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In-Law Issues...6 Signs It's Time To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
When we get married, we are not just marrying the person, we are actually marrying their whole family. With family comes a lot of love, but also family drama. You may get lucky and marry into a wonderful family who are loving and supportive of your union.
Or you may end up with in-laws who butt in, undermine, and sabotage your relationship.
I would like to hope that the in-laws who butt in are well meaning, but regardless of their intentions, they need to respect your relationship, and not crossover into disrespectful intrusiveness.
Whether it’s your parents, your spouses parents, or your respective siblings, in-laws can actually cause a lot of relationships issues that lead to divorce.
6 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
They Show Up Unannounced
You had no plans to see your in-laws, but they just show up at your door whenever they want. You are then expected to drop everything you had planned, whether that was running errands or taking a nap, and host them.
They Criticize Your Parenting
When it comes to your parenting, your in-laws always have a lot to say. You’re holding the baby wrong. You’re not discipling enough. They even have something to say about whether or not you should not be working, because of course they made all the right parenting decisions.
They Give Unsolicited Relationship Advice
They want to try to tell you what you are doing wrong as a wife or husband. Perhaps maybe even your spouse confided in their sibling or parent about some relationship issues you are having, or they are making some assumptions about your relationship. Either way, they are butting in where they don’t belong.
Whether your in-laws have been married for 50 years or they are twice divorced, every relationship is different and no one has all the answers.
They Are Hyper Critical Of Your Partner
Some people will never be perfect enough for daddy’s little girl or a mama’s boy, but interfering in-laws can ruin a relationship by poisoning with words and creating doubt. No one is perfect, but having a parent point out everything that is wrong with your spouse is toxic and unhealthy.
They Make Demands On Your Free Time
You and your spouse like to spend most weekends being cozied up at home or spending time be with friends and being active. However, your parents expect Sunday dinners every week or family game night every Friday. Attendance is required…or else. You love your family, but you are an adult and you get to decide how you spend your free time.
They Emotionally Blackmail
When you and your partner are not complying with all of your in-laws wishes they engage in guilt trips and emotional blackmail. They may call you ungrateful, selfish, or any other term in order to make you feel like crap to get their way. Don’t fall for this. It’s a manipulation tactic used to control.
Family is important, but family can also be a big pain in the butt when they try control you and your partner, and refuse to respect appropriate boundaries. Everyone needs boundaries, even our loved ones.
It can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have, especially with your parents, to tell someone they need to give you and your partner space and respect your established boundaries.
Your marriage and relationship will have many challenges of its own without outside interference. It is better to bite the bullet, and be honest, than to allow overbearing family members to create more problems for you and your partner.
What are your thoughts on dealing with intrusive in-laws? Have you experienced situation? What did you do? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.” ― Susan Forward, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Breadcrumbing...4 Signs He Is Stringing You Along
You may or may not have heard the term breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is more commonly known as stringing along. Stringing another person along is a cruel and selfish act often found in faux relationships.
Faux relationships are just what you think they are. They are fake. Faux relationship are not real, at least to one of the people in the relationship.
The term breadcrumbing means to offer a little bit of attention and affection here and there to keep someone coming back, without giving them what they really want. In the case of relationships, you may want someone’s love, time, or a commitment, and they offer just enough of themselves to make you think there is hope of a future together.
In order to breadcrumb someone, the breadcrumber may hang out with their target occasionally, and give a booty call here or there, making them hope there is more to the faux relationship. All the while they are keeping them as a backup plan.
If you are unsure if someone is breadcrumbing you, this blog will help you recognize the signs
4 Signs Of Breadcrumbing
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Ghosts You A Lot
When someone is breadcrumbing they tend to drop in and out of your life a lot. They will go long periods of time without seeing you, texting you, and responding to your call or texts.
Won’t Define Relationship
You have no idea if you are lovers, a couple, or just friends. When you ask them how they feel about you, or try to get them to define your relationship, they dodge the question.
Won’t Let You End It
You realize that they never have any intentions of committing to you or formalizing your relationship in any way so you pull away. You cut off contact with them, and start seeing other people and moving on. Just when you are fine with letting them go, here they come wooing you once again.
Caring Then Distant
Once they realize they are losing you, and that your feelings may be changing, they start to give you all the affection and attention you had been craving. They sucker you back in. Once they think they have you back, they suddenly they become distant or disappear again.
Breadcrumbers are selfish, insecure people who will string you along for as long as you allow it. They count on you falling for their manipulations. But remember this, a breadcrumber actually needs you more than you need them. You are a security blanket and a back up plan for them.
