Cushioning....The Back Up Plan In Case Your Relationship Doesn't Work Out

Cushioning is the Plan B guy or girl kept waiting in the wings in case your current relationship doesn't work out. Here's a hint, if you have a plan b guy or girl, or someone waiting in the wings, your relationship is ultimately NOT going to work out.

If you have been cushioning, you are not 100 percent invested in the person you are with, or that relationship, and probably should find someone you feel more passionate about.

Cushioning is really just a new term for an age old relationship tactic. The relationship behavior is called cushioning because it is the fall back plan. A safe landing spot so to speak, so you are not left out there completely on your own when you break up or divorce. 

While I always believe in having a plan A, B, C, for most things in life, I never once considered having other romantic partners as part of a back up plan. You are either in and committed, or you are out and want to move on.

Cushioning can be done by having an emotional affair, flirting and texting, or it can be with outright sex and cheating. I say outright cheating because each person has their own definition of what they consider to be cheating in a relationship. 

Either way, the relationship is nearing an end, but like a monkey, he or she will not let go of one branch until they have the next branch firm in hand. Lovely, right?

5 Signs Your Partner is Cushioning

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Your Partner Is Being Secretive

They are being secretive because there is someone else, or several someones, and they are trying to hide them from you. It can be as basic as some light flirting in text, sexting going on, or an actual sexual affair. Whatever they are doing, they have a motivation to hide their phone activity from you.

The hiding of the their phone, taking calls in private, and secretive computer behavior are all telltale signs of cushioning, or let's be honest, flat out cheating.

He’s Inconsistent

Your partner treats you inconsistently because that is how they feel about you. One day they want to make it work and want to stay in the relationship, and they next moment not so much. Their heart is not in the relationship any longer, but they feel an obligation to stick it out. Whatever “sticking it out” means to them.

He’s Non Committal

They do not want to make future plans and commitments with you because they kind of want out, and want to keep their options open. They do not want to move in with you, get a dog, or even put down money on a nice vacation because they know it may complicate ending the relationship.

If they were always the planner and the dreamer in the relationship, and now they barely show any interest in plans, it does not bode well for a future together.

Distant

There has been a shift in their feelings for you, and a change in their behavior towards you. They cannot help it. They are not that into you anymore and cannot hide it. They may just want out because the love is gone, or they are torn between you and another. A person can only pretend for so long.

 If they are engaged in an emotional affair, they will likely be distant, but it could be a little trickier to catch on to, and far more threatening than any of the other shenanigans. An emotional affair would be a biggie because that would mean they are in love, or at least believe themselves to be, in love with someone else.

Your Gut Says So

I am a big believer in trusting gut feelings, and if your gut is telling you your guy or girl has someone on the side, or one foot out the door, listen to it. We all get that sinking feeling when something is off, especially in relationships. Love yourself enough, and respect yourself to let someone go who doesn’t want to be with you.

After all, how happy can anyone really be with someone who is cheating, staying with you out of obligation, or loves another.

Cushioning is mainly considered a dating trend, but it can happen to any relationship, including marriages. While cushioning may seem like a way to protect yourself, you may really hurt others, and it is cowardly behavior. Cushioning is rooted in fear, insecurities, and selfishness.

n my opinion, it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person, and if there is cushioning in your relationship you are with the wrong person.

What is your experience with cushioning? Have you ever cushioned someone? Or have you ever knowingly been someone's cushion? Are you the monkey or the branch in the case of cushioning? No judgement! Please share your story or experience!

“If a man, who says he loves you, won’t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.” - Shannon L. Alder

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5 Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man

It can be difficult to recognize and accept that your partner is emotionally unavailable, but doing so is a must for your own mental and emotional well being. An emotionally unavailable person is someone who is unwilling, or unable to communicate, discuss, or share and open up about how they feel.

Good communication, especially when it comes to communicating feelings is a must for a relationship to function in a healthy manner.

