Rekindling A Romance...Should You Fan Old Flames?

Life and love have lots of ups and downs and tend to leave many people wanting a do-over. If the Hallmark channel has taught me anything, it is that returning home and high school reunions are for rekindling old love and romance.

If you could go back and do it all over again, would you? Some old flames needed to be put out, but others burned so hotly that years later the embers still smoldered. There are pros and cons to rekindling an old love. As time has passed, you may be remembering more of the good and forgetting a lot of the bad.

If you are considering reigniting an old flame, here are the pros and cons to consider.

Pros Of Reigniting An Old Flame

It’s Familiar

No matter how much time passes, you never forget your first love. Coming back together years later may feel like coming home. The relationship feels familiar and comfortable, and comforting in many ways. You came back together and it was like you were never apart.

It’s Feels Good

Somehow the rekindling of an old flame takes you back in time and makes you feel all giddy and silly again. The excitement and passion are crazy. You have been transported back to being that gushy twenty-something girl who doodled his name over and over again.

You’re Both Different

Whether it has been ten years or twenty-five years, you have both grown and changed. The relationship ended for a reason in the past, but people can change, and perhaps the obstacles faced before are no longer an issue.

Cons Of Reigniting An Old Flame

Both The Same

While some things change, other things also stay the same. Yes, you are both older and hopefully wiser, but you are basically still the same people. Perhaps once you get past the newness of your old relationship, old issues and problems will resurface.

Your Lives Don’t Mesh

You may have reconnected at a reunion or on Facebook, but you live thousands of miles apart and your lives don’t fit together. You both have responsibilities and neither are capable nor willing to just pick up and leave your current life to chase a possibility.

Unrealistic Expectations

While you were once the hot “it” couple, neither of you was perfect, but you may be remembering things differently. You may be disappointed to find that you no longer share the same interests, that they are not as attractive as they used to be, and you may not actually be compatible anymore.

At the end of the day, I think many of us would love a do-over with a lost love. Whether you choose to give it a go should depend on why it ended the first time and if the current man or woman before you seems worthy of a second chance. If they have a history of abuse of any kind I say absolutely do not let them back in your life but otherwise, I recommend going for it. If your heart is open and you are available, what do you really have to lose?

What are your thoughts on rekindling an old flame? Romantic or ripe for disaster? Please share your thoughts and experience!

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. - Pietro Aretino

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Should You Wait to Have Sex? 5 Benefits of Taking Your Time

The dating game and how we find a mate has changed over time, but the fundamentals of the heart and human desire remain the same. The importance of sexual intimacy is different for everyone, and the weight placed on the act of sex in or out of relationships varies vastly from person to person depending on age, gender, upbringing, and religious beliefs.

I think many people, women in particular, struggle with the decision of when to sleep with a man. What is considered too soon to sleep with a guy you just met or just started dating? Is it okay to sleep with him on the first date or do I wait until after the fifth date? The truth is there is no right answer.

This blog is not about slut-shaming, but it is about thinking about how early intimacy can affect future relationship possibilities and how it may be more beneficial to wait depending on your own relationship goals.

The Benefits of Waiting To Have Sex

Takes Away The Pressure

The first time with a new partner can be exciting, but it can also be filled with nervousness and pressure. If this is someone who you barely know, and you want a second date, you may feel pressure to be more exciting or kinkier than you normally would be in bed to try to secure a second date.

If you establish your own personal rule that you are not putting out until the fifth or tenth date, you will feel less anxious and pressure because by that point you have a pretty good idea that you like him and he likes you.

Get To Know Each Other

Taking the time to get to really get to know the new guy in your life if you are looking for a long term relationship and love is the most important part of dating. Figuring out if you share commonality, chemistry, and life goals will be the determining factor if he may be the one or if seeing him again would be a waste of time.

