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Relationship Communication 101
Do you know what the root cause of most relationship problems stem from? For many, the first thoughts that come to mind are finances or infidelity, which do cause relationships issues. But are cheating and financial disagreements the cause or the symptom of a bigger issue?
Good communication is key to maintaining a healthy relationship, but being able to communicate effectively with your partner is easier said than done. You can have disagreements and heated debates and still be communicating effectively.
In fact disagreements are healthy because it forces us to discuss our feelings and get everything out in the open.
Do not fool yourself into thinking that because you never disagree or argue with your partner that you have a healthy relationship because in fact, the experts would say that this is a not a sign of a thriving relationship, but of one lacking in trust, mutual respect, and authenticity.
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Poor or no communication in a relationship can cause a lot of stress, anxiety, resentment, and bad decisions to be made.
Do’s For Communicating With Your Partner
Do Be Honest
Do Listen Without Interrupting
Do Be Receptive
Do Be Kind
Do Control Yourself
Don’ts For Communicating With Your Partner
Don’t Yell
Don’t Speak Disrespectfully
Don’t Belittle
Don’t Use Sarcasm
Don’t Try To Control Their Response
When communicating with your partner you should always try to see their point of view, and focus less on proving your point. At the end of the day, no one wins if one of you is unhappy and feels unheard.
How you communicate with your partner can make or break your relationship. And break doesn’t necessarily mean breaking up. It just mean having a miserable partner who withdraws from you. Just remember that it’s okay to fight, but you need to fight fair.
What are your thoughts on communicating in a relationship? Do you agree with my do’s and don’ts? What would you add or remove from the list? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” - Tony Robbins
Here's Why You Should Never Outgrow Crushes and Falling In Love...10 Health Benefits Of Being In Love
Aging doesn’t have to mean the end of passion, love, and romance. Flirting, crushes, and new love isn’t just for teens. You really can find new love at any age. Aging gives you life experience, and hopefully wisdom, but you are never too old to be crazy in love.
If a death, a divorce, or the end to a long term relationship occurs, you may find yourself single again at just about any age or stage in life. For some, the thought of being single again seems scary and like the end of romantic companionship.
For others, they recognize the opportunity for new relationships and new beginnings.
While the thought of you, your parents or grandparents dating later in life sounds unfathomable, research shows that regardless of age, as human we often want love and companionship.
There are a few differences in what younger adults look for in a relationship, versus what older adults want in a relationship, according this Psychology Today article.
Younger adults want love, communication, trust, attraction, and compatibility. Older adults wants are slightly different with honesty, communication, companionship, respect, and positive attitude being their top five relationship priorities.
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Whether you are single and in your 30’s, or divorced or windowed in your 60’s, the desire for love, sex, romance, and companionship do not go away. Falling in love and being in love makes you happy, and happy people tend have healthier, better qualities of life.
10 Heath Benefits Of Falling In Love and Being In Love
Less Likely To Suffer From Depression
Lower Blood Pressure
Better Stress Management/Less Stress
Less Substance Abuse
Sick Less Often
Faster Recovery From Illness
Less Pain
Better Self Care
Less Anxiety
Longer Life Span
Who knew that romantic emotions had so many health benefits. The feeling of crushing on someone or falling in love makes you feel like you are floating. It is one of the best feelings, a feeling worth experiencing many times throughout our lives. So I guess when you think about how you feel when in love, you can see why it is hard to feel depressed, stressed, or unrelaxed.
What are your thoughts on love at any age? Do you have a story of unexpected love coming into your life? Do you find that as you age you become more open or more closed off to new relationships and love? Please share your story and experience!
“Love is ageless and colorless. It is a spiritual force that binds two hearts and two souls together as one.” - Ellen J. Barrier, The Price Wr Must Pay Our Father’s Sin
Why Do They Stay? The Reasons People Say They Stay In Unhappy Relationships
When two people are in love and happy, staying in a marriage or relationship for eternity may not seem long enough. But what about when they are unhappy and no longer in love? Many people stay in unhappy, and unhealthy relationships, but why?
