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How To Stop Settling In Relationships and Sabotaging Your Own Future Happiness
We all know someone who seems to have settled for someone who does not treat them right or give them the love or respect they deserve. Or maybe in this case you are the someone. Either way, settling is not something most people want to do but what they feel they “have” to do.
Settling is about accepting less than what you want or need in a relationship, with the hopes that things will get better, hopes that he will change, and hopes that you will eventually be happy in your circumstances.
There are two major ways women settle in relationships. Society puts a lot of pressure on women and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find a partner, get married, and have children. Of course, it doesn’t help that that internal clock is ticking with our fertility years closing in on us.
Although many women are choosing to have children in their late thirties and early forties or have children on their own using a sperm donor, these are not necessarily options for the masses.
With a limited pool of good, available men looking for committed relationships some women start to settle for the “next best thing”. Here are the ways women settle.
Ways Women Settle In Relationships
Settling For The First Man Who Gives You Attention
Maybe you were the shy girl or the awkward girl, or chubby insecure girl who never thought any guy, let alone a cute guy would give you a second glance. Then one day a cute and charming guy comes into your life and gives you the romantic attention you always craved. The problem is he’s really not that great of a catch.
Waiting Around Hoping He Will Wife You
Many of us go into relationships with hopes of a future life together. That future life may just mean a happy partnership of cohabitation for the rest of your lives. But for many others, that future life includes a house, a dog, and two and a half kids with a ring on the finger.
Allowing Fear To Rule You
You fear being alone or starting over so you tolerate and accept crap. We all have fears, but allowing fear to control you will ultimately be the difference between a life of happiness and a life of regret.
Very few choose to completely go it alone in this life, but choosing a partner because you fear that no one else better or right for you will come along is a great way to be in a relationship and feel lonely and sad. Being with the wrong person will do that for you.
How To Not Settle In A Relationship
It all comes down to knowing your worth. There are certain things we all settle for in this life but the man you cohabitate with, the man you marry or the father of your children should not be in that category. You deserve better and so do your future children.
Desperation has a horrible stench and is a real turn-off to men. Take a breath. Is it really the end of the world if you don’t get married until you are forty or if you ever get married at all? Why? Because society has made up arbitrary rules of what a happy, successful life looks like?
Or maybe you find many wonderful men but they just don’t seem to want to marriage or a serious relationship with you. Yes, that sucks, but you cannot force a connection or love where there isn’t one and you cannot make someone truly commit if they are not ready or do not view you as the one.
What are your thoughts on settling? Have you ever settled in a relationship? Would you ever settle again? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“This is what I know. Don't settle for 40, 50, or even 80 percent. A relationship-it shouldn't be too small or too tight or even a little scratchy. It shouldn't take up space in your closet out of guilty conscience or convenience or a moment of desire. Do you hear me? It should be perfect for you. It should be lasting. Wait. wait for 100 percent.” ― Deb Caletti, The Secret Life of Prince Charming
5 Benefits Of Waiting To Have Sex
The dating game and how we find a mate has changed over time, but the fundamentals of the heart and human desire remain the same. The importance of sexual intimacy is different for everyone, and the weight placed on the act of sex in or out of relationships varies vastly from person to person depending on age, gender, upbringing, and religious beliefs.
I think many people, women in particular, struggle with the decision of when to sleep with a man. What is considered too soon to sleep with a guy you just met or just started dating? Is it okay to sleep with him on the first date or do I wait until after the fifth date? The truth is there is no right answer.
This blog is not about slut-shaming, but it is about thinking about how early intimacy can affect future relationship possibilities and how it may be more beneficial to wait depending on your own relationship goals.
The Benefits of Waiting To Have Sex
Takes Away The Pressure
The first time with a new partner can be exciting, but it can also be filled with nervousness and pressure. If this is someone who you barely know, and you want a second date, you may feel pressure to be more exciting or kinkier than you normally would be in bed to try to secure a second date.