Creates Mystery

Your relationship will eventually move to the bedroom, but until that time, you get to enjoy all of the flirting and fantasizing as the sexual tension builds up. The bedroom action for the first time is the big reveal, but some women allow everything to peak too soon in the relationship and the romance fizzles out quickly.

Changes Relationship Focus

Once sex is off the table, temporarily, of course, it allows the relationship to grow organically and for two people to get to know each other. Sex is great, but it can also be a distracter and become the focus of the relationship in the early stages, especially if it is good sex.

You may think that a relationship with a focus on good sex is not a bad thing, but if a young relationship is all about sex, it’s not much of a relationship, and not likely to last.

You Know He Likes You For You

If you have gone out with a guy six times and there has been no sex, chances are he keeps coming back for you because he likes you. But when a guy keeps coming back after you slept with him on the first date or when you first met him, maybe wasn’t even a date, you can’t be sure if he likes you or is just using you.

I am not advocating for “no sex” before marriage, in fact, I strongly encourage sampling and making a determination of sexual compatibility before making a lifelong commitment to someone. What I am saying is to maybe reconsider sleeping with a guy too soon if you are looking for a long term relationship. However, if you are just looking for a good time and no strings then do your thing.

What are your thoughts on waiting to have sex in a new relationship? Do you think it matters? Does becoming intimate too early in a new relationship sabotage future possibilities? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” - Tim Robbins

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Love Languages Explained: How Knowing Yours Can Transform Your Relationship

Every person has their own unique love language. Our individual love language is the basic way we show our romantic love for our partner or potential partner, and also how we perceive reciprocation of that love from our romantic partner.

Love Language is a term coined by author Gary Chapman in his book titled “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”. The book discusses five general categories of how we express our love and I could not agree more with the categories.

In order to benefit from the language information in your current or future relationships, it is important to recognize how you prefer to give and receive love. I also believe it is important to be matched with a mate whose love language aligns with your own.

The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. As we go through each of love language try to determine which ones you use, and which ones you want to receive in a relationship to feel happy and fulfilled.

By the end of this blog, you should be able to identify your love language, both the way you show love and the way you want to receive love.

The Five Love Languages and How to Determine Your Love Language

Words of Affirmation

Word of affirmation are words of validation and appreciation. Many of us want and need to hear that we are loved and appreciated. We want to hear that we are doing a great job, that we are capable, and that we are enough. These words of affirmation can carry a lot of weight when coming from our partner.

It is also important to take note of how frequently you express words of affirmation to your partner. Are words of affirmation one of the ways you show love?

Acts of Service

Acts of service are about showing your loved one how you feel through your actions. Doing things for your partner or love interest “just because” can often be subtle but one of the sweetest ways to show your love. Simple things such as filling up their gas tank, bringing them lunch, or picking up their dry cleaning are examples of acts of service and doing for them.

Do you expect your partner to do regular acts of service in your relationship, and if they don’t do you think they love you less, or is it not a big deal to you?

Receiving Gifts

Receiving and giving gifts is like giving tokens of love and affection for some. The importance of giving and receiving gifts varies from person to person. Some people love to give gifts to others, especially their mates, but they want very little in return.

While certain individuals don’t expect or want frequent gifts from their partner, for some others, they see a direct correlation between the gifts they receive from their partner and how much they believe their partner cares about them.

Quality Time

Quality time with your partner means giving them your undivided attention. Your time is everything. We never seem to have enough of it, so how much or how little time you expect and make for your partner may be a reflection of your heart but also speaks to your love language.

If you make the time for quality time with your partner and view it as important to do so then quality time is one of your love languages.

Physical Touch

Humans need physical touch, but not all humans desire or are satisfied by the same level of physical touch. While one partner may be perfectly content to just kiss, hold hands, and snuggle the majority of the time, the other partner may feel the need for more sexual intimacy to feel connected and show their love.

Whether you enjoy nightly cuddles or intense rolls in the sack, physical touch can still be your love language, but it is helpful if your partner is fluent in your dialect.