It is no secret that people stay in unhappy relationships for many different reasons. Some people feel trapped and try to plot their escape, while others seek counseling or spiritual guidance to make the relationship bearable.
Many children grow up in homes with parents who do not love each, and because of this they vow that they will never settle for such a relationship, and then life happens and cycles get repeated.
The older we get, the more people we know who are divorced, planning to leave their relationship, or are miserable but have their reasons for staying. After discussions with people in my life, and research on this topic, I found some answers as to why people stay in unhappy relationships.
Why She Stays In An Unhappy Relationship
For The Children
Ideally, children are raised in a healthy, two parent home, but for many reasons the two parent home is becoming less and less of the norm.
Being a single parent, and raising children on your own is hard. The thought of it is scary, so some women stay in a relationship with someone they are unhappy with because they believe it is ultimately what is best for the children and themselves.
Financial Reasons
Depending on where you live, everything is expensive. A woman may be miserable in a relationship, but if she is a stay at home mom, or a full time student who relies on her partner for financial support, she may stay. She may have no income of her own, little job experience, or large gaps in her employment history.
Personal Beliefs
There are still many people who believe marriage is forever, regardless of how unhappy they are, and do not consider divorce an option. A woman may also feel like a failure if her marriage doesn’t work, and possibly face negative consequences from her religious community if she divorces.
Fear Of Going It Alone
Some women are not independent and believe they need a man to be with them and take care of them. Their fear of being alone, or the thought of not being able to find someone else makes them feel extremely vulnerable.
Being on your own, especially after having a partner to rely on for years, can be frightening for some.
““There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” — C. Joybell C.”
Why He Stays
For The Children
Men will stay in an unhappy relationship for the children out of fear that if they break up or divorce they will lose access to their children. Times are changing , but historically when a couple divorced, the woman gained full physical custody of the children.
There is also the cost of child support that plays a role in him staying.
Cheaper To Keep Her
I honestly hate this saying, but I do get the real financial meaning behind it. Many of us know men who have had a seemingly good life, and a nice home, but then got a divorce. The wife had custody of the children and stayed in the family home, while he moved into a small apartment since that was all he could afford after paying spousal and child support.
Doesn’t Want To Start Over
Some men will stay in an unhappy relationship out of sheer laziness. I have heard men say they didn’t like their spouse and didn’t want to be married to them anymore, but they also didn’t want to have to do the dating thing, or get back out there on the single scene.
Men also have said they didn’t want the hassle of getting a divorce and splitting everything up.
There is no one way to find happiness again or turn around a bad relationship. Everyone in an unhappy relationship has their own reasons for staying, and for leaving. When children are involved, a lot extra care is needed. The reality is that your children will recognize your unhappiness, and they will be affected whether you choose to stay or leave.
What are your thoughts on staying in an unhappy relationship? Would you stay? Have you stayed? What would make you stay in an unhappy relationship? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” ― Jennifer Weiner
6 Signs He's Hitting On You
Ok, so maybe you think that this topic is a no brainer. Maybe you are always certain when a guy is hitting on you, or when he is just being polite. In my experience, different men use different tactics to show their interest in a woman. For some men, they are not even aware of how their actions and behaviors change when they are flirting with a woman.
The dating game and the process of meeting someone and starting something new can feel like a game of cat and mouse. Everyone tries to read the other and plot their next move. This process can also be filled with uncertainty. Is he really interested in me? Is he hitting on me?
When a man is interested and hitting on you there are some sure signs of his intentions. You just need to know what to look for.
Signs He’s Hitting On You
He Gets Close
When a guy is hitting on you he will try to get as physically close to you as possible. I don’t mean in a gross, creepy kind of way. I mean he will want to be standing or sitting in close proximity to you. He wants you to be aware of presence.
He wants to be close enough to you to smell your perfume, stare into your eyes, and create some contact.
He Stares Into Your Eyes
Eye contact is a good way to establish a connection. Plus, when he is interested and flirting with you, he will want to stare into your eyes. The eyes send a strong message of interest or a lack of it. The amount of eye contact will depend on the personality of your guy.
A man who is more bold and aggressive may hold eye contact with you for a long time. While a guy is who is shy or unsure of your interest is more likely to make eye contact, look away, and then make eye contact again.