It is frustrating to care deeply for someone, and not feel that love in return. Part of a healthy, loving relationship is discussing and sharing your feelings, but when you are with someone who is emotionally unavailable they can often seem cold and distant.

You will have an overwhelming desire to heal their wounds that have made them so closed off and emotionally stunted, but this will come at the cost of your own heart and emotional well being.

Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Commitment Issues

He likes to "casually" mention that he doesn't believe in marriage or monogamy. Or he often says that is not really the relationship type, or that he is not good at relationships. If he is saying this...believe him and get out of dodge fast.

This guy doesn't necessarily want to be alone, but he wants you in his life on his terms, and when it's convenient for him. It's about control and a power play for him.

He's Inconsistent

One minute he is crazy about you, he cannot get enough of you, and is making plans for a future with you. Then the next week you barely hear from him, and cannot get him to return a text or commit to a time to see you. This is a big red flag and should be a one and done situation.

He is all over the place, playing games because he can, and is not to be trusted with your heart.

Detached

Early in the relationship he was Mr. Charming, and that's how he reeled you in. Once he had you, he slowly became detached and disengaged from the relationship. 

He avoids difficult discussions, he has bad habits such as drinking too much, and sometimes avoids you completely, except of course when you are putting out. He can be very cold at times, and easily disregards your feelings.

Rocky Past Relationships

He has nothing nice to say about his exes. They were crazy, or liars, or cheaters, or all three. But I am willing to bet if you heard their side of things, it was him who was the crazy, cheating, liar. If his past is filled with bad women, then he is the common denominator.

He is making himself the victim, and not being truthful about why those past relationships didn't work out. Every story has three sides, his is not likely the entire truth.

He's A Jerk

I know, this one is really hard to come to terms with. You want to see your man as a good guy, but be honest with yourself, and don't make excuses for his behavior. How is he really? How do your friends and family see him? Do you have to apologize for his behavior sometimes?

Being nice sometimes, while being an obnoxious ass the rest of the time makes him not a nice guy. In fact, it makes him a jerk who can be nice when it suits him.

The Psychology Behind Emotional Unavailability

There are many reasons as to why a man may be emotionally unavailable, the main one being his childhood. He may have grew up in an environment where expressing and showing emotions were discouraged, ridiculed, or possibly flat out not allowed. His role models growing up were also emotionally unavailable, and he modeled himself after them.

A man may also be emotionally unavailable due to having suffered a trauma. The trauma may have been in their childhood or later in life, but that trauma left them with emotional wounds. Sadly, a good old fashioned broken heart and betrayal can lead to a man being emotionally unavailable, and to being unable to be open again. 

When someone is emotionally unavailable, they are unavailable. You are not going to heal them with your love, or change them and make them suddenly see the light. They have to be willing make the necessary changes to have a healthy relationship, and probably should get some counseling to deal with their unresolved issues.

Being with someone who is emotionally unavailable is not a relationship, it is a project, and so not worth it. What are your thoughts on the emotionally unavailable man? Are you currently in a relationship or in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable? Please share your experience!

"Pity those who don't feel anything at all." - Sarah J. Mass, A Court of Thorns and Roses

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5 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship

The signs of an unhealthy relationship are pretty easy to spot, although they can go ignored occasionally by those in bad relationships. Sometimes we can become so hyper-focused on what is going wrong in relationships that we fail to see what makes good relationships great.

It is important to be able to recognize your healthy relationship and keep doing what is working.

Healthy relationships consists of simple, basic elements that are needed for each individual in the relationship to feel complete and happy. It seems so simple, but if you are with the wrong person it will be difficult to have a happy, healthy relationship.

Signs Of A Healthy Relationship

Free To Disagree

In a healthy relationship, you will feel safe and comfortable disagreeing with your partner. Unless you are sharing a brain, you are going to have your own thoughts and opinions, and sometimes they will not be the same as your mate, and that's okay. Or at least it should be okay.

There should not be fear that your partner will be angry or hold it against you that you occasionally disagree with them, or that you voice your opinion.