After reading this blog I hope you are now able to identify your love language and your partner’s as well. Knowing both of your love languages will help explain why you are ridiculously happy in your relationship or why you are feeling like something is missing. Remember, we are who we are. We cannot force anyone to change. We either accept them or choose to move on.

What are your thoughts on love languages? Do you recognize your love language? Do you recognize your partner’s love language? Does having this information change anything for you? Please share your thoughts and experience with love languages!

“You cannot force someone to accept an expression of love. You can only offer it. If it is not accepted, you must respect the other person's decision.” ― Gary Chapman

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Pros and Cons of Dating Someone Younger

While some believe that age is just a number, others believe that dating younger men is a waste of time. It can be hard to meet a great guy, especially when are limiting our own pool of candidates with very specific requirements.

For centuries men have been courting and marrying younger women, and it is still the socially accepted norm. But when a woman dates a younger man tongues start wagging and people tend to be a little more judgemental.

The truth of the matter is that when a woman dates a younger man there are pros and cons to that relationship. Every woman has to decide if a relationship with a younger man is ultimately for her or if she is just having fun.

Pros Of Dating A Younger Man

Flattering

We all have a little vanity. It feels good to feel attractive. It feels good to still be able to catch the eye of men as we age, especially when the man is younger.

Dating a younger man can make a woman feel like “she’s still got it”.

Exciting

As we age we tend to be more cautious and practical, but dating a younger man will force you out of your comfort zone and make life a little wild again.

Also, the fact that the older woman, younger man relationship tends still be considered taboo can make the older woman feel like she is a rule-breaker and being naughty, especially if she has always played by the rules.

Great Sex

Let’s be honest, a man’s sex drive doesn’t usually increase as he ages. His testosterone levels drop and he is more likely to suffer from ailments that cause impotence. Dating a younger man with a revved-up sex drive is what every single older woman needs in her life, if only for a little while.

Makes You Feel Younger

Depending on the age gap, there may be significant differences in tastes of music, food, and friends. Hanging out with your younger guy in his element can make you feel young again. His world can feel new, almost foreign, but also cool and different.

Cons Of Dating A Younger Man

Compatibility Issues

Age gaps can create compatibility issues. You are likely to have different tastes in music, different hobbies, and vastly different life experiences.

Maybe you’re a Gen X and he’s a Millennial. You grew up in different times and different world views and events shaped your childhood and points of view.

Not Equals

As we gain more life experience and professional experience, we become more knowledgeable and successful. Where we are at in our career and finances in our 30’s versus where we are at in our 40’s can be significantly different.

Chances are, the older woman is more settled in her career and more financially stable than her younger beau is in his career and finances. The disparity in success and finances may prove challenging and may make the man in the relationship feel inferior and emasculated.

Maturity Issues

Some people are just naturally more mature than others, and everyone is different, but when dating a younger man maturity may be an issue. He likely hasn’t experienced nearly as much in his life yet as his older woman partner has, so he may not be as thoughtful, responsible, or as reliable as she would like.

A woman can find her happily ever after with a younger man, but of course, just like any other relationship, there will be some issues to address and overcome. Depending on the age gap, different ages can also mean different stages in life.

Getting married, buying a home, having children, and planning for retirement are all big topics that come into play in any serious relationship, but can be more time-sensitive for an older woman/younger man relationship.

What are your thoughts on dating a younger man? Have you ever or are your currently dating a younger man? What is your experience and would you date a younger man again? Please share your story and experience!

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” ― Leo Tolstoy

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Can Two Type A Personalities Make A Relationship Work? Here's How To Make It Work

It’s no secret that in order to have a healthy, successful relationship you will need to be able to compromise with your partner. However, it is also no secret that some people are far less willing to compromise than others, relationship or not.

In relationships, one half of the couple tends to be more assertive and takes the lead so to speak, while the other partner may be more passive or less decisive. But what happens when both partners are assertive decision-makers who like to have their own way?