He Makes Lame Jokes
A man who is hitting on you will make attempts at being charming. One of the ways he will do this is by trying to be the funny man. When a guy is hitting on you he will try to show his cutesy, laid back side, which will include some jokes.
He knows that if he can get you to laugh, or at least smile, and he will have a shot.
He Lightly Touches You
He is hitting on you because he is attracted to you. And because he is attracted to you, he will want to touch you. He may lightly touch your arm, your hands, or even your lower back. He will use any excuse to try to make physical contact with you.
He is also looking for your reaction to his touch. If you retract from his touch he will know, or should know, that you are not interested. Whereas if he is close enough to you that your arms or legs brush one another, and you do not create space between you two, that you might be interested as well.
Offers To Help You
When a man is hitting on you he will try to be your knight in shining armor. He will offer to buy your drinks, carry things for you, help you move, and even do your work or homework. He wants to be there for you, and show you that he is a reliable, dependable gentleman.
If he is a co-worker he may bring you a coffee in the morning, offer to buy you lunch, and they will always want to help you with a work project.
Tries To Entice You
A man hitting on you will want you to feel just as attracted to him as he is to you. He wants to look hot for you. He will take extra care with his appearance. He may wear cologne, flex his muscles, and flash his pearly whites.
When you think about it, when a man is hitting on you he is usually pretty obvious. When in doubt, listen to gut, trust your instincts, and if all else fails refer to this blog for the signs a man is hitting on you.
What are your thoughts on the signs of a man hitting on you? Do you agree with my signs? What signs do you look for? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“The law of attraction says that like attracts like, and when you think and feel what you want to attract on the inside, the law will use people, circumstances and events to magnetize what you want.” - Rhonda Byrne
6 Signs He’s In Love With Someone Else
Whether you are in a new relationship or have been in a long term relationship, feelings for one another may change. Perhaps you started dating and he wasn’t quite over his ex, or you have been together for a while and suspect that he is in love with someone else.
It can suck to even think about the possibility that your man is in love with another, especially if you have been together for some time and saw a future together.
Here’s the thing, his feelings for this other woman will not miraculously go away so you need to address it with him. If you have that feeling that his heart belongs to someone else, here are the signs to look for.
Signs He’s In Love With Someone Else
He Can’t Stop Talking About Her
When we are in love with someone that person is never far from our mind. When someone is on your mind their name tends to come out of your mouth a lot.
Whether she is the neighbor, a co-worker, or a friend of a friend, if your man is always talking about a particular woman he likely has feelings for her.
Has A Look In His Eyes When He Mentions Her
When the other woman's name comes up, do you see your man’s eyes change? The mere thought of her will make him giddy and happy, and the feelings will show in his eyes.
You will likely recognize this look as to how he used to look at you when you were first falling in love.
Suddenly Stops Talking About Her
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If your man was mentioning a certain woman all of the time and then suddenly stops saying her name it may be indicative of him having feelings for her. He has just wised up and realized that he was bringing her up too much, and him talking about her all the time was making you suspicious.
So now he never says her name anymore, but she is still there, often in his thoughts.
His Moods Depends On Her
On days when he has interacted with her he is happy, excited, and oddly more loving with you. But when he doesn’t see or interact with her he is grouchy, moody, and easily annoyed by you.
When he is missing her or feeling resentful that he cannot be with her, his mood and behavior will reflect his thoughts and heart.
He Wants You To Be More Like Her
Suddenly everything you do, say, eat, or wear is up for scrutiny and comparison. You may start to notice him suggesting different clothes, perfume, hair styles, and even new bedroom tricks for you.
If he is in love with another woman, but in a relationship with you, he may try to turn you into a version of her.
Your Gut Is Telling You
Deep inside we know when a guy is crazy in love with us, and we also know when he is falling out of love with us. If your man is in love with someone else, you will feel it. Horrible, I know.
The thought that your man or the guy you are in love with is in love with someone else is painful. But isn’t it better to know and be able to deal with it or move on? Or would you rather not know, and hope that his feelings the for the other woman is just a faze?