Separate Hobbies

In a healthy relationship you recognize the importance of having friends and hobbies outside of the relationship, and are comfortable doing things separately at times. If you are with the right one you will have plenty in common, but there are things you will want and need to do with others.

When you come back together after having time apart, you will have missed each other, and have interesting stories to share.

Friendship

A healthy relationship starts with a great friendship. You should truly like one another and enjoy each other's company. You have great talks, loads of things in common, and shared interests.

You are best friends, although you both still have other good friends. Your partner is the first person you want to share good news with, you vent to them, and cry on their shoulder when you are feeling sad or frustrated.

You Have Fun Together

In a healthy relationship you enjoy being together and have fun. You should be able to completely be yourself. You can be silly, and dorky, and cute and corny and there is no fear of judgement. You have lots of laughs, a similar sense of humor, and laugh at the same things.

Biggest Fans

In a healthy relationship, your partner will be your biggest supporter, encourager, and fan. When you love someone you want to see them do well, and only want the best for them. Your partner should want to see you succeed in your career, your education, and the following of your dreams, within reason.

Like I said, it seems simple, but finding the right person to have a healthy relationship is hard. It takes self-reflection, understanding your wants and needs, and a whole lot of patience. It is very easy to spot a bad relationship, and when things are not working, but what about the healthy relationship that is working?

If you are in a healthy relationship, recognize it for what it is, appreciate it, and keep that relationship strong. If you do not have the elements of a healthy relationship you may want to rethink your situation. What are your thoughts on healthy relationships? What signs do you look for in a healthy relationship? Please share!

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” 
- Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger In A Strange Land

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Declarations Of Love...My 20 Favorite Love Quotes

Declarations of love are sweet, romantic, and yes, even a little cheesy at times. But nevertheless, they still manage to melt our hearts, put a smile on our lips, and bring tears to our eyes. Over the years, I have read many quotes declaring love and adoration for their hearts desire.

These are my favorite 20 love quotes, not only because they express feelings of love so beautifully, but because I can relate to each and every one of these quotes.

My 20 Favorite Love Quotes

Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfections and makes allowances for human weakness. - Ann Landers

I realized I was thinking of you, and I began to wonder how long you'd been on my mind. Then it occurred to me: Since I met you, you never left. - Unknown

Thinking of you keeps me awake. Dreaming of you keeps me asleep. Being with you keeps me alive. - Unknown

I wish I could turn back the clock. I'd find you sooner and love you longer. - Unknown

I hope you know that every time I tell you to get home safe, stay warm, have a good day, or sleep well what I am really saying is I love you. I love you so damn much that it is starting to steal other words' meanings. " — Open-365

I want you. All of you. Your flaws. Your mistakes. Your imperfections. I want you, and only you. - Unknown

As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. - John Green, The Fault In Our Stars

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. - Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

Distance means nothing, when someone means everything. - Unknown

Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it. - Nicholas Sparks, A Walk To Remember

The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space. - Marilyn Monroe

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. - Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

You are, and always have been, my dream. - Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. - Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

We loved with a love that was more than love. - Edgar Allen Poe

When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew. - William Shakespeare

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. - Vladimir Nobokov, Lolita

They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now. - Edna St. Vincent Millay

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close - Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Not everyone is a romantic, or goes in for the mushy stuff, but you cannot tell me that if you heard these words coming from the mouth of someone you were romantically interested in, that you wouldn't be incredibly moved. Perhaps even swept off your feet.

I think many of us crave that story book romance on some level. We do not necessarily want some man taking care of us, but I think that even the most independent, realistic version of ourselves will appreciate the whispering of sweet nothings in our ear.

What's your favorite love quote? Please share!

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8 Signs You’re Basically Roommates, Not A Couple

How does a once hot and passionate couple go from being lovers to roommates?  No one can say for sure, but the why varies from relationship to relationship. At some point in the relationship, you fell out of love, the passion left, and you just continued on as usual minus all the elements that actually made you a couple.