Type A personality people tend to be outgoing, ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. Type A personalities are often successful and hard working.

So the question I pose is, “ can two Type A’s be able to make a relationship work?” Will a relationship of two Type A’s lack the balance all relationships need? Possibly. Or can two Type A’s who are extremely compatible strike the right balance and make things work? I have always believed that compatibility and chemistry are the most important elements for a lasting relationship.

I think two Type A’s can find everlasting love, and here’s how they would do it.

How To Make It Work With Two Type A Personalities

Choose Your Battles

We all like to have things our own way, but not all “wants” are that big of a deal to you, so why battle for it? Meaning, let the little things go, but speak up and stand up for what counts. If you don’t care all that much about where you go for dinner then let your partner pick, but if the new bedroom wall color matters then make your feelings known.

Be Considerate

Think about what your partner likes, wants, and needs. Let it be about them sometimes without it having to be a discussion or a fight. You are both Type A’s so you are known for speaking your mind. For example, you know a wet towel on the floor drives your partner crazy, and even though you don’t think it’s a big deal, you make the effort to pick up your towel.

There will be issues in your relationship that are not a big deal to you, such as a wet towel on the floor, but it costs you nothing to hang up the towel and avoid frustrating your partner.

Be Mature

Relationship maturity is as much about understanding yourself as it is about understanding your partner. As we grow, we learn, hopefully. Take the high road in disagreements, and fight fair because with your aggressive personalities things could get pretty heated with two Type A’s.

Communicate

Good communication is always a must for any healthy relationship, but with two Type A personalities the communication needs to be stepped up a notch because you both may be used to doing more talking than listening.

Respect Them

The Type A personality types are badasses. They are go-getters, who are often fearless. Give each other the kudos you deserve, respect who they are, and do not ask them to be less than they are for you.

Two mature Type A personalities in a relationship make the ultimate power couple. They know how to play off of each other’s strengths and they understand the importance of knowing when to lead in the relationship, when to take a backseat, and when to allow their partner to shine.

What are your thoughts on two type A’s making a relationship work? Is this relationship possible in your opinion? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.” – Kavita Ramdas

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How To Determine Relationship Compatibility

Finding the right mate, or the “one” can feel like a daunting task to say the least. If you have been in the dating scene for a while, or have had several or many relationships over the years, you may be wondering why the relationships don’t work out.

As the old saying goes, “you will have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince”. While I do agree with the overall concept that you may need to meet a lot of different men to find the right one, I don’t think you will necessary need to date, kiss, or sleep with them all to find out if they are the right one, unless of course you want to.

Compatibility can be determined pretty early on and good conversation will usually help you figure it out.

How To Determine Compatibility

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Ask Questions

There are many questions you need answers to if you really want to determine compatibility. All questions do not need to be asked and answered on a first date, but over time you definitely need to peel back the onion and find out where they stand on some really big issues, but also some smaller issues as well.

You will want to know about their thoughts on marriage and family. Do they expect their spouse to work or stay home. Do they want kids? How many and how far into the relationship? Where do they ultimately want to live and retire? And the big one is their relationship with money. Are they a spender or a saver? And of course what role will religion play in your lives and the lives of your children.

Do Things Together

Ideally you meet your mate while participating in an activity you are both very interested in, but if you don’t you will want to find common interests. If you love to read, it may not be a requirement but it is nice to have a partner who also enjoys reading and discussing books they have read.

If you are a very intellectual, critical thinker, you will not be compatible with someone you might describe as not very smart, and you definitely won’t be able to respect them.

If you are into fitness or the outdoors, you will want to try out these activities together. While you do not have to work out together, being able to enjoy activities together that interest you both will keep you bonded.

Meet Family and Friends

People from similar backgrounds tend to be more compatible. Of course, different upbringings doesn’t necessarily need to be a deal breaker, but it does make relatability and the understanding of points of view more challenging. Similar upbringings also plays a big role in how you view marriage, family, and especially how to raise children.