If you establish your own personal rule that you are not putting out until the fifth or tenth date, you will feel less anxious and pressure because by that point you have a pretty good idea that you like him and he likes you.
Get To Know Each Other
Taking the time to get to really get to know the new guy in your life if you are looking for a long term relationship and love is the most important part of dating. Figuring out if you share commonality, chemistry, and life goals will be the determining factor if he may be the one or if seeing him again would be a waste of time.
Creates Mystery
Your relationship will eventually move to the bedroom, but until that time, you get to enjoy all of the flirting and fantasizing as the sexual tension builds up. The bedroom action for the first time is the big reveal, but some women allow everything to peak too soon in the relationship and the romance fizzles out quickly.
Changes Relationship Focus
Once sex is off the table, temporarily, of course, it allows the relationship to grow organically and for two people to get to know each other. Sex is great, but it can also be a distracter and become the focus of the relationship in the early stages, especially if it is good sex.
You may think that a relationship with a focus on good sex is not a bad thing, but if a young relationship is all about sex, it’s not much of a relationship, and not likely to last.
You Know He Likes You For You
If you have gone out with a guy six times and there has been no sex, chances are he keeps coming back for you because he likes you. But when a guy keeps coming back after you slept with him on the first date or when you first met him, maybe wasn’t even a date, you can’t be sure if he likes you or is just using you.
I am not advocating for “no sex” before marriage, in fact, I strongly encourage sampling and making a determination of sexual compatibility before making a lifelong commitment to someone. What I am saying is to maybe reconsider sleeping with a guy too soon if you are looking for a long term relationship. However, if you are just looking for a good time and no strings then do your thing.
What are your thoughts on waiting to have sex in a new relationship? Do you think it matters? Does becoming intimate too early in a new relationship sabotage future possibilities? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” - Tim Robbins
Conflicted About Him? Here's Why You Should Take Some Time Apart
A break from a relationship or a romantic situation does not have to mean a break up or the end of your romance. Time apart can be a good thing, and I am firm believer that distance provides clarity.
Maybe you are questioning if he is the one, you two are not getting along very well, or you have started to feel smothered or overwhelmed by the relationship. Whatever the reason, space can be a positive thing.
If you are in a relationship or in the beginning stages of a budding romance, but are having some doubts about the guy in your life, you may need to step back and take some time apart.
Reasons To Take Time Apart
Featured Video
To Miss Them Or Not
The saying that absence makes the heart grow founder is often true. Time apart will give you a chance to miss your mate. Being a way from them may be difficult because you may be missing talking to them, smelling them, and touching them. Missing them is a good sign.
Time apart from your partner may also be a nice break, or feel like a relief. If you feel relieved to be away from your mate, it may be a sign that you need to make your break permanent.
Clarity
They say distance offers clarity, and I couldn’t agree more. Being in the day to day life of a relationship if you are dating, but especially if you live together, it can be hard to pinpoint the issues or the root cause of your doubts.
You need to give yourself space to have that aha moment. Figure out why you feel conflicted about this guy. Is he not who you thought he was or have you just outgrown the relationship? Distancing yourself will help you view him and your relationship more clearly.
Assessment
Much like clarity, time apart will give you the ability to assess your relationship and decide what you really want. Without being overwhelmed by all of your attraction and desire for your guy, time apart can give you the opportunity to assess him, assess the relationship, and decide if he is someone you want to be with long term.
If you feel as if you need some space from a romantic situation, take a break from the relationship. If you believe that you need time, then take the time you need, and don’t feel pressured to stay with someone or in a relationship if you are having doubts. If your partner says they won’t wait for you, then they are not the one for you.
What are your thoughts on taking time apart? Do you think time apart helps, or if there are problems in the relationship a break up should just happen? Please share your thought and experience on time apart!
“If someone makes you miserable more than they make you happy, then it is time to let them go, no matter how much you love them.” - Unknown
6 Behaviors That Push People Away
No one is perfect. I think most of us do not expect perfection from the people in our lives, however there are just behaviors that can make people intolerable. There are some behaviors that are toxic and makes us cut people of our lives.