Whether you are married or in a long-term committed relationship, the roommate syndrome can happen to anyone. People change, circumstances change, and relationships evolve over time. The newness and excitement that is present in the early stages of a relationship will eventually fade, and reality will set in.

Once the relationship comes back down to earth after spending months in the clouds with crazy love and passion, it can be challenging to maintain that fire. Compatibility, good chemistry, and shared values and life goals will go a long way in keeping a relationship strong, and help prevent the roommate syndrome.

Here are 8 signs to look for if you think you might have become roommates.

Signs You Are Living Like Roommates

Sleeping Apart

If you are sleeping apart, whether it is every night, or just a couple of days a week, you are roommates. The marital bed is where your true intimacy happens. You have sex there, it is where you cuddle, and it's that place you have your deep talks before falling asleep.

No Touching

You barely touch one another, if you touch each other at all. Maybe you are not one for public displays of affection, but there should be kisses, hugging, hand holding, and gentle touches given to each other on a regular basis.

If you can barely remember the last time you had a passionate kiss with your significant other, you are roommates.

No Fighting

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You both are just so polite to one another. Not that you should be screaming at one another, but no fighting means no passion and no fire.

When you become so detached from your partner that you cannot be bothered to have a disagreement, or you just stop speaking to one another because they annoy you all the time, you have checked out of your relationship, and you are just roommates.

Lack Of Intimacy

If you rarely have sex, if you have it at all, you are just roommates. When the sex feels like a chore, or like something you just have to get done and over with, you are not a couple. If the sex is not enjoyable, and foreplay is non existent, the relationship is all but over.

No Quality Time Together

Quality time can be spent many ways, but the key word is quality. Quality time can be had while cooking together, having a nice meals together, or by just vegging out together in front of the television with a glass of wine. Discussions about the kids, household chores, or talks about bills or finances is not quality time.

Quality time will deepen your connection. If you are not spending quality time together, and do not want to spend quality time with one another, you are just roommates.

No Deep Conversation

When you do talk to each other it is very surface discussion, or about the kids. You avoid discussing your relationship issues, or about anything that will rock the boat. Talking about hopes and dreams is a thing of the past, and you avoid discussing the future because you know you will not likely be together much longer.

Nothing In Common

You have come to the realization that you have nothing in common with your partner. In the early stages of relationships it is easy to get so caught up in the passion and attraction that you don't realize that you have next to nothing in common.

You convinced yourself that it didn't matter, or pretended to like and enjoy things you really didn't, for the sake of making the relationship work. If the only things you share in common with your partner are that you live together, have a dog, or both eat food, you are not a couple; you are just roommates.

Always Apart When Together

You are upstairs, and he is downstairs. You’re in the garage, and she’s in the kitchen or with the kids. Anything to avoid spending any real time together. If when you get home from work you consistently go your separate ways in your home, you are just roommates.

Although every relationship is unique, and different in their own way, they all tend to share some fundamental challenges. Life happens, and we all get busy with work and kids, but that is not the reason you become roommates. In fact, being busy with work and kids is the excuse you give yourself for why the magic and love has left.

You ignore the problems in your relationship, and tell yourself that it's just a phase, and it will get better. But it won't.

In my personal opinion, the roommate relationship occurs because the relationship has died, but no one wants to admit it or deal with the obstacles that come with untangling your lives. So instead of being honest with yourself and your partner, you hope things will get better or just accept that this is your life, and settle for having a roommate.

What are your thoughts on the roommate syndrome? Is a roommate relationship better than being alone? Do you think these relationships can get better? Or are they a waste of the valuable time you have in this life? Please share!

"In some relationships there comes a time when the two people just outgrow each other." Unknown

What To Read Next

More Relationship Advice

Wondering if he’s pulling away? - 6 Signs He’s In Love With Someone Else‍ ‍6 Signs He’s Not The One

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8 Life Skills All Teens Should Have Before Heading Off To College

Very few things are scarier and more heart wrenching for a parent than the day they leave their child at college. It is a proud moment for a parent to see their 'baby' leave the nest, but it is also sad and worrisome.