They are sad people, but don’t allow them to use you and take advantage of your heart for their own selfish purposes.
What are your thoughts on breadcrumbers? Do you have experience with stringing someone along on being strung along by someone? Please share your thoughts and experience!
How To Spot A Liar...Both In Person And Through Text
I really dislike the word liar, but let's be honest, don’t we all tell the occasional lie? No one wants to be labeled a liar, but most people do not tell the truth all the time. Sure, the motivation for lying may vary from dishonest compliments with the purpose of not hurting someone’s feelings, to self-serving statements to elevate an individual’s status. But a lie is a lie.
Studies have found that most people lie in everyday conversation. No one should be lying and no one wants to be lied to, but there is a big difference between the harmless “white lie”, and the lie meant to deceive, manipulate, or control. It comes down to intent. Ironically, many people lie about never lying.
Some of us are more observant than others at reading people and can tell when we are being lied to, or when someone is lying a little or a lot. Being a human lie detector is a very useful skill that requires attention to detail, a great memory, and the ability to read body language.
If you are not a bonafide human lie detector, here are some tips to help you figure out when someone is lying.
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Signs Someone Is Lying In Person
Avoids Eye Contact
Eyes Shift Frequently
Body Is Still, With Little Hand Movement
Voice May Get Higher In Pitch
Voice and Body Language Do Not Match
Seems Nervous
Clears Throat and Swallows A Lot
Talks Very Fast or Really Slow
Starts To Groom Self
Signs Someone Is Lying Through Text
Over-Explains
Too Much Detail and Unnecessary Info
Delayed Responses To Texts
Text Bubble Starts and Stops A Lot
Avoids Direct Responses To Certain Questions
Changes Subject Without Really Answering Questions
Texting “Voice” Seems Different
If you think someone is lying to you then they probably are. Especially if this is someone you know fairly well, and have had many encounters with them. Trust your gut. Liars have a tell, you just need to pay attention and you will hear them loud and clear.
We are all imperfect humans, who lie occasionally to avoid hurting someone’s feeling, admitting fault, and to save face. It happens. But there is a difference between lying to spare someone pain, and being a self-serving coward who is uses lies to avoid responsibility, avoid difficult conversations, and to use and abuse people.
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsch
Should You Get Back With Your Ex? 5 Reasons To Go For It and 5 Reasons To Let It Go
Time and distance apart from someone can offer clarity. Unfortunately, time can also distort our memories and amplify reality. The farther we get from situations, the worse they may seem, and the more we minimize the significance of certain events.
It can be tricky when deciding if you should give a previous relationship another go, and get back with an ex. There is nothing wrong with considering another go with a former love.
Maybe the timing wasn’t right for either of you at the time, but things have changed and you have changed.
In making your decision on whether or not to try again with an ex, you have some things to consider.
5 Reasons You Should Get Back With Your Ex
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The Reason You Broke Up Is No Longer An issue
Whether you broke up because of distance or just being too busy with creating a career or life for yourself, your life is now different. You are now living in the same city, and your education and career are where you want them to be.
You Have Changed
You have realized that you are a different person, and don’t want the same things you used to. You broke up because he wanted to get married and settle down, and you didn’t want that life. You didn’t think you would ever want that life, but you have grown and changed and want to settle down now, preferably with him.
You Realized You Made A Mistake
You had unreasonable expectation for relationships and thought you could find better. You realized he was a wonderful man, and you blew it with your immaturity. No one is perfect and there is no such as Prince Charming. Recognizing he is a good man who truly loved you is a strong reason to consider getting back with an ex.
You Still Love Him
It’s not only that you still love him, but you are comparing every new guy to him. You cannot get over him, and miss him terribly. If your break up was amicable and in your heart and mind it never felt truly over, then you have a good reason to give it another try.
He Was The One
Being with him felt a little too perfect, and it scared you. Now that you have had time apart from your ex, and perhaps dated a few others, you come to a realization that he may have been the one. You two had something special, and the chemistry and passion you experienced with him cannot be replicated.
5 Reasons Not To Get back With Your Ex
You Don’t Think You Can Do Better
Low self-esteem can wreak havoc on our lives, and often makes people settle for relationships that are less than what they deserve because they do not think they can do any better. If your ex was lazy, rude, or abusive, trust me, you can do better.
You Are Lonely
We all feel lonely from time to time, whether we are in a relationship or not. However, loneliness is not a reason to be in a relationship where you don’t feel valued, respected, or happy. Don’t let fear and moments of weakness be a determining factor in getting back with someone.