It is important to be open minded but also realistic in choosing a partner from a different background.

Kiss/Sleep Together

Physical attraction and sexual compatibility are extremely important to a relationship. I am not encouraging anyone to sleep around, and I understand that for some this is a moral issue, but ask yourself how many things do you purchase without sampling? If you knew you couldn’t return something would you still buy it?

Well, I look at selecting a partner the same way. Sexual compatibility is very important. For long term happiness and fulfillment you want to have an enjoyable sex life, and if you didn’t know what you were getting into, you were taking a gamble that may or may not pay off.

In all honesty, you can force and make just about any relationship work if you are determined to. But if you want to be happy and fulfilled for the long run you will want to be with someone you are truly compatible with.

We are who we are, and while we change some over the years, we also stay very much the same, so hoping someone will change and become more of who you want them to be is wishful thinking. It is better to choose someone you are compatible with, than to try to change someone to fit your mental, emotional, and sexual needs.

What are your thoughts on compatibility? How important do you think it is to relationship longevity and happiness? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“Research shows that couples who have a lot of similarities, including intellectual compatibility, end up staying together.” - Helen Fisher

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Why He Wants To Be Dominated By You

Domination is about control, and when you allow yourself to be dominated you give up some of your control. Even the control freak likes to occasionally be the passenger and not the driver.

Some men like to be dominated, if only for a little while. He wants to be submissive behind closed doors, in the home, or perhaps just in the bedroom, but regardless of the location, he wants you to take over and dominate him.

The strongest, most confident of men often enjoy domination the most, and you may be asking yourself why, but after reading this blog it will make total sense. Here’s why he wants to be dominated.

5 Reasons Why He Wants To Be Dominated By You

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Relieves Stress

Domination is not always about sex. Domination is often about mental and emotional releases. The role play, the pain, and even the verbal domination can have an almost soothing and calming affect on a man who wants to be dominated.

Wants To Be Vulnerable

Men do not often feel comfortable being vulnerable. But in a safe setting, and with the right woman he can allow himself to be vulnerable, even if just under the guise of domination.

It Turns Him On

Yes, sometimes domination is a fetish. Some men are masochist and enjoy a mixture of pain and pleasure. The domination can be verbal words of abuse, physical pain, or consist of punishments.

Every couple has to explore and find their comfort level to make their own rules of play.

He’s Powerful

Being the one always in charge is exhausting. While he may be the one in charge in the boardroom or office, he may want you to take charge at home or in the bedroom.

He knows that he is powerful, but giving up some of that control to you in the bedroom, and not knowing what you will do to him excites him.

He Respects You

Most men are not just going to give up his power and control and be vulnerable with just anyone. But with with right woman, a woman he sees as his equal, he can be okay with letting her dominate him. Strong, confident men love strong, confident women.

The role of dominatrix is not for everyone, but just as he enjoys giving up his control for a time, you may also enjoy being in complete control of him occasionally.

Domination and role play is not for every man, at least not every man is willing to admit it. So now that you understand the why, are you game for a little dominating? You and you partner make the rules. And don’t forget your safe word…LOL

Now I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts on dominating him? Please share your thoughts and experience!

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8 Signs of Sexual Tension and What To Do About It

Sexual tension exists when two people are physically attracted to one another, want to be physical with each other, but hold back for one reason or another.

Sexual tension is most often found in groups of friends or in the workplace. It can develop out of almost nowhere. One day you are buddies and the next your heart races when you look at each other and you start to see them differently.

You may not be sure if your friend is feeling the pull that you are but when sexual tension exists there will be signs.

8 Signs Of Sexual Tension

Eye Contact

When there is sexual tension between two people there is a lot of direct, intense eye contact. Your eyes will show your desire for each other and the fire you feel inside. Your eyes will betray you.

