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10 Signs Your Marriage Is Headed For Divorce
Marriages go through ups and downs and good times and bad times. The trouble starts when your marriage seems to be full of never-ending downs and bad times.
The reality is that not all marriages work out, and in fact nearly fifty percent of marriages end in divorce or separation. Although divorce talk is no one’s favorite topic, if your marriage is heading in that direction it is important to recognize the signs to try to address them, or know the signs in order to prepare yourself.
10 Signs Your Marriage Is Headed For Divorce
You’ve Become Secretive About Your Marriage
You used to be relatively open about everything in your life with your family and good friends, including discussing your relationships and your marriage.
But now you avoid discussing your partner and your marriage because you are afraid they will pick up on your problems and you don’t want anyone to know that your marriage is falling apart.
You’re Self-Conscience About How Your Marriage Looks To Others
You used to never think anything of it if your spouse opted out of going to an event with you or if they worked late or hung out with their friends. Now you get clingy and try to tag along or make-up lies as to why they are unavailable to attend an event with you.
You feel less secure in your relationship and worry that everyone can tell that things are not good.
You Can’t Agree On Anything
You fight about money, you fight about chores, you fight about the kids, and sometimes you even fight about what to have for dinner. Everything is a battle because an unhappy person is hard to please.
Chances are if one of you is unhappy in the relationship, then you both are unhappy.
Poor Communication/Stonewalling
Talking out your issues seems to be an impossible task because one or both of your are not one hundred percent committed to fixing the relationship. You don’t want to talk to one another or one of you completely shuts down all forms of communication, basically ignoring your partner.
You’re Not Physically Attracted To Them
I think most of us want to feel physically attracted to our partners. If one partner stops taking pride in self-care and their appearance, their partner will likely be turned off and less attracted to them, and the physical relationship will suffer.
Men are more visual creatures, so the man will want to feel sexually attracted to his wife, and women also want to be attracted to their husbands as well.
You Avoid Spending Time Together
Suddenly the gym or your laptop is yours or your partner’s new best friend. Anything to avoid engaging with each other. Spending extra hours at the gym can be avoiding home life, relieving stress, and getting that new body as you prepare to become single again.
Working long hours at the office or home is to avoid having to interact with your partner, and to avoid dealing with your issues.
You Don’t Like Your Partner
It may happen slowly over time, but sometimes love can turn to intense dislike. They say familiarity breeds contempt, which may be true to some degree, but with time, you either grow to love your partner more, or you realize you are not a good fit and do not want to be with them anymore.
Sometimes you just don’t like them as a person anymore and may resent them because you feel trapped in the relationship.
You Don’t Love Your Partner
As you realize you don’t like your partner, you may also realize you don’t love them anymore, at least not in a romantic way. You look at them sometimes and feel nothing. Your marriage can survive a lack of love, but it will not be a very happy union.
There’s Someone Else
I think it goes without saying that if you or your partner are in love with someone else your marriage is in trouble. Whether the extra-marital relationship is physical, or emotional, one of you is the third wheel in your relationship and the marriage is headed for a divorce.
You Want Out
If one of you longer wants to be in the relationship you are definitely headed for a divorce. You or your partner are mentally and emotionally done with the relationship. One or both of you wants out of the relationship but feels trapped or is plotting an escape.
I think anyone in a marriage owes it to themself and their partner to try to make it work, but I also think you owe it to yourself to recognize and accept when it can’t work. There’s not a lot of options with a marriage in trouble. You either get counseling to try to work out your issues or you start preparing yourself to move on.
What are your thoughts on the signs of heading for a divorce? Do you agree with my signs? If you are divorced or heading that direction, what signs did you see? Please share!
"I do not believe that there were more happy marriages before divorce became socially acceptable, that people tried harder, got through their rough times, and were better off. I believe that more people suffered.” -Ann Patchett
The Dangers of Ultimatums In Relationships
Ultimatums can mean the death of a relationship. An ultimatum is a final demand that if not met you will be faced with a retaliation or a break in relations. It is basically a do this or else statement.