Either way, I think your man loving another woman is a hard reality that will eventually need to be faced. You deserve better than playing second fiddle to anyone else.
What are your thoughts on the signs that a man is in love with someone else? Have you eve been in this situation? Please share your thoughts and experience.
“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
6 Behaviors That Push People Away
No one is perfect. I think most of us do not expect perfection from the people in our lives, however there are just behaviors that can make people intolerable. There are some behaviors that are toxic and makes us cut people of our lives.
As we grow and change, we can become better versions of ourselves. Recognizing bad traits in ourselves is one way to achieve self-improvement and not push the people we care about way.
6 Behaviors That Push People Away
Lying
Many of us have had friends or family members who we wouldn’t exactly call truth tellers. But no one really wants to deal with a liar. Trust is very important to relationships, and no one wants people in their lives who they cannot trust.
If you lie a lot then you are not trustworthy, and will find you struggle with keeping friends and loves in your life.
One-Upmanship
There is nothing wrong with healthy competition, with the purpose of fun and good intentions. One-upmanship is not healthy or with good intentions. If you have to always outdo your friends, family, and even your mate, it shows you are insecure, selfish, and kind of a jerk.
Always having to be the center of attention and steal the limelight will push people away. Who wants a person on their life who can never root for them or just be happy for them? No one, that’s who.
Being Flaky
The classic, flaky unreliable friend is someone we are all too familiar with. The flaky friend loves to make promises and commitments that they seem to never have any intentions of keeping. This is the friend that always gets you excited about plans of a outing or trip and then changes their mind in the blink of an eye.
Being Moody
So I am not saying you’re crazy, but your friends and family never know what version of you they are going to get, or when you mood will dramatically change. This unpredictability is very off putting to people. You’re cool and fun one minute and then something sets you off and you become a raging butthead, or a hysterical puddle of tears.
Being Untrustworthy
Betrayal is a feeling that many people cannot get past, and honestly why should they. You keep secrets from them, talk bad about them behind their back, or worse you even plot against. Whether it’s jealously, a hidden resentment, or a frenemy situation, you betray them by not being truthful about your feelings to their face.
Being Selfish
If you only care about yourself it will be really evident to those in your life. When the relationships in your life have to be on your terms, it will eventually push people away.
If you find that you have a revolving door of friends and boyfriends or girlfriends, then you are probably doing some of the behaviors I address in this blog. Once you become aware, you can change, if you want to.
What are your thoughts on behaviors that push people away? Do you agree with my list? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Practice self-awareness, self-evaluation, and self-improvement. If we are aware that our manners - language, behavior, and actions - are measured against our values and principles, we are able to more easily embody the philosophy, leadership is a matter of how to be, not how to do. “ - Frances Hesselbein
5 Reasons To Take It Slow With A New Relationship
New romance and love feels incredible. There is no denying that we can feel an indescribable happiness and joy when when we are starting a new relationship and falling in love. Love makes us feel like we are floating on air.
With so much incredible happiness and joy, can come feelings of wanting it to never end, and thoughts of speeding things along to solidify your relationship. You may see this man or woman as your forever person, even though you have only been dating for a few month.
Despite the urges you may have to move in together, put a ring on it, or start having babies, here are a few reasons to take it slow.
Reasons To Take It Slow
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Enjoy The Newness
There is no feeling like new love. The giddiness and excitement of seeing each other and being together is a feeling that cannot be replicated. You will find that if you start rushing things, the feelings of new love and excitement will quickly leave, and be replaced with your typical relationship issues all too soon.
Feel Comfortable
While the early stages of a relationship are filled with butterflies and new feelings, you may also find that you are filled with some anxiety and self consciousness.
If you allow your relationship to slowly grow and unfold over time, you will find that you start to feel more comfortable around your love, and more comfortable being your true self.
No Pressure
When relationships are new and growing, there is a certain amount of pressure we put on ourselves to be interesting and fun, and everything we think they want us to be. But if you allow your relationship the time it needs to flourish, you will not feel pressured to make sure they stick around because you will know where you stand with them.