Pregnancy Or Children Together
Being with someone just because you have a child together is a bad idea. If you love them and want to be with them then that is one thing, but forcing a relationship because you are pregnant is not a reason to push a relationship that did not work. Learn how to co-parent together, and leave the romance out of it.
You Hate Being Single
You have never been good at dating and meeting new people. In fact, you hate it. On days when you feel lonely, it may seem easier to just go back to what was familiar and comfortable. On those days remind yourself of all the reasons why it ended with your ex.
You Feel Pressured To Get Back With Them
Whether it’s your ex, or family and friends interfering, you should not let others opinions pressure you into being in a relationship you don’t want. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, and what really happens between to people in a relationship when no one else is around.
You know why you do not want to be with your ex, and really shouldn’t have to explain your reasons to anyone.
You now have five reasons for and against getting back with your ex. Weigh the pros and cons and make the decision that makes the most sense to you and leads you down a path of happiness.
What are you thoughts on getting back with ex? Do you think once a relationship has ended that it can be rekindled and better the second time around? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” -Anthony Robbins
5 Signs He’s Just Your Type...The Reasons You Go For The Same Guys
Break ups are tough, and after each one we swear to ourselves we are never doing that again. We will never go for that type of guy ever again. Makes sense, right? Your last relationship didn’t work out and you were left heartbroken.
You are not swearing off men altogether, but you promise yourself the next guy will be completely different than guys from your past.
You promised yourself things would be different in your next relationship, but at some point it started to feel like groundhog day. It feels as if you are having the same relationships over and over again. But why, you ask yourself? He seemed different, but was he really?
Believe it or not, we all have a type. And try as we might, we are just innately drawn to certain people. When we try to venture into a relationship with someone out of the norm it just doesn’t feel right. Something feels off.
You can force the relationship of course, and hope for a different outcome, but it will not necessarily be better, just different.
5 Signs He’s Your Type
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Strong Physical Attraction
You know he’s your type when you find yourself extremely attracted to him. Whether your type is tall, with green eyes, and black wavy hair, or bald with caramel skin and an amazing ass, there is a man whose looks makes you go weak in the knees.
Amazing Chemistry
Chemistry is just off the charts with some people, and is especially amazing with guys who are your type. Chemistry happens naturally between two people. Romantic chemistry is an intense connection you will feel with the right person.
You Get Each Other
Maybe you’re a little weird or quirky, and he’s a standoffish and introverted but it doesn’t matter because you both just get each other. What others find odd or annoying, you two find endearing and cute. You get the same jokes and have the same sense of humor. You can communicate with just a look.
Just Feels Right
We can try to be open and get out of our comfort zone to date others who are not really our type, but something will always feel off. When we our true to ourselves and date our type we feel more at ease and happier in the relationship. Being with your type feels like “home”. It feels like you are where you belong.
Unexplainable Pull To Each Other
The reality is that we are just more compatible with some people than others. We find some people more attractive than others on both physical and mental levels. In many ways it’s unexplainable why we like who we like, and who we are drawn to. It’s unexplainable, but the feeling is everything.
As people, we evolve and change and so does our taste and types we are attracted to some degree. If you had a thing for bad boys in your teens, you may still like men who have a little bit of a rebel in them but you can also want someone reliable and mature.
What are your thoughts on having a type? Has the type of men you go for evolved over time or stayed the same? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“I get so breathless, when you call my name. I've often wondered, do you feel the same? There's a chemistry, energy, a synchronicity, when we're all alone.” ― Corinne Bailey Rae
Self Love...Best Ways To Pamper Yourself
There are many ways to love yourself. It is just as important to be kind, respectful, and loving to yourself as it is to others. Taking time for yourself is personal maintenance and you should not feel guilty for doing it.
How you pamper yourself is unique to you and what relaxes you and brings you peace.
I pamper myself and recharge with some self-indulgences, and no regrets about it. Everyone needs the occasional indulgence. I think my indulgences are simple, not too pricey, and oh so pleasing. If you are not sure how to go about pampering yourself, I have some suggestions for you.
5 Ways To Give Yourself Some Love
“Me” Time
We all deserve to have some time to ourselves and our thoughts. Or maybe time to just not think at all. Whether you are a wife, girlfriend, mother of two, or full time student, you need to take time for yourself to recharge. I like to hit the gym or get a facial for my me time.
Flowers
Fresh flowers are a must have in my home. I buy fresh flowers every week for the kitchen island, the family room, and the master bedroom. Lilies and tulips are my favorite, but I will also mix it up with seasonal flowers.