By definition an ultimatum sounds harsh, but they are sometimes necessary to get results or force a decision. While being the recipient of an ultimatum you are given the “or else” up front, but the giver of the ultimatum will likely face consequences as well, especially in a romantic relationship.
An ultimatum should never be given lightly or frequently in a relationship because it can backfire and appear manipulative.
5 Dangers of Giving An Ultimatum In Your Relationship
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They Give In But Resent You
You may give an ultimatum to your partner and get your way, but it may not be a win in the end. You need to keep in mind that you basically pressured and threatened your partner in order to get them to do something you wanted them to do, and something they clearly did not want to do.
While they may give in, the ultimatum will not be forgotten, and resentment may fester, wreaking havoc on your relationship in the long run.
They May Become Unhappy
An ultimatum is one sided, no matter how you look at it. It is not a win win. There is a winner and a loser so to speak. You give an ultimatum to get your way, whether it is deserved or not is irrelevant to your partner’s feelings.
If you are strong arming, or guilting them into doing something they do not want to do they are not likely to be happy about it. Do not fool yourself into thinking you know what’s best for them because they know their heart and mind better than you do.
They Give Ultimatums Too
Once you start giving ultimatums in your relationship, you set a standard of behavior. You should expect that at some point in your relationship your partner will give you an ultimatum too. And the fact that you have used this card in the past will make it hard for you disagree with this tactic when you partner uses it on you.
They Call Your Bluff
When issuing an ultimatum in your relationship be prepared for your bluff to be called. I have known people who have told their partners that if they didn’t marry them the relationship was over. Or if we don’t have kids the marriage is over.
What if they say no? Be prepared to walk away from the relationship before letting that ultimatum come out of your mouth, or don’t say it at all. You will only look foolish and manipulative otherwise.
They Lose Trust In You
An ultimatum is a power play. Giving an ultimatum is also a form of manipulation. Once your partner starts to feel like they are being manipulated, they will start to question your trustworthiness.
Although I am not a fan of ultimatums in general, some ultimatums are necessary. Sometimes it has to come down to either stop drinking so much or I am out of here. Or if this relationship is not heading towards marriage then I am done.
It’s your life too so you get verbalize your wants and desires. But you also need to be prepared for the blow back you are sure to receive when you force someone’s hand.
When times get tough, and they will because that is life, your partner will remember that you twisted their arm into marrying you or having kids, or moving somewhere, and they will resent you or even hate you.
What are your thoughts on ultimatums? Have you ever given one in a relationship? How did things work out? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“When my husband gives me this ultimatum, "You either stop singing, or you move out," then it became very clear that what I needed to do - not just because I wanted to sing, but because I didn't want to live with anybody who issued ultimatums to me like that - would be to move out.” - Rene Marie
Rejection Lessons...Here's Why Being Rejected Is A Good Thing
Rejection hurts. It hurts to be rejected from something you wanted, or thought you wanted. I am a believer in “meant to be”. If you didn’t get the job you wanted or the guy you wanted then it was not meant to be.
Rejection, especially when it comes to love, can make you feel horrible. Rejection can come in the form of not returning feelings and requited love, to a refusal to commit to you, to even cheating or leaving you for another. It may be painful at the time, or for a while, but there are lessons to be learned from the rejection.
5 Takeaways From Rejection
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Maybe It Is You
I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but are you always finding yourself on the receiving end of rejection? You may be asking yourself if there is something wrong with you. Well it is not so much about there being something wrong with you, but the things you do and say.
You may be unintentionally pushing people away or scaring them off by your behavior.
Lowering Your Standards
When we lower our standards we resent it to a large degree. You choose to be in a relationship with some guy or a booty call to a guy who is not really into you or is no good. You know it deep down that you are being used or that he is no good, and push and sabotage subconsciously, hoping he will prove you wrong.
Blindspots
We all have blindspots, especially in relationships that we are determined to make work. Red flags will pop up all over the place but you may choose to ignore them, but eventually you will learn. Things will not work out with a guy full of red flags, but that take away will be to listen to your inner voice and your gut instincts.