A friend recently shared her experience with me about the day she dropped her daughter off to college, and the feelings that followed for months. Her words, "no one told me it would feel like this" really resonated with me.

My friend was not alone in her sadness and anxiety in leaving her daughter at college. Many parents feel this way. As the college drop off day approaches, you may start to question if you have prepared your young adult, or forever baby, for the world.

Unfortunately there is no magic pill, formula, or tutorial that helps us raise the perfect child, or perfectly prepare a child to go off into the world. But there are things we can do as parents to help them grow into capable adults and ease the transition.

Life Skills Needed Before Heading Off To College

Manage Money/Budget

Your teen should have a decent understanding of how to manage their money, and how to stay within a budget. One of the best ways to do this is to give them a debit card or refillable cash card in their junior or senior year of high school, or at an even earlier age depending on the child, and have them make some basic purchases for themselves.

Add a specific amount of money to the account or card and have them stay within a budget on the card. If the money runs out before the specified time, they will have to wait until more money is added by you.

How To Do Laundry

Your young adults needs to know how to do their own laundry. Cleaning their clothes and doing laundry is a basic function of self-care. There is no mommy or maid at college to pick up their clothes off the bedroom or bathroom floor and wash them. Laundry is simple to us, but we all know you can ruin clothes if you do not know what you are doing.

How To Cook

Despite what your teen thinks, they should not survive on fast food. Not only is it unhealthy, and adding to the freshman 15, but it is also a budget buster. Male or female , having some simple culinary skills are a must. Not being able "to boil water" is not cute.

Whether it's scrambling or boiling eggs, making salads and sandwiches, or taking ramen to the next level by adding some frozen veggies and protein, give them the tools they need.. 

How To Shop For Groceries

If they are going to cook occasionally, your teen will need to know how to grocery shop. They should know how to bargain shop, find the deals, check expiration dates, and calculating their spending before getting to the cashier.

How To Pay Bills

Allow your teen to have a couple of bills that they are responsible for to teach them responsibility, and help them get use to managing their finances. The bills can be something small like a cell phone bill or car insurance.

The bill doesn't matter so much as that they understand the importance of paying bills timely, and understand the consequences of when they fail to do so.

How To Clean

Many teens keep their rooms like pig sties, but we can all hope they will eventually outgrow being messy, eventually. Your teen should know how to clean a bathroom, how often to wash their bedding, how to vacuum, and cleaner to use for different surface.

Drive/Use Public Transportation

Whether you are sending your kid off with a car or a bus pass, they should know how to get around and navigate their way in a new city. Ensure they know how to read a map, change a tire, and understand the importance of regular maintenance for a vehicle.

Sense of Self

If there is any one skill your child needs to leave home with let it be a sense of self. Your child should know right from wrong, know how to say no, and be confident enough to stand up for themselves.

There will be a lot of temptations and a lot of freedom in college, just like the real world in general. But having a young adult who is confident, and does not feel the need to do any and everything for the sake of fitting in can make a big difference.

It is never easy to see our children grow up and leave home. However, there can be some comfort found in knowing you have prepared them for the day that they go off on their own. Teaching them some basic life skills will make their life, and yours, all that much easier.

I didn't include getting a job as a life skill needed before college, because I think that many see college as a means to getting a good job. However, work ethics should be taught at home by giving responsibilities with chores around the home. What are your thoughts on the needed life skills before college? Please share!

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Top 5 Relationship Deal Breakers...The List We All Need To Have!

In my opinion, having relationship deal breakers is really about self-worth and self-respect. You are saying to yourself, "this is what I deserve, and I will not settle for less." You can call it being picky, but I call it being smart.

Many of us have a mental list, written lists for some, of all of the traits and characteristic we want in an ideal mate. We usually know, or hopefully know, what we need to be happy in a relationship, and having a partner who has your ideal traits can help that happen. You may want a mate who is smart, funny, outgoing, and handsome.