As we grow and change, we can become better versions of ourselves. Recognizing bad traits in ourselves is one way to achieve self-improvement and not push the people we care about way.
6 Behaviors That Push People Away
Lying
Many of us have had friends or family members who we wouldn’t exactly call truth tellers. But no one really wants to deal with a liar. Trust is very important to relationships, and no one wants people in their lives who they cannot trust.
If you lie a lot then you are not trustworthy, and will find you struggle with keeping friends and loves in your life.
One-Upmanship
There is nothing wrong with healthy competition, with the purpose of fun and good intentions. One-upmanship is not healthy or with good intentions. If you have to always outdo your friends, family, and even your mate, it shows you are insecure, selfish, and kind of a jerk.
Always having to be the center of attention and steal the limelight will push people away. Who wants a person on their life who can never root for them or just be happy for them? No one, that’s who.
Being Flaky
The classic, flaky unreliable friend is someone we are all too familiar with. The flaky friend loves to make promises and commitments that they seem to never have any intentions of keeping. This is the friend that always gets you excited about plans of a outing or trip and then changes their mind in the blink of an eye.
Being Moody
So I am not saying you’re crazy, but your friends and family never know what version of you they are going to get, or when you mood will dramatically change. This unpredictability is very off putting to people. You’re cool and fun one minute and then something sets you off and you become a raging butthead, or a hysterical puddle of tears.
Being Untrustworthy
Betrayal is a feeling that many people cannot get past, and honestly why should they. You keep secrets from them, talk bad about them behind their back, or worse you even plot against. Whether it’s jealously, a hidden resentment, or a frenemy situation, you betray them by not being truthful about your feelings to their face.
Being Selfish
If you only care about yourself it will be really evident to those in your life. When the relationships in your life have to be on your terms, it will eventually push people away.
If you find that you have a revolving door of friends and boyfriends or girlfriends, then you are probably doing some of the behaviors I address in this blog. Once you become aware, you can change, if you want to.
What are your thoughts on behaviors that push people away? Do you agree with my list? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Practice self-awareness, self-evaluation, and self-improvement. If we are aware that our manners - language, behavior, and actions - are measured against our values and principles, we are able to more easily embody the philosophy, leadership is a matter of how to be, not how to do. “ - Frances Hesselbein
6 Signs He's Not In Love With You Anymore
I know it sounds harsh to say that someone doesn’t love you. “He is not in love with you anymore” is definitely not the words anyone ever wants to hear, but it is sometimes the harsh reality.
Even though the words may not have been spoken, chances are the heart is more than aware that they are not loved by their partner.
You love your man, and may have had hopes that things would get better, or that his change in behavior towards you was just a phase. However, continued displays of unloving behavior is indicative that the love is gone. Denial ultimately does you no good, as it only offers a temporary state of make believe.
People fall out of love, it happens. If he doesn’t love you anymore, he may exhibit all or some of the signs below. The important thing for you to recognize is his overall change in attitude and behavior towards you.
6 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
You Annoy Him
One of the first signs that you will notice when your partner is falling out of love with you, is their tolerance level when it comes to you. You have always been indecisive about what movie to watch or where to eat, but unlike how they used to react your inability to make decisions, your partner now becomes clearly annoyed and angry with you.
Everything you do is annoying. You take too long to get ready, you breathe too loud, and even the way you dress or eat. They find fault with you because they are not in love, and they are emotionally done with the relationship.
He Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings
If your man has become insensitive or dismissive of your feelings, he is not in love with you anymore. You may find some inconsistencies in his behavior with this sign. He may reveal his true feelings by being cruel or insensitive, but then feel guilty about his behavior, and then will try to be nice or sweet again. His sweet behavior will not last because his feelings are gone.
His inconsistent behavior will give you emotional whiplash, but the hot and cold behavior is due to him feeling guilty about not loving you anymore.