With the next guy you will be more cautious, and will not be misled or fooled as easily.
You Are Strong
Rejection doesn’t feel good, but you get through it and live to fight another day. The first heartbreak is the worst. We think this guy is the “one” and if I am not with him I will never be happy. Of course this isn’t true because you will be happy again whether you are single or in another relationship. Rejection teaches us to be self reliant and to create our own happiness.
Leaves The Door Open
A rejection just means another chance at an opportunity. The best thing that can happen to your heart and your love life will be to get rejected from the wrong guy. Wasting time with the wrong man makes you unavailable for the right one.
Although you may feel like it at the time, rejection is not the end of the world. Learn from it, grow, and move the hell on.
How do you handle rejection? Yes it hurts, but do you take it as a lesson learned? If so, what lessons have you learned from being romantically rejected? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. Who doesn't feel a part of their heart break at rejection. You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That's my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story.”
― Jennifer Salaiz
Betrayal By Your Partner...5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Giving Them A Second Chance
Not everyone deserves a second chance. Some deeds are just unforgivable, and no one should feel obligated to forgive people who do them wrong. This is especially the case in romantic, intimate relationships.
Does choosing not to forgive someone who has hurt or betrayed make you a bad person? I say who cares. Will forgiving the betrayal give you closure or make the betrayal hurt less deep inside? Depends on you.
Whether or not you choose to forgive your mate or cut them from life, it is a completely different decision from giving them a second chance. If you are trying to decide whether or not to give someone a second chance ask yourself these questions.
5 Questions To Ask Before Giving Them A Second Chance
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Are They Owning Their Mistake?
In order to move forward and past a betrayal in a relationship, it is important for the partner at fault to own their actions and take responsibility. If your partner cannot or will not admit to their mistake, they are likely to repeat it.
Failure of a mate to take responsibility for their hurtful behaviors may be indicative of a lack of remorse for their actions, and lack of respect for their partner.
Are They Willing To Change?
If your partner has behaviors that contributed to their betrayal, whether it’s drinking or hanging out with bad influences, they need to be willing to change for second chances to be offered.
If your partner is unwilling to change they will repeat the same behaviors, or similar behaviors, and hurt you again.
Have They Made Promises Before?
Is this most recent betrayal a first? Or have they promised in the past to do better and be better? If your partner has repeatedly hurt and betrayed you in the past, only to say sorry, cry, beg forgiveness, and then do it all over again, they are not deserving of a second, third, and definitely not a fourth chance.
They have shown you they are not trustworthy or deserving of your love and commitment.
Do You Still Trust Them?
Trust is earned over time, but can be lost in a moments bad decision. In your heart of hearts, do you still trust your mate? If your partner has betrayed you, and you want to be able to forgive them and move on, but you no longer trust them, a second chance may not be in order.
A relationship without trust isn’t much of a relationship.
Do You Still Love Them?
Once a love betrays you, you will never see them the same again. After the betrayal, can you say that you still love them or would you be staying be out of obligation, fear of the unknown, or feeling you have already invested too much time to move on.
If you don’t feel love for them anymore, or even worse you resent or hate them, maybe it is time to move on.
Once a betrayal has been committed in your relationship, it is impossible not to see your partner differently. No one is entitled to be in your life, and you are not required to forgive them, although for your own emotional well being you will need to be able let go and move on.
Some couples are able to forgive and move on. Some will even say they are stronger after the betrayal, to which I say “if you say so”. Giving a betrayer a second chance is a very personal decision. It’s a decision that maybe others may not understand, but it’s your relationship so they don’t need to.
What are you thoughts on second chances and forgiving a betrayal? Please share your story and experience!
“For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first.” - Suzanne Collins
Why Do They Stay? The Reasons People Say They Stay In Unhappy Relationships
When two people are in love and happy, staying in a marriage or relationship for eternity may not seem long enough. But what about when they are unhappy and no longer in love? Many people stay in unhappy, and unhealthy relationships, but why?
It is no secret that people stay in unhappy relationships for many different reasons. Some people feel trapped and try to plot their escape, while others seek counseling or spiritual guidance to make the relationship bearable.