Like right now I have spring bouquets throughout the house with peonies, tulips, and lucky me, beautiful white and pink lilies.
Cookware
I cook daily for my family. Le Creuset is my cookware of choice. It is pricey but I love to cook and it is so worth it. Le Creuset is quality, heavy, cast iron cookware that I see myself passing on to my daughters who also like to cook.
The cookware comes in great colors. I prefer the caribbean blue. I also splurged on some great bakeware from William Sonoma. Awesome products which make my time in the kitchen easier and much more enjoyable.
Beauty
Now that I am in my forties, my self-awareness in regards to aging is on high alert. I have always taken pretty good care of my skin, but I have bounced around from products. Well I have finally found the skin care and make-up line that I think works best for me, and that is Estee Lauder.
Estee Lauder is also very pricey but worth it to me. I also get regular facials and pedicures which are so relaxing, they are almost therapeutic.
Hikes
Hikes or walks, call it what you will, I enjoy them. I like to get up early on Saturday and Sunday mornings and go for about 2 hours if I can. It clears my mind and get those endorphins going. This one is probably the best indulgence of them all.
I listed things that I enjoy and love to do. That’s really the secret to self love. You find time for the things you love to do and do them. What are your thoughts on self love? Do you make time for yourself? Please share your thoughts and experience!
"If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself." -Barbara De Angelis
5 Signs You Don’t Trust Him
Trust, or lack there of can make or break a relationship. Trust has to be earned, and once lost it is very difficult to get it back. Once you start to distrust your partner, your relationship starts to feel off as you wait with impending doom. You see them differently and interact with him differently.
Your lack of trust for your man may be due to a past betrayal on his part, your own personal insecurities, or just a gut feeling. If you are dating or married to a liar or a cheater then you expect to play detective to some degree throughout the life of your relationship.
Be mindful if you are allowing past relationships or insecurities to create distrust of your man. That is not fair to him.
5 Signs You Don’t Trust Him
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You Check His Phone
The minute he heads to the shower or falls asleep you are trying to get a peek at his phone. His phone is never far from him, so your suspicion that he is hiding something is always there.
If you are snooping on your man’s phone when he is not around, that is a big violation of his privacy, but also indicative that you do not trust him.
You Get Clingy
You feel uneasy when apart from him. You worry what he is doing and who he’s with when away from you. So you become super clingy, wanting to be with him all the time. Unfortunately this is a turn off and usual backfires making him want to spend more time away from you.
You Interrogate
You are always trying to verify his stories and catch him in a lie. You directly or subtly ask him questions about where he’s been, where he’s going, and who was he talking to. If you truly trust him, you will not feel the need to know his every move.
But if you do not trust him you will feel paranoid about what he’s doing behind your back.
You Analyze
You are always looking for clues and evidence of betrayal. Every word that comes out of his mouth is scrutinized. You note his every move expecting to, but also hoping not to, catch him in a lie.
It is always there just under the surface, which makes it hard sometimes to enjoy your time together.
You Check His Social Media
You are snooping on his Facebook account. You check to see who he has direct messaged on Instagram, and you want to know whose pictures he is liking. All signs that you don’t trust him.
It is an awful feeling to be with someone you do not trust, and just as terrible a feeling to not be trusted. If you are doing the behaviors listed in this blog you need to ask yourself why, and then deal with it. Either you have trust issues that you need to work out, or you are with the wrong person.
What do you do when you are having trust issues in your relationship? Do you agree with the signs of you not trusting him? Please share your thought and feelings on lack of trust in a relationship!
“Distrust is like a vicious fire that keeps going and going, even put out, it will reignite itself, devouring the good with the bad, and still feeding on empty.” ― Anthony Liccione
5 Signs You Are Emotionally Stressed
Life is stressful. Stress can come from all different areas in our lives. Sometimes just saying the word stress can induce that feeling of burden and anxiety. We stress over finances and health, and family and relationships. Not to mention all the in between stresses of “how will I ever be able to do this or that?.
All stress is not a bad thing. Stress can actually be a good motivator to get things done and accomplish more. The problem comes when our stress levels spiral out of control and we feel completely unable to manage the stress.
It is important to recognize when you are emotionally stressed in order to get it under control.
5 Signs You Are Emotionally Stressed
Difficulty Sleeping
Stress can cause difficulty sleeping for several reasons. When you are stressed about something, thoughts of that concern or issue is always on your mind. It can feel almost impossible to shut those thoughts off and relax enough to be able to fall asleep.