FEATURED VIDEO - 6 Signs He’s Not In Love Anymore
He Is Disrespectful
You may notice that the way your man speaks to you has changed. His words and his tone are often rude and disrespectful. He doesn’t care about or respect your opinion, your time, or your feelings.
He Doesn’t Communicate
Your guy used to call or text to let you know he’s running late or working late. But now it’s radio silence. No more cute check ins throughout the day to see how you are doing, or how your day is going, because you are not on his mind anymore, and he doesn’t care.
You will also find that he takes forever to respond to your calls or texts, if he responds at all.
He Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate
Your man has gone from barely being able to keep his hands off you, to rarely touching you or initiating sex. When you do have sex, he seems to be going through the motions, or treating it like a chore, but he is not emotionally present.
This sign can be a little tricky because some men will still have sex with you even if they have a woman on the side, or are planning on leaving you.
He Doesn’t Tell You He Loves You
If your guy doesn’t say I love you anymore, or has to be prompted by you saying it first, he doesn’t feel it. Of course, love is not just about words, it is about actions as well, so if he doesn’t say it, and he doesn’t show it, he is not in love anymore.
If you are trying to determine whether or not he is no longer in love with you, it comes down to the changes in your relationship. How were things in the beginning, and how are they now? Your man’s love for you over time should have deepened and become stronger, but if he is displaying the above signs, then that is not the case.
What are your thoughts on the signs? Do you call it quits or stick it out hoping things will get better? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“How do you know when it's over?" "Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.” ― Gunnar Ardelius, I Need You More Than I Love and I Love You to Bits
Fall In Love ....5 Ways To Meet Someone New
A new day means an opportunity for a new beginning. A new beginning for whatever you want. The possibilities really are endless. If you are single and want to change that, right now might be that time. Find the relationship you’ve been hoping for now.
Relationships cannot be forced, and neither can love. It has to happen naturally, but in order for it to happen, you have to be open and willing to put yourself out there a little bit more. There are many ways to meet new people, you just need to decide which method works best for you.
Ways To Meet New People
Online Dating
Online dating is a great way find others, like yourself, who are also searching, without having to leave your home. You can swipe right, chat them up, or choose to meet up. You decide what your level of comfort is, and what works for you.
Mutual Acquaintance
Meeting someone through a mutual acquaintance is like having a mini background check conducted on a potential mate. The acquaintance knows you both, a little or a lot, and can vouch for each of you to some degree.
Events
Weddings are great places to meet people, and so are sporting events, outdoor festivals, and concerts. Just be careful of the beer goggles if you are looking for love. While events are great places to meet someone new, they are also places to get very intoxicated as well.
Groups/Clubs
Whether you join a hiking club, a sailing club, or a running club, you are sure to meet others with similar interests, and plenty of potential mates. Shared interests and commonality is important when finding a new mate. Groups and clubs are great places to find potential mates whose lifestyle is compatible with yours.
Matchmaker
A matchmaker is a bit of an old fashioned concept, but is also pretty successful in setting up compatible people. Matchmakers can be unbiased, but shrewd observers in the game of love. You tell them what you are looking for, and they will try to match you with someone who meets those qualities.
As you can see, there are many ways to meet new people if you are willing to maybe try something new, or step out of your comfort zone. What are your thoughts on the best ways to meet new people? Where did you meet your current or last partner? Please share your story or experience!
"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable." — Bruce Lee
5 Reasons Valentine's Day Is A Lame Love Day
Valentine’s Day, the one day of the year that manages to make millions of women feel like losers, and sad and depressed about their singledom. I am not saying that all women feel this way of course, but for too many years I have seen the negative affects of Valentine’s Day.
Did you know that the origin of Valentine's Day is religious? Hence the true name Saint Valentine's Day. It somehow morphed from religious to romantic around the middle ages, as it became associated with the bird's mating season in France and England.
Fast forward to today, and it is a widely accepted, and an expected day of love.
I am a romantic, I truly am. But I cannot remember a time when I ever cared about Valentine's Day. I guess that's because, while I am a romantic, I am also a cynic. I suppose a lot of it has to do with all those men standing in line at the grocery store on February 14th buying flowers, and candy at the last minute.