Many children grow up in homes with parents who do not love each, and because of this they vow that they will never settle for such a relationship, and then life happens and cycles get repeated.
The older we get, the more people we know who are divorced, planning to leave their relationship, or are miserable but have their reasons for staying. After discussions with people in my life, and research on this topic, I found some answers as to why people stay in unhappy relationships.
Why She Stays In An Unhappy Relationship
For The Children
Ideally, children are raised in a healthy, two parent home, but for many reasons the two parent home is becoming less and less of the norm.
Being a single parent, and raising children on your own is hard. The thought of it is scary, so some women stay in a relationship with someone they are unhappy with because they believe it is ultimately what is best for the children and themselves.
Financial Reasons
Depending on where you live, everything is expensive. A woman may be miserable in a relationship, but if she is a stay at home mom, or a full time student who relies on her partner for financial support, she may stay. She may have no income of her own, little job experience, or large gaps in her employment history.
Personal Beliefs
There are still many people who believe marriage is forever, regardless of how unhappy they are, and do not consider divorce an option. A woman may also feel like a failure if her marriage doesn’t work, and possibly face negative consequences from her religious community if she divorces.
Fear Of Going It Alone
Some women are not independent and believe they need a man to be with them and take care of them. Their fear of being alone, or the thought of not being able to find someone else makes them feel extremely vulnerable.
Being on your own, especially after having a partner to rely on for years, can be frightening for some.
““There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” — C. Joybell C.”
Why He Stays
For The Children
Men will stay in an unhappy relationship for the children out of fear that if they break up or divorce they will lose access to their children. Times are changing , but historically when a couple divorced, the woman gained full physical custody of the children.
There is also the cost of child support that plays a role in him staying.
Cheaper To Keep Her
I honestly hate this saying, but I do get the real financial meaning behind it. Many of us know men who have had a seemingly good life, and a nice home, but then got a divorce. The wife had custody of the children and stayed in the family home, while he moved into a small apartment since that was all he could afford after paying spousal and child support.
Doesn’t Want To Start Over
Some men will stay in an unhappy relationship out of sheer laziness. I have heard men say they didn’t like their spouse and didn’t want to be married to them anymore, but they also didn’t want to have to do the dating thing, or get back out there on the single scene.
Men also have said they didn’t want the hassle of getting a divorce and splitting everything up.
There is no one way to find happiness again or turn around a bad relationship. Everyone in an unhappy relationship has their own reasons for staying, and for leaving. When children are involved, a lot extra care is needed. The reality is that your children will recognize your unhappiness, and they will be affected whether you choose to stay or leave.
What are your thoughts on staying in an unhappy relationship? Would you stay? Have you stayed? What would make you stay in an unhappy relationship? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” ― Jennifer Weiner
6 Signs He's A Player
Players…no matter your age group there are players out there on the hunt. Some men are not interested in having a committed relationship. It may be just who he is or he has been hurt or betrayed in the past and is in self preservation mode.
Regardless of his reasons for being a player, it is not okay for him to string a woman along and not be honest about his intentions.
A player likes to have women at his beck and call. He wants them when it’s convenient for him. No one wants to be led on or toyed with. If you do not want to get played, you need to know the signs of a player.
6 Signs He’s A player
Smooth Talker
Players are very charming when you first meet them. They always know just what to say to pull you in. Players are flirty wordsmiths, who know how to make you feel good about yourself in the beginning and crave their attention.
Very Confident
Confidence is sexy, but players are confident to the point of arrogance. Players are very sure of themselves, sure of their words, and sure that they can get can just about any girl they set their sights on.
He will brag and let you know how wonderful he is, and let you know how lucky you are to be with him.
No Meeting His Friends
A player will not introduce just any chick to his friends, or family, for that matter. Since a player is just using you for sex and something to do, he will not want you meeting important people in his life.
If you do meet his friends, they will often act strange around you. His friends will act as if there is a big secret or joke that you are not in on.