Butterflies In The Stomach

Sexual tension between you and another will make you feel giddy and give you butterflies in the stomach. You will feel like a teenager again, in the best, most exciting way possible.

Awkward Interactions

Some relationships have sexual tension from the start, while others have it develop over time. When sexual tension exists you can become unsure of how to act in front of each other. You want to hide your desire and play it cool so things start to feel super awkward.

You Get Physically Close

The sexual tension exists because you two are physically attracted to each other and deep down want to sleep together. For one reason or another you two are not moving in that direction yet so you choose the next best thing and that is getting physically close to one another.

Casual Touches

You want to touch each other any time you can. Whether it’s just a touch of the fingers when passing something to the other or a casual hand on the back or arm as a greeting or a goodbye. You cannot do what you really want to them so you will settle for any physical interaction you can get.

You Flirt With Innuendos

When there is sexual tension between two people it will often reflect in their communications with each other. When you are around each other you cannot stop thinking about how much you want them which starts to leak out in conversation, emails, and texts with comments and jokes that seem to be of a more sexual nature.

Others Notice

When there is sexual tension between two people it is usually felt by those around them as well. It is palpable. Others will notice that there is something between you two, and some may even comment. It’s hard to hide an intense attraction for someone for an extended period of time when around others

You Just Know It

You know that you are attracted to them, and that you desire them, and you can feel their desire and attraction to you as well. They are sending you vibes and your gut is telling you everything you need to know.

What To Do About Your Sexual Tension

When dealing with sexual tension between you and another, you really only have three options. The first option is to ignore the sexual tension. You may choose to ignore because you actually like the current status quo. You are not ready to make a decision to move things to the next level, but you are enjoying the sexual tension and feelings it gives you.

The sexual tension and attraction may fizzle out over time on its own, which may mean it was never meant to be.

The second option is to discuss it and get it all out in the open. The conversation may be awkward, but if someone doesn’t make a move and ask the other out and address the sexual “elephant” in the room, then you will remain in a never ending cycle of flirting and giddiness.

Life is too short to remain in limbo, so eventually something should happen one way or another.

The final and best option is consummation. The build up of the sexual tension can mean a powerful sexual encounter, once it actually happens. Of course this will likely involve option two to some degree, but it doesn’t require some long drawn out discussion.

If the moment is right, and opportunity strikes, no words may be necessary. Your eyes and body language will do the talking, and the rest will hopefully be mind blowing.

What are your thoughts on dealing with sexual tension? Do you address it, ignore it, or hope things unfold naturally somehow? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“Our eyes met and our souls caught on fire.” ― Nikki Rowe

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7 Signs He Truly Loves You

Being in love is such a wonderful feeling. It’s not just about how you feel about the other person, but also about how they make you feel about yourself and as a couple.

When you feel truly loved by someone you feel supported, and happy, and special. Being loved by that certain someone is like having a secret super power. I mean you were already awesome, but their love just somehow gives you an extra something.

You feel in love with them, and they tell you that they love you too. It is always nice to hear the words “I love you” from someone you love, but at the end of the day that’s all they are, just words. Actions are more of a true reflections of someone’s thoughts and feelings.

People can say anything, but real love requires effort and more than lip service. There are some undeniable signs that he truly loves you.

7 Signs He Truly Loves You

He Is Affectionate

The way he looks at you. The way he talks to you. The way he touches you. His body language and his non-sexual interactions with you will show you how much he cares.

He Cares About Your Happiness

A man who truly loves you will want you to be happy, even if that means an inconvenience or sacrifice on his part. You being happy makes him happy too. Your happiness is a priority to him.

He Is Supportive

A man who truly loves you will be your one man cheering section and your biggest fan. He will give you words of encouragement and will lift you up when you are feeling down. When he loves you, he is proud of you and believes in you.

He Is Protective

A man who loves you will be very protective of you. He will never want to see you hurting, and will always come to your defense. He also takes care to not be a source of pain for you by treating you with respect, and minding his actions and words.