The poor guys have been guilted, pressured, or programmed to believe that this one day is the "be all end all" day of showing your boo that you care.
The problem I have with Valentine's Day is that it is a designated day of love, romantic overtures, and false romance. Not to mention the over commercialization of this day. Let's see, do I get a mushy card, a dozen roses, and a long wait at a restaurant, as everyone else prove their love too?
5 Reasons Valentine’s Day Is A Lame Love Day
It’s Commercialized
The day after Christmas, the shelves in stores are filled with Valentine’s Day candy, cards, and decorations.
A Designated Day Of Love
It’s not very romantic if the flowers, box of chocolates, and cards are only given because your partner feel they are required to do so.
It’s Expensive
The jewelry commercials will tell you that you show love with a nice diamond. Now I am not opposed to a nice diamond, but why wait. And not to mention that It starts to add up with all of the other expectations on this “day of love”.
It Gets Competitive
For many years now, I have seen the Valentine’s Day competition in the workplace. Women strutting around like peacocks trying to compare bouquets, as if receiving flowers on Valentine’s Day is indicative of how much they are loved, and their great relationship.
Makes People Feel Bad
Valentine’s Day tends to make the single woman, who longs for a relationship, feel especially bad on this day. It also makes the man, who cannot afford a fancy dinner or piece jewelry for his partner feel bad as well.
Hey I said I was a cynic, but I also love love, and romance too. As a romantic, I love spur of the moment romantic gestures. I like fresh flowers all of the time. I love a sweet note, or a cute text to let me know he is thinking about me.
Personally, I would always prefer my man attempt to cook or grill me a nice meal, than to go out for a lame dinner in an over-crowded restaurant.
I like for my guy to treat me well all of the time, and this goes both ways. I want him to tell me he loves me, but more importantly, show me he loves me on a consistent basis. I want a lot of laughs, unexpected kisses, and comfortable silence. That's romance to me. No special day needed.
If you enjoy Valentine’s Day, and feel it is important to have a card or gift on this day, I say to each their own. What are your thoughts on Valentine's Day? Do you love it, feel indifferent, or hate it? Please share your thoughts or feeling!
People call it Valentine's Day, I call it Wednesday. - Unknown
All The Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Relationships
You say you want a relationship, but the minute you are in one you tend to do things to end it. It is a pattern repeated all too often by you. You are a self-saboteur, and relationship destroyer. If you find yourself entering relationships with high hopes, only for it to crash and burn unexpectedly, time and time again, it may be time for some self-analysis.
There are many reasons people will sabotage a relationship, but fear is usually the number one culprit. Fear of being of alone, and fear of rejection. Sounds weird, right? You fear being alone, so you do things in relationships that make you end up alone.
It’s about protecting your heart, and self-preservation. Unfortunately, you may lose out on a great relationship, maybe even the love of your life, due to your sabotaging.
Perhaps after reading this blog, you won’t stop sabotaging your relationships, but at least you will be aware of the signs when you are doing it.
The Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship
Unrealistic Expectations
Did you really think that you would continue having sex twice a day, every day, for your entire relationship? Sex is a very important part of a relationship, but it is unrealistic to think that your sex life would not change over the course of your relationship, for many different reasons.
If you find yourself unhappy with the frequency of sex in your relationship you need to make your feelings known, in a thoughtful, non-accusatory manner.
Did you think your partner would not age, or that their body wouldn’t change over the years, especially after having kids? Completely unrealistic, shallow, and possibly indicative that you are not truly in love if you hyper-focus on your partner’s aging, or gaining a few pounds over the years.
Comparing Your Relationship To Others
If there is one thing that I have learned over the years, it is that things and people are not often what they seems to be. People tend to have a public and private persona, and that goes for couples as well. Some couples can seem so loving and perfect in public, and may be a hot mess behind closed doors.
It is often after couples split that truths come out, and only then do we realize we were trying to live up to an illusion.