Non-Committal
You need a date to one of your friends from college wedding. He is the only guy you have been seeing but he tells you he probably won’t be able to make it. In fact, anytime you ask him to accompany you to something he is always busy or has some excuse.
He’s Secretive
A player likes to string multiple women along at any given time. When you are with him he may receive lots of text and do a lot of texting. He is very careful with his phone, ensuring you do not see who he is texting with.
He also has very strict rules about you going to his place. He will rarely have you over, but when he does you are on the clock and are not allowed to leave anything behind.
Prioritizes Sex
A player loves a booty call so watch out. He does not often, if ever, take you out for a meal or a date. He will go days or weeks without any contact, but then you will get an out of the blue text, usually late at night saying he wants to “meet” up.
There is nothing wrong with having a casual relationship with no commitment, as long as both parties are aware that the relationship is casual and is not going anywhere. That’s the problem with players. They want everything from you while giving you so little in return.
What is your experience with players? Do you think players ever change? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Dear Players: Go ahead and play your deceitful little games- lying and manipulating women to get laid-because that’s the only way you can get them interested. Maybe you will have a different perspective when you’re wiping the tears off your daughter’s face…because she dated a man like you. - Charles J. Orlando
6 Signs He's Not The One...So Stop Wasting Your Time
You really want this relationship to work. You don’t want to be single again because you think it is hard out there, and you are not going back to that. So you have laser focus on making things work out with the guy you are currently dating or in a relationship with. There is just one problem. He is not the one and you know it deep down.
I am a determined woman too, so I get believing in yourself. You should believe in yourself and that you can accomplish just about anything if you put your mind to it. But I think making a relationship work with the wrong person may be too much even for you.
At some point in a relationship you realize it’s not working, but are not quite sure why that is. The reasons are obvious, usually in hindsight. You will save yourself some time and a lot of heartache by recognizing early on that he is not the one.
6 Signs He’s Not The One
You Are Hoping He Will Change
He is immature, unfocused, or flat out kind of jerky but there is hope right? Well at least you are hopeful that with time and your influence he will get better. You should be looking for a partner, not a project.
He is who he is, and if you cannot accept him for who he is and want him to change, then he is not the one for you.
You Don’t Like A Lot Of Things About Him
You don’t like his friends, his family, his hobbies, his taste in music, and the list could serious go on and on. This is still about making him a project. Do not lower your standards or pretend to be someone you are not for the sake of not being alone.
Being with someone you do not love or even like, will make you feel lonelier than you have ever felt before.
You Don’t Have A Lot In Common
You do not like the same things, but hey who does right? He’s cute, all your friends are married, and you’re not getting any younger so let’s make this happen. Sound familiar?
You do not have to be mirror images of each or have the exact same tastes, but common interests and hobbies are very important to long term happiness.
You Cannot Be Yourself With Him
You have to pretend with him, and tolerate behavior you secretly disapprove of. You bite you tongue to avoid rocking the boat. He likes to see you all dolled up, but you prefer little to no make up and jeans and comfy clothes.
If you cannot truly be yourself with your partner then you are with the wrong person and will not be happy in the long run. By pretending, you are not being true to yourself or the relationship.
You Make Excuses For Him
Your friends and family recognize that he is not right you and they are not fans. You constantly find yourself justifying and defending his behavior and attitude.
The problem is that you feel the same way your family and friends do deep down. Otherwise you would tell them to respect your man and your relationship and to stay out of your relationship. But you don’t because you agree with them to some degree.
It Feels Hard
The early stages of a relationship should feel effortless, without the need for masks and pretenses. As the relationship progresses, more work and compromise will be needed to maintain but it shouldn’t feel hard. The relationship should not feel like a struggle to just maintain it.
The truth is that not every relationship is worth fighting for. If you are not feeling fulfilled and happy by your relationship it may be time to stop wasting your time. It may be time to move on no matter how much time you have invested in the relationship. Know when to cut your loses and get back in the market.