He Is Thoughtful

A man who loves is always thinking of you. When he is out and about without you, many things will bring you to his mind. A song on the radio, a scent in the air, or even a location you once visited. He truly listens to you when you talk and remembers what you say and what you like.

He will pick up your favorite flowers for you just because, or fill up your gas tank without you asking.

He “Sees” You

A man can only truly love you if he sees and accepts the real you. If a man has seen the worst of you and still looks deep and lovingly into your eyes with no judgement he truly loves you.

He Misses You When Apart

It’s so cute how much a man in love misses you when you are apart. A man who truly loves you will miss you like crazy when he is away from you. He may not say it, but the phone calls, and texts he sends when you two are apart is his way of telling you he misses you.

Being in love is about an emotional connection. The connection is either there or it isn’t. When a man is in love with you it is usually pretty obvious whether he says the words or not. Strangers will be able to pick up on his love and adoration for you. It is quite special and sweet.

Are you able to recognize when a man truly loves you? Hearing the words is nice, but don’t get caught up in words. His actions are far more important and telling than any three words could ever be. So what are your thoughts on recognizing a man in love? Please share your thoughts and experience!

“I want you. All of you. Your flaws. Your mistakes. Your imperfections. I want you, and only you.” – John Legend

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Traditional Relationships VS Modern Relationships...Which Is Better?

In today’s world there is a struggle between the old and the new. There are those that are strongly committed to traditional ways of living, including relationships and marriage. There are also people who want to make their own rules and rail against the thought of what is traditional.

I recently read an article which said that traditional relationships tend to last longer. Cue my mental eye roll as I prepare to be told how men being the bread winners with the little woman staying home cooking and cleaning is the key to everlasting love. But that is not quite what the article said.

The article said that traditional relationships with clearly defined roles tend to last longer, and I can see how that makes sense. But I also think that a more modern relationship can also have roles within the relationship and be just as long lasting. Notice the word “lasting”, not the word happiness is being used, but we will get to that.

Traditional Relationship

There are many types of traditional relationships and home lives, but the basic traditional relationship involves a male and female with the man typically being the more dominant partner while the woman is more submissive.

In this context, submissive does not mean voiceless, but the woman will follow the man’s lead and play a more supporting role in the relationship.

The traditional relationship also has more clearly defined roles for the couple. For example the man could be the sole provider or primary breadwinner. The man would also take care of home repairs, trash, and vehicle maintenance.

For the woman, she would take care of the cooking, the cleaning, and be the primary caretaker of any children. Although this type of relationship may seem antiquated and would not work for some, it works for many, and the relationships do tend to last longer.

Modern Relationships

Modern relationships make their own rules. They break free of the stereotypical roles of relationships and marriage, and define their own coupledom. Just like the traditional relationships, there are many types of modern relationships.

A modern relationship may be an unmarried couple living together. Or a married couple who both work and share chores, taking turns as needed. A common modern couple is two working parents, who make decisions together, and share chores.

The roles are less clearly defined and each are expected to work together to get household chores done and the children taken care of equally.

In a modern relationship, the woman may be the breadwinner, and the man may play a more supporting role. While modern relationships offer equality to both partners, the undefined roles may result in frustrations and resentment as one half of the couple feels like the other is not pulling their weight.

Studies show that modern relationships do not usually last as long as traditional relationships, but why is that? I don’t think it’s about more morals, or good and bad people. But more perhaps that a person who sees themselves as a traditionalist is less likely to divorce than a more modern minded person is, no matter how miserable they are.

Quantity and quality are not remotely the same thing, and a longer marriage does not mean years of happiness. People stay in relationships for many reason, and love isn’t actually at the top of the list.

Also I would think a person with their own income, who is financially independent, is more likely to call it quits on an unhappy relationship than one who is financially dependent.

What are your thoughts on traditional relationships versus modern relationships? I really want to hear your thoughts and opinions on this topic. Please share!

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

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