You can find that "ideal" person, they are out there. The problem is that sometimes you can meet someone that checks all the boxes of your ideal mate, but they may also be full of traits that are unacceptable.

My 5  Relationship Deal Breakers

Dishonesty

Dishonesty is a lack of honesty or a tendency to lie, cheat or steal. I think it goes without saying that no one wants to be lied to or betrayed by someone they are in a relationship with. Dishonesty is a deal breaker for me because I cannot be with someone I do not trust.

For me, blatant lying is not the only way to be dishonest. Being secretive, hiding things, and omissions are also forms of dishonesty.

Selfishness

Selfish people care only for themselves, and they are primarily concerned with their own interests, benefit, and welfare. A partnership with a selfish person feels like anything but a partnership. Being with someone who takes far more than they give is painful, and is a definite deal breaker. 

Watch out for this one because it will be hard to spot early in the relationship because you will want to take care of and do a lot for your new love. It may not be until much later that you start to realize how one-sided the relationship had been.

Pay attention to how much they allow you to do for them, but rarely reciprocate or inconvenience themselves for you.

Disrespect

Disrespectful people are rude, discourteous, and overall unpleasant. I have a zero tolerance rule with disrespect. We show others how to treat us, and if we allow them to be, treat, or speak to us in a disrespectful manner there will always be a lack of respect.

This rule also applies to being with someone you don't respect. Maybe you never respected them and settled, or lost respect for them along the way, but if you do not respect your partner, it can be difficult to treat them in a respectful manner. Be mindful that this is still a deal breaker.

Emotional Unavailability

An emotionally unavailable man is unable to share and communicate his emotions, and be open and honest about his feelings. The emotionally unavailable mate will suck you in, and then break your heart. Both men and women can be emotionally unavailable, although there are some differences in how they go about it, the relationship results can be the same.

An emotionally unavailable partner can seem like a challenge, a challenge you want. You will want to be the one to heal them, and break down their walls. Unfortunately you may get a lot more than you bargained for.

Communication is very important for a healthy relationship, but this will be lacking with an emotionally unavailable mate. This is a deal breaker because life is short and you are not going to change them. 

Lack of Motivation

Motivation is an act or reason to accomplish or achieve a goal or goals. A lack of motivation can be a sign of depression, or a sign of being lazy. A lazy partner is a big deal breaker.

A partner who lacks motivation will lack passion, and honestly it is difficult to respect a lazy person. Being with someone you cannot respect is unwise, and it would be settling.

Relationship deal breakers should be reasonable if you want to have healthy relationships, but non-negotiable once you set your standard. These deal breakers will vary from person to person. We all determine what is right for us, but there should be no settling just for the sake of keeping anyone.

What are your relationship deal breakers? If you have never thought about your deal breakers, I recommend that you do. How many on this list are your deal breakers too? Please share!

"The moment you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do."  Unknown

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Love, Crush, or Infatuation? How to Tell the Difference

I think many people often mistake crushes and infatuation with love. It’s easy to see how the two are mistaken for love because the feelings are so intense, but there is a difference. A big difference in fact. In the movies, adorable couples infatuated with each other fall in love and live happily ever after, right?

In real life things tend to be a little different.

Crushes and infatuation go hand in hand, and are very similar. Crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable. Infatuation is defined as an intense but short lived passion or admiration for someone or something.

Unlike crushes and states of infatuation, love truly sees and accepts their object of affection. Love is an intense feeling of deep affection.

Love is patient, love is understanding, and love is forgiving. Love desires a deep connection, while infatuation craves physical interactions.

Signs Of Crushes and Infatuation

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Feelings Come on Fast

Infatuation hits with an out of this world intensity. You saw them and you knew you had to have them. Love at first sight, so to speak. The feelings didn't grow and develop over time, which is what happens with love, they were almost instantaneous.

Short Lived

Crushes come and go pretty quickly, usually in a matter of months. Love stays, whether the relationship works or not, the feelings are always there to some degree.