Focus on your relationship. Live your best happy. No one’s relationship is perfect. Your relationship may be amazing, or it may completely suck. Either way, your thoughts and feelings about your relationship should be based on how your relationship makes you feel about yourself, and how it makes you feel about your partner.
Not Communicating Your Feelings
While we sometimes assume or wish our partners were mind readers, they are not. If something in your relationship is bothering you, or upsetting you, you need to speak up, and let your partner know. They cannot fix a problem they are unaware of.
Yes, there are times when it should be obvious, at least to you, that something they do or say is not okay with you. But remember, they are not you.
If your partner is constantly doing and saying things that annoy or anger you, tell them. If it continues, it may be time to move on.
Keeping Secrets
Whether you sneak the occasional cigarette or hide purchases from your partner, eventually you will be caught, and the issue of trust will come up. Do you need share every single thought or desire that comes to mind, I would say not necessarily, but keeping secrets in a relationship can be dangerous.
The gauge I recommend using regarding whether or not you are keeping a secret is to think about how your partner would feel about the information you are not sharing. If you are withholding information from your partner because you think they would be hurt, angry, or feel betrayed, then you are keeping secrets.
Being Selfish
It’s all about you, all the time. It has to be your way, and if it is not, temper tantrums, and bouts of sulking will commence. Does that sound familiar? We all want to have things our own way. We all have our own wants, desires, and preferences, but in a relationship sometimes you don’t get your preference.
Relationships require compromise, and sometimes that compromise may mean doing what your partner wants. If you choose your partner wisely, their wants and desires will closely align with yours. If you chose an opposite, or someone pretty different, be prepared for a lot of compromise, or to be completely selfish.
Relationships are challenging, and require work to maintain a healthy one. Not every relationship will work out, or is meant to be, but is important give yourself an opportunity to truly be happy. If the right person comes into your life, don’t sabotage things because you are afraid. Life is short and there are no guarantees, but taking a risk for a chance of happiness will be worth it every time.
What are your thoughts on sabotaging relationships? Do you agree with my list? Are you a self-saboteur? Please share your story or experience!
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
Love At First Sight...Is It Possible?
Love at first sight is a phenomenon. You see someone across a crowded room and feel an instant connection and a gut feeling that this person is who you were meant to be with.
Fortunately, luck would have it that the one you fell in love with at first sight just so happens to be hot or gorgeous. No coincidence there, right?
Love, at first sight, is rare, but do you believe it can actually happen? Many will poo poo the concept of love at first sight, and rightfully so, in my opinion.
I mean after all, what could we possibly know about someone after just one sighting or meeting? But others are firm believers that it can happen, mainly because it has happened to them.
Movies and literature would have you believe that love at first happens all of the time and will lead to a “happily ever after” ending.
I mean, after all, didn’t Cinderella get her glass slipper after just one encounter? A moment in time can be wonderful, but what happens when reality sets in?
Is Love At First Sight Possible?
Reasons To Believe In Love At First Sight
Instant Attraction
Amazing Chemistry
Soulmates
Gut Feeling
Reasons To Not Believe In Love At First Sight
Based Solely On Physical Attributes
Unknown Commonality
Masks Are Still On
You Can’t Love What You Do Not Know
I have often heard love at first sight referred to as “lust” at first sight, and I have to agree. While I have personally never felt like I have fallen in love with someone at first sight, I have had that instant attraction.
I have experienced seeing someone from across the room and feeling a strong emotion as our eyes met. The next time our paths crossed we hit it off and dated for a couple of years. Was it love at first sight? No, it was not love because I didn’t know him, I desired him. Big difference in my opinion.
Would it surprise you to know that more than 50 percent of people believe in love at first sight? It surprised me quite honestly. It just goes to show how much we link feelings of love to physical attraction, at least initially. I say initially because we tend to find people more or less attractive as we get to know them, which I think disproves the possibility of love at first.
What I believe can happen is that an initial attraction and fascination can grow and turn into everlasting love.