Do you agree with the signs that he’s not the one? What are your thoughts on when it’s time to let go? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before.” ― Elle Newmark, The Book of Unholy Mischief
6 Signs He's Not In Love With You Anymore
I know it sounds harsh to say that someone doesn’t love you. “He is not in love with you anymore” is definitely not the words anyone ever wants to hear, but it is sometimes the harsh reality.
Even though the words may not have been spoken, chances are the heart is more than aware that they are not loved by their partner.
You love your man, and may have had hopes that things would get better, or that his change in behavior towards you was just a phase. However, continued displays of unloving behavior is indicative that the love is gone. Denial ultimately does you no good, as it only offers a temporary state of make believe.
People fall out of love, it happens. If he doesn’t love you anymore, he may exhibit all or some of the signs below. The important thing for you to recognize is his overall change in attitude and behavior towards you.
6 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
You Annoy Him
One of the first signs that you will notice when your partner is falling out of love with you, is their tolerance level when it comes to you. You have always been indecisive about what movie to watch or where to eat, but unlike how they used to react your inability to make decisions, your partner now becomes clearly annoyed and angry with you.
Everything you do is annoying. You take too long to get ready, you breathe too loud, and even the way you dress or eat. They find fault with you because they are not in love, and they are emotionally done with the relationship.
He Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings
If your man has become insensitive or dismissive of your feelings, he is not in love with you anymore. You may find some inconsistencies in his behavior with this sign. He may reveal his true feelings by being cruel or insensitive, but then feel guilty about his behavior, and then will try to be nice or sweet again. His sweet behavior will not last because his feelings are gone.
His inconsistent behavior will give you emotional whiplash, but the hot and cold behavior is due to him feeling guilty about not loving you anymore.
FEATURED VIDEO - 6 Signs He’s Not In Love Anymore
He Is Disrespectful
You may notice that the way your man speaks to you has changed. His words and his tone are often rude and disrespectful. He doesn’t care about or respect your opinion, your time, or your feelings.
He Doesn’t Communicate
Your guy used to call or text to let you know he’s running late or working late. But now it’s radio silence. No more cute check ins throughout the day to see how you are doing, or how your day is going, because you are not on his mind anymore, and he doesn’t care.
You will also find that he takes forever to respond to your calls or texts, if he responds at all.
He Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate
Your man has gone from barely being able to keep his hands off you, to rarely touching you or initiating sex. When you do have sex, he seems to be going through the motions, or treating it like a chore, but he is not emotionally present.
This sign can be a little tricky because some men will still have sex with you even if they have a woman on the side, or are planning on leaving you.
He Doesn’t Tell You He Loves You
If your guy doesn’t say I love you anymore, or has to be prompted by you saying it first, he doesn’t feel it. Of course, love is not just about words, it is about actions as well, so if he doesn’t say it, and he doesn’t show it, he is not in love anymore.
If you are trying to determine whether or not he is no longer in love with you, it comes down to the changes in your relationship. How were things in the beginning, and how are they now? Your man’s love for you over time should have deepened and become stronger, but if he is displaying the above signs, then that is not the case.
What are your thoughts on the signs? Do you call it quits or stick it out hoping things will get better? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“How do you know when it's over?" "Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.” ― Gunnar Ardelius, I Need You More Than I Love and I Love You to Bits
5 Signs You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships, without even realizing it. Unlike physical abuse, the scars from emotional abuse are invisible, but just as damaging.
Emotional abuse can destroy the person that you once were, and leave behind an empty shell.
Sadly, many people stay in emotionally abusive relationships because they make excuses for the behavior of their partners, often blaming themselves. All signs of emotional abuse are not cut and dry. Relationships have ups and down, and people have fights and disagreements, but it is how you fight and disagree that can be abusive.
Signs Of Emotional Abuse
Talked To Disrespectfully
In an emotionally abusive relationship there is a lack of respect. You may be told to shut up, yelled at, or completely dismissed as you try to communicate your feelings or concerns. Sometimes the verbal abuse happens in front of others, but many times while you are alone. Emotional abusers are good at hiding their abusive side.
Blamed For Everything
Your partner is mean and disrespectful to you, but guess what, it’s your own fault. If you were not so overly sensitive, or whiny, or demanding, then they wouldn’t lose their temper and have to be mean to you.