Sees Perfection

With crushes and infatuation, it is more about the idea of the person, than the person themselves. Maybe you think you would look great together as a couple, or one or both of you have a certain status in the community or a high income.

The mind creates and envisions the perfect life together, and the happily ever after with Prince Charming.

Crazy Or Irrational Behavior

Crushes can lead to stalking, intense jealously, and obsessive behavior. Sometimes the intense feelings of crushes can also cause risky behavior, and irrational thinking.

Based On Attraction

Crushes are often based strictly on physical attributes since you really don't know the "real" person, and there is nothing else to go on except what you created in your head.

The infatuation begins because you find them beautiful or hot, and strongly desire the person. Usually, the crush is someone who is out of reach for you.

Signs Of Love

Feelings Last

With love, feelings may not last forever, but they do last a while, whether you stay in a relationship or not. Love does not go away after a couple of months, or because you realize they are flawed or look a hot mess in the morning.

Accepts Them, Flaws And All

When we truly love someone, we see their flaws, and we accept them. Maybe he's a little short, or she's a little chubby, but if you are in love you don't care.

Open and Honest

Love is willing to go deep. Love is open and honest. Love wants to share their hopes, dreams, and fears, and hear about yours.

Only Eyes For Them

Love only has eyes for you. If the eyes wander, then you are not in love. Love isn't blind to other's beauty, but love's eyes follow their heart.

Their Happiness Is Important

We are willing to sacrifice for those we love and put their wants and needs before our own. Love is willing to be inconvenienced, bored, and patient for the one who means the most.

Their Presence/Or Voice Brings You Comfort

Seeing their face, or hearing their voice can turn your whole day around, and instantly improve your mood. That’s a true telltale of being in love.

The initial feelings of crush and falling in love are very similar. The rush of euphoria happens in both cases. The butterflies, and the feelings of pure joy at the sight of them happens in both cases. But with love, there are thoughts of a future together, and realistic expectations of each other.

What are your thoughts on crushes and infatuation? Do you believe that infatuation can turn to love? Have you ever thought it was love only to realize it was just a crush? Please share!

"I got that feeling, that bad feeling that you don't know, I don't even know her but I hope that she comforts you tonight." Lyrics from The Spoils by Massive Attack

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Unrequited Love...5 Things You Need To Do When You Have A Crush

Unrequited love is the feeling of being head over heels, hopelessly in love with someone who cannot or will not return the love. The object of love may be unaware, and completely oblivious to the love directed at them. Or they may be very aware of the feelings for them, and completely uninterested and rejecting the affection.

When I think of unrequited love, I often think in the terms of school girls crushes. School girl crushes are usually sweet, but can be obsessive.

At a young age it can hard to convey feelings, and read the object of your love to know where you stand. Surprisingly, or perhaps not so surprising, is the fact that unrequited love situations do not end with teenage angst.

5 Things To Do

Test The Waters

Love from afar is cute, but it doesn't get the guy. You have to get in there, do some flirting, and see what response you get. I am going to make the assumption that if you believe that you are in love with someone, then chances are you want to be with them.

Test the waters by making your feelings more obvious. You have been hiding your feelings, maybe too well, and they may be completely clueless about how you feel, and where they stand with you.

Confess Your Feelings

There are few things scarier than putting yourself out there and confessing how you feel to someone when you have no idea where you stand with them. Some people are terrible at picking up on clues. If you are not sure that they know how you feel, tell them.

What if they feel the same way? What if they have been in love with you from afar as well? Take a risk, be brave, and be honest. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Move On

After you have confessed your feelings, and the response was less than positive, you have to start to move on. It will be hard at first, maybe even feel impossible after all the time you have spent fantasizing about a future together, but letting go is a must.

It's not going to happen. Sounds harsh, right? Just remember there are plenty of men out there, and believe it or not, you will fall in love again, and be happy, but not if you continue to waste time on "not the one".

Give It Time

With unrequited love, we see all perfection and not the flaws. We are all flawed, but once we place someone on a pedestal, not only do we fail to see the real them, they also become out of reach.