Change In Eating Habits
Many people eat their feelings. When stressed you may find that you go for comfort food, which is usually foods that are high is sugar and fat. So not only are you still stressed, but also riddled with guilt over the pint of ice cream you just ate.
For others, when they are stressed they lose their appetite. Some people find themselves unable to eat or even thinking about eating when they feel stressed.
Overly Emotional
It doesn’t take much to make a person who is emotionally stressed to flip out and go to tears. Stress brings our emotions right to the surface, and can affect our ability to think rationally and control our emotions.
When feeling overly emotional it is best to avoid people, until you feel like you have a handle on your thoughts and feelings. Otherwise you may be filled with regret for your hurtful words or behavior.
Feeling Tired
Being stressed is both physically and emotionally draining. Not to mention that your sleep is negatively impacted when you are stressed out.
When feeling emotional stressed you may have feelings of low energy, and like you are dragging around a ten pound ball behind you.
Your Body Hurts
Stress will manifest itself physically. Stress can cause back pain, neck pain, and even heart palpitations. Headaches are very common during times of stress. Extreme stress can make you feel like you are having a heart attack and raise your blood pressure to dangerous levels.
5 Ways To Manage Your Stress
There will always be some element of stress in your life. That should be expected. But there are some simple things you can do help keep your stress at manageable levels.
Meditate
Go For A Walk
Exercise
Focus On Your Hobbies
Journal
The best thing you can do for yourself is find healthy outlets for your stress. For you that may mean making changes to your personal or professional life. Or it could mean seeking counseling or confiding in a friend. Just remember that you do not have to go it alone.
What are your thoughts on emotional stress? How do you cope when feeling overwhelmed? Please share your thoughts!
“If you don't think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days. “- Kris Carr
6 Signs He's A Player
Players…no matter your age group there are players out there on the hunt. Some men are not interested in having a committed relationship. It may be just who he is or he has been hurt or betrayed in the past and is in self preservation mode.
Regardless of his reasons for being a player, it is not okay for him to string a woman along and not be honest about his intentions.
A player likes to have women at his beck and call. He wants them when it’s convenient for him. No one wants to be led on or toyed with. If you do not want to get played, you need to know the signs of a player.
6 Signs He’s A player
Smooth Talker
Players are very charming when you first meet them. They always know just what to say to pull you in. Players are flirty wordsmiths, who know how to make you feel good about yourself in the beginning and crave their attention.
Very Confident
Confidence is sexy, but players are confident to the point of arrogance. Players are very sure of themselves, sure of their words, and sure that they can get can just about any girl they set their sights on.
He will brag and let you know how wonderful he is, and let you know how lucky you are to be with him.
No Meeting His Friends
A player will not introduce just any chick to his friends, or family, for that matter. Since a player is just using you for sex and something to do, he will not want you meeting important people in his life.
If you do meet his friends, they will often act strange around you. His friends will act as if there is a big secret or joke that you are not in on.
Non-Committal
You need a date to one of your friends from college wedding. He is the only guy you have been seeing but he tells you he probably won’t be able to make it. In fact, anytime you ask him to accompany you to something he is always busy or has some excuse.
He’s Secretive
A player likes to string multiple women along at any given time. When you are with him he may receive lots of text and do a lot of texting. He is very careful with his phone, ensuring you do not see who he is texting with.
He also has very strict rules about you going to his place. He will rarely have you over, but when he does you are on the clock and are not allowed to leave anything behind.
Prioritizes Sex
A player loves a booty call so watch out. He does not often, if ever, take you out for a meal or a date. He will go days or weeks without any contact, but then you will get an out of the blue text, usually late at night saying he wants to “meet” up.
There is nothing wrong with having a casual relationship with no commitment, as long as both parties are aware that the relationship is casual and is not going anywhere. That’s the problem with players. They want everything from you while giving you so little in return.
What is your experience with players? Do you think players ever change? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Dear Players: Go ahead and play your deceitful little games- lying and manipulating women to get laid-because that’s the only way you can get them interested. Maybe you will have a different perspective when you’re wiping the tears off your daughter’s face…because she dated a man like you. - Charles J. Orlando
Best Quotes About Fresh Starts and New Beginnings
Life is unpredictable. Sometime the things we thought were meant for us do not work out. We have a choice to make at some point. We can either stay stuck and stagnant, or decide to make a fresh start and move on.
Moving on and starting over is scary, but fresh starts and new beginnings are exciting and will breathe new life into you. Here are my favorite quotes about fresh starts and new beginnings.
