealousy is a natural feeling that we all have at some point in time, and can be take too far if we let it. But possessiveness on the other hand is unhealthy, damaging, and dangerous to relationships.
What are your thoughts on jealousy and possessiveness in relationships? Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt extreme jealousy or possessiveness? What was the outcome? Please share your experience!
"Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening." - Maya Angelou
Commitment Issues...6 Signs He's Doesn't Want To Settle Down (With You)
Not everyone necessarily wants to get married and have children, but most of us want companionship and someone to share our lives with. Sometimes finding the right one to spend your life with will come easy, and other times you have to have several practice relationships to get it right.
Ideally, the man you decide to spend the rest of your life with feels the same way, but sometimes that just isn't the case. You fall madly in love with a man and hope that he feels the same way, but your gut is telling you that something is off.
You have that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that he doesn't see you as his forever girl, and instead of listening to your gut, you push those negative thoughts away.
Sure, we would all love to live in la la land, and have our hearts desire dropping to one knee, declaring his love for us, and promising to love you and only you forever and always.
But meanwhile, back in reality, it doesn't always work out that way, and sometimes (wait for it) he's just not that into you. Here are the signs to look for in a guy who has no interest in committing to you.
Signs He Doesn't Want To Settle Down (With You)
He Avoids Discussing the Future
I don't just mean he avoids discussing names for your future fictitious children. I am talking about how he won't commit to being your date for your best friend's wedding in three months. Or he avoids setting a date for a future vacation or for you meeting his family and friends.
He Tells You
If he tells you he never wants to get married and doesn’t want kids, believe him, and do not waste your time trying to convince him he actually wants otherwise. Yes, it is possible that he is just young, or just not at that place in his life where he is even thinking about settling. But if you are in that "place" of wanting to get married and possibly start a family, you need to keep it moving.
He may change his mind, but maybe he won't. You are not at the same place in life. and it would be foolish to put your hopes and dreams on hold for someone who may never get to that "place".
He Wants To See Other People
He tells you he wants to see other people and encourages you to do the same. This is not a good sign at all. Not only is he telling you that he is keeping his options open, but he is also saying he doesn't even care if you are dating or sleeping with other guys. A man who doesn't want you all to himself, is a man who doesn't really want you.
He Doesn't Make You A Priority
Time with him is all about what is convenient for him. He sometimes makes you feel that he is doing you a favor by spending time with you, and doing things that are important or of interest to you. If you feel like you are not a priority to him, it is because you are not.
He Doesn’t Like Labels
You have been seeing him for months, yet you still have no idea if you are a couple or not. He introduces you as his friend, and when you ask him where things are going he deflects by telling you he doesn't like labels. If this is the case, he doesn't want you for his girlfriend or anything else remotely resembling a commitment.
You Just Know
It's that gut feeling telling you that you are way more into him, than he is into you. You want him, and you want the relationship to work so bad, but your gut is telling you that he is not for you, and the relationship is not meant to be.
There comes a time in most us our lives when want to slow down, and have stability in both our personal and professional lives. It is important not to waste your time and break your own heart waiting around for a guy who doesn't want the same things you want. Or maybe, I know this is harsh, but he just doesn't want to spend his life with you.
Don't be the girl that tricks, manipulates, or gives a guy an ultimatum to get him to commit to you. Marriages that start off with reluctance are not likely to have a happy ending. You are better than that and you deserve so much more. Be patient. You cannot force these things. If you force a relationship with a man who doesn't want to settle down, or at least not settle down with you, you are likely to have a lot of regret in your future.
What is your experience dealing with a guy who won't commit? What did you do? Did you go, or did you stay? Please share your experience?
"Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” - James Patterson, The Angel Experiment
7 Signs He’s A Really Good Guy
Far too often men get a bad rap as being dogs, but fortunately there are many good men out there. They are not myths, or unicorns, and are not all taken, but maybe, just maybe, we tend to look in the wrong places. And unfortunately on occasion, we completely overlook the really good guy who is right in front of us.
I get it, sometimes the good guy in your life is a guy you have zero interest in. Fair enough, but just be sure that your dream guy wish list is realistic, and doesn't prioritize external qualities, over character and values. Otherwise, you may have buyer's remorse.
If I am being completely honest, in my younger years my dream guy wish list always consisted of hot guys, who were smart, funny, and fun. The good guy part was never on the list, I guess because I naively assumed that my funny, hot guy would also be a good man.
I quickly learned that while a man can possess all of these magnificent qualities, I also learned that a pretty face can often hide an ugly heart.
7 Signs Of A Really Good Guy
FEATURED VIDEO
He Respects Women
A good man treats women with respect. He does not refer to them in derogatory terms. A good man does not abuse women. And the biggie is that a good man does not see women as less than him because they are females.
He Is Dependable
A good man is a man you can count on. He is reliable and dependable, and always there for you. He is also there for other important people in his life as well. He is a dependable friend, son, brother, and co-worker too.
He Is Honest
A good man values honesty in a relationship, and recognizes the importance that it goes both ways. He is comfortable opening up and being honest with you, and he creates a "safe" environment for you to do the same.
He Is Kind
A good man shows his kindness, or lack there of, in the way he treats people, including you. He does not speak to you in a disrespectful manner, he does not put you down, and he does not hurt your feelings intentionally.
He Is Supportive
A supportive man is not threatened or jealous of your success, but instead wants to see you achieve your goals and dreams. He encourages you, offers advice when needed, and makes you feel like he is always team you.
He Is Caring
If a man is caring, he is comfortable showing his affection for you. Getting him to give you a hug, or tell you how much you mean to him should not be like pulling teeth. If he cannot show affection or seems cold and uncaring, you are likely dealing with an emotionally unavailable man.
He Is Trustworthy
A good man is trustworthy. He will work hard to earn your trust, and prove to you that he is worthy of your love. He earns your trust by keeping his word, and by being honest even when it means telling you something you do not want to hear.
There are more than a few good men out there if you know what to look for. It is all a matter of you deciding that a good man is what you want and not settling for less. Do you prefer a good man or a bad boy? What is your experience with finding good men? Do you think it is it hard to find a good man? Please share your experience!
"Women with low self-esteem love bad boys. Women who have work to do love bad boys. Women who love themselves love good men." - Tracy McMillan