Eventually, over time, as your feelings fade you will see the real them. Not that they should be viewed as a horrible person because they didn't return your feelings, but it is okay to recognize and acknowledge their imperfections.

Analyze

Unrequited love situations can happen, but they shouldn't happen to any one person all of the time. It is important to make sure that you don't have a pattern of falling for people who can't or won't return your love, or are somehow unavailable.

If this is the case, it is important to recognize the pattern, and break it. It's not healthy.

There is a sweetness to unrequited love, but there is also a lot of sadness. It can be hard to see the reality, when your love existed in a perfect vacuum of hopes, dreams, and fantasies. 

I look back on the two times I had huge crushes on guys in high school. It was unrequited, they were older, and unavailable. I later had an opportunity with both guys. The first guy turned out to make a better friend than anything else.

The second guy revealed himself to be a no good guy while trying to hit on me years after my crush, but that's a story for another blog.

My experience has been that the guys later regretted missing out on the girl with the crush, but too little too late as I had moved on, and my feelings were gone. I suppose if it was real love it would have stayed. 

What is your experience with unrequited love? Did you confess your feelings? Did you get the guy? Did you ever get over it? Please share!

To want and not to have, sent all of her body a hardness, a hollowness, a strain. And then to want and not to have - to want and want - how that wrung her heart, and wrung it again and again. - Virginia Woolf

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5 Ways To Show Your Loved Ones How You Feel

It never fails that something will happen and remind me how short and fragile this life can be. Sometimes it is the death of a loved one, or even a casual acquaintance. Other times it is a horrible dream, that reveals the fears I have lying right beneath the surface.

Lately it seems to be a matter of turning on the news, and seeing the horrible things happening in the world.

I am sure you tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, or perhaps just think about telling them, but may never actually get around to uttering the words. Action is more valuable, meaningful, and telling than any words could ever be.

Ways To Show Your Loved Ones How You Feel

Physical Affection

No I am talking about sex. Sex is physical, but does not require feelings of love to do it. On the other hand, hugs, hand holding, a rub on the back , and even a gentle squeeze of the hand can show love.

Hugs are comforting when given by someone we care about. Hugs are even known to lower blood pressure, and help reduce stress.

Listening

Sometimes the best way to show our love for a loved one is to just listen to them. Some people are always open and have no issues verbalizing their feelings and struggles. For others, it is not easy for them to admit sadness, feelings of helplessness, and sometimes feelings of hopelessness.

Whatever the circumstance, be there for them when the time comes, and they are ready to talk. It will be your job to listen. Try to listen without judgement.

Kind and Thoughtful Gestures

Pure love is truly expressed in the simplest ways. It is not about fancy this, or an expensive that, but about the little things that show you truly care about someone by making an effort.

A kind gesture can be as simple as picking them up their favorite cup of coffee, or taking a picture of something you know they would appreciate and sending it to them with a "wish you were here" caption.

Being Available

By just being present, and being available can be one of the most comforting and loving gesture one person to do for another. Everybody is always "busy", but making the time for someone, even when you have little to spare, is a loving gesture.

Being Vulnerable

It can be uncomfortable to be vulnerable at times, even with those closest to us. It is never easy to confess our fears and failures, but when we do, it is usually with those we care about most in order to offer a measure of comfort to them. We lay ourselves bare to show them they are not alone, and that we all struggle at times.

There is no one way to show love, there are many ways. For me, it's simple things, not the grand gestures that melt my heart. Don't get me wrong, grand gestures can be nice, but it's the little things that happen daily that show where your heart truly lies. Words of encouragement, a daily check in on someone's well being, or even just getting them a small gift because when you saw it you thought of them.

I realize that many of us want and need to hear the words "I love you", but like many other words spoken, they can be meaningless without action. My mantra is show me, don't just tell me.

How do you show your loved ones how you feel? Do you do small acts, or big gestures. Please share!

“Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. “ - Lao Tzu

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