What are your thoughts on love at first sight? Are you a believer or a cynic? Has it ever happened to you? Can it be love at first sight if the feeling is only one-sided? Please share your story and experience!
“I meant it when I said I didn’t believe in love at first sight. It takes time to really, truly fall for someone. Yet I believe in a moment. A moment when you glimpse the truth within someone, and they glimpse the truth within you. In that moment, you don’t belong to yourself any longer, not completely. Part of you belongs to him; part of him belongs to you. After that, you can’t take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how hard you try.” - Claudia Gray, A Thousand Pieces Of You
Photo by freestocks.org from Pexels
Top 5 Relationship Deal Breakers...The List We All Need To Have!
In my opinion, having relationship deal breakers is really about self-worth and self-respect. You are saying to yourself, "this is what I deserve, and I will not settle for less." You can call it being picky, but I call it being smart.
Many of us have a mental list, written lists for some, of all of the traits and characteristic we want in an ideal mate. We usually know, or hopefully know, what we need to be happy in a relationship, and having a partner who has your ideal traits can help that happen. You may want a mate who is smart, funny, outgoing, and handsome.
You can find that "ideal" person, they are out there. The problem is that sometimes you can meet someone that checks all the boxes of your ideal mate, but they may also be full of traits that are unacceptable.
My 5 Relationship Deal Breakers
Dishonesty
Dishonesty is a lack of honesty or a tendency to lie, cheat or steal. I think it goes without saying that no one wants to be lied to or betrayed by someone they are in a relationship with. Dishonesty is a deal breaker for me because I cannot be with someone I do not trust.
For me, blatant lying is not the only way to be dishonest. Being secretive, hiding things, and omissions are also forms of dishonesty.
Selfishness
Selfish people care only for themselves, and they are primarily concerned with their own interests, benefit, and welfare. A partnership with a selfish person feels like anything but a partnership. Being with someone who takes far more than they give is painful, and is a definite deal breaker.
Watch out for this one because it will be hard to spot early in the relationship because you will want to take care of and do a lot for your new love. It may not be until much later that you start to realize how one-sided the relationship had been.
Pay attention to how much they allow you to do for them, but rarely reciprocate or inconvenience themselves for you.
Disrespect
Disrespectful people are rude, discourteous, and overall unpleasant. I have a zero tolerance rule with disrespect. We show others how to treat us, and if we allow them to be, treat, or speak to us in a disrespectful manner there will always be a lack of respect.
This rule also applies to being with someone you don't respect. Maybe you never respected them and settled, or lost respect for them along the way, but if you do not respect your partner, it can be difficult to treat them in a respectful manner. Be mindful that this is still a deal breaker.
Emotional Unavailability
An emotionally unavailable man is unable to share and communicate his emotions, and be open and honest about his feelings. The emotionally unavailable mate will suck you in, and then break your heart. Both men and women can be emotionally unavailable, although there are some differences in how they go about it, the relationship results can be the same.
An emotionally unavailable partner can seem like a challenge, a challenge you want. You will want to be the one to heal them, and break down their walls. Unfortunately you may get a lot more than you bargained for.
Communication is very important for a healthy relationship, but this will be lacking with an emotionally unavailable mate. This is a deal breaker because life is short and you are not going to change them.
Lack of Motivation
Motivation is an act or reason to accomplish or achieve a goal or goals. A lack of motivation can be a sign of depression, or a sign of being lazy. A lazy partner is a big deal breaker.
A partner who lacks motivation will lack passion, and honestly it is difficult to respect a lazy person. Being with someone you cannot respect is unwise, and it would be settling.
Relationship deal breakers should be reasonable if you want to have healthy relationships, but non-negotiable once you set your standard. These deal breakers will vary from person to person. We all determine what is right for us, but there should be no settling just for the sake of keeping anyone.
What are your relationship deal breakers? If you have never thought about your deal breakers, I recommend that you do. How many on this list are your deal breakers too? Please share!
"The moment you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do." Unknown