They make you feel like everything is your fault, including their poor choices and mistakes. You often fear their anger here.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of abuse, as it diminishes your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your self-worth. The gaslighter convinces you that it's all in your head and you are just being paranoid or remembering incorrectly.
Your partner makes you feel completely faulty. As if you have the worst memory ever, and are going completely crazy. It’s not them, it’s you.
Made To Feel Stupid
An emotionally abusive partner loves to belittle and make you feel less than. Your partner will humiliate and embarrass you in front of others with blatant disrespect, or making you the butt of a joke. They are even worse in private.
If you dare to challenge or question their judgement, they are quick to remind you how mentally superior they are to you. They do not value you or your opinion.
Controlling
An emotionally abusive partner tends to also be controlling. They want to know where you are at, where you are going, and who are you with. They want to tell you how to dress, how to act, and what to do. You are punished with silence or withdrawals of affection if you do not do things their way.
An emotionally abusive relationship can leave you feeling depressed, alone, and questioning your self worth. It is important to remember that you are not worthless, you do not need to stay in an abusive situation, and that you will be loved again, the right way.
What are your thoughts on emotional abuse? There are many signs to look for, which would you add? Please share your experience!
“Sometimes we refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us.” - Unknown
Photo by Pixabay
7 Signs He Is Too Possessive In Your Relationship
In relationships there are many feelings felt besides love. Sometimes there is hurt, anger, jealousy, and possessiveness. When someone is jealous they are fiercely protective and watchful over something or someone they believe to be their possession.
Jealousy happens to the best of us occasionally.
I admit that I have felt the sting of jealousy a time or two in a relationship, but I do not consider myself to be a jealous person in general. When I reflect on the times in my past when I have felt jealous, it was due to feelings of insecurity in those relationships.
People tend feel jealous and insecure in relationships where there are issues of trust, and uncertainty of where you stand.
Possessiveness is not the same as jealousy. Possessiveness in a relationship consists of jealousy, but taken up a few notches. Someone who is possessive is demanding, controlling, and jealous to the extreme. They are also master manipulators, and great at making you feel like crap for questioning their methods and motives.
The Signs He Is Too Possessive
He's Controlling
He has to decide the when, where, and how for most of your activities. He wants to have a say so in your friends and who you hang out with. He tries to tell you how to dress, and even tells you how to act.
He Asks For Passwords
He wants the passwords for your email and social media accounts for your safety and well being of course, or so he says. Whether or not he is willing to share his passwords, the answer to this request should be no. This request is about trust and control.
He Smothers
He gives you no space or personal time. He acts like you are joined at the hip and wants to go everywhere with you. It is never healthy for couples to do everything together, and have no life outside of the relationship. But in the case of the possessive guy, he wants to be with you all of the time so he can keep an eye on you.
You're On Call
He has to know where you are at at all times, and if he calls or texts you and you do not immediately answer or respond he freaks out, and the accusations start. He is quick to accuse you of not loving him, not appreciating him, and cheating too. Remember, he is the master manipulator.
He Stalks
He checks your social media and shows up where you are at just to make sure you are where you said you would be. The possessive man obsesses about who you are talking to and what you are doing behind his back. He will watch and stalk you both physically and electronically.
He Doesn't Respect Boundaries
He goes through your personal things, including your purse, your phone, and your drawers. He goes through anything that he thinks you might be able hide something from him. If you are hiding something, you better hide it well.
He Just Loves You So Much
He justifies his controlling, possessive behavior by constantly telling you he is doing it because just loves you "so much". He makes a habit of making you feel guilty for wanting your privacy, your own space, and wanting to make your own decisions.
Jealousy and possessiveness are not the same things. Jealousy is a natural feeling that we all have at some point in time, and can be take too far if we let it. But possessiveness on the other hand is unhealthy, damaging, and dangerous to relationships.
What are your thoughts on jealousy and possessiveness in relationships? Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt extreme jealousy or possessiveness? What was the outcome? Please share your experience!
"Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening." - Maya Angelou