Learn About Each Other
There is no doubt that many people wear masks when first meeting people. We put our best “face” forward when starting a new relationship. Not to say that people are necessarily fake, but no one is perfect, and we do not want to show what might be considered as our bad side.
More Likely To Last
Studies show that relationships that take it slow in the beginning and allow things to develop organically over time are likely to last longer. I think the reasons above are why slow growing relationships tend to last.
You cannot have a truly loving and committed relationship if you do not know them and they do not know who you really are.
Some will argue that when you know you know, and there is no reason to wait to start your life together. But I say if they are the one, waiting a little longer to move in together, get pregnant, or getting married will not change what is meant to be.
What are your thoughts on taking things slow with a new relationship?
“But new love only lasts so long, and then you crash back into the real people you are, and from as high as we were, it's a very long fall, and we hit the ground with a thud.” ― Marya Hornbacher, Madness: A Bipolar Life
In-Law Issues...6 Signs It's Time To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
When we get married, we are not just marrying the person, we are actually marrying their whole family. With family comes a lot of love, but also family drama. You may get lucky and marry into a wonderful family who are loving and supportive of your union.
Or you may end up with in-laws who butt in, undermine, and sabotage your relationship.
I would like to hope that the in-laws who butt in are well meaning, but regardless of their intentions, they need to respect your relationship, and not crossover into disrespectful intrusiveness.
Whether it’s your parents, your spouses parents, or your respective siblings, in-laws can actually cause a lot of relationships issues that lead to divorce.
6 Signs It’s Time To Set Boundaries With Your In-Laws
They Show Up Unannounced
You had no plans to see your in-laws, but they just show up at your door whenever they want. You are then expected to drop everything you had planned, whether that was running errands or taking a nap, and host them.
They Criticize Your Parenting
When it comes to your parenting, your in-laws always have a lot to say. You’re holding the baby wrong. You’re not discipling enough. They even have something to say about whether or not you should not be working, because of course they made all the right parenting decisions.
They Give Unsolicited Relationship Advice
They want to try to tell you what you are doing wrong as a wife or husband. Perhaps maybe even your spouse confided in their sibling or parent about some relationship issues you are having, or they are making some assumptions about your relationship. Either way, they are butting in where they don’t belong.
Whether your in-laws have been married for 50 years or they are twice divorced, every relationship is different and no one has all the answers.
They Are Hyper Critical Of Your Partner
Some people will never be perfect enough for daddy’s little girl or a mama’s boy, but interfering in-laws can ruin a relationship by poisoning with words and creating doubt. No one is perfect, but having a parent point out everything that is wrong with your spouse is toxic and unhealthy.
They Make Demands On Your Free Time
You and your spouse like to spend most weekends being cozied up at home or spending time be with friends and being active. However, your parents expect Sunday dinners every week or family game night every Friday. Attendance is required…or else. You love your family, but you are an adult and you get to decide how you spend your free time.
They Emotionally Blackmail
When you and your partner are not complying with all of your in-laws wishes they engage in guilt trips and emotional blackmail. They may call you ungrateful, selfish, or any other term in order to make you feel like crap to get their way. Don’t fall for this. It’s a manipulation tactic used to control.
Family is important, but family can also be a big pain in the butt when they try control you and your partner, and refuse to respect appropriate boundaries. Everyone needs boundaries, even our loved ones.
It can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have, especially with your parents, to tell someone they need to give you and your partner space and respect your established boundaries.
Your marriage and relationship will have many challenges of its own without outside interference. It is better to bite the bullet, and be honest, than to allow overbearing family members to create more problems for you and your partner.
What are your thoughts on dealing with intrusive in-laws? Have you experienced situation? What did you do? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.” ― Susan Forward, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
Breadcrumbing...4 Signs He Is Stringing You Along
You may or may not have heard the term breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is more commonly known as stringing along. Stringing another person along is a cruel and selfish act often found in faux relationships.
Faux relationships are just what you think they are. They are fake. Faux relationship are not real, at least to one of the people in the relationship.
The term breadcrumbing means to offer a little bit of attention and affection here and there to keep someone coming back, without giving them what they really want. In the case of relationships, you may want someone’s love, time, or a commitment, and they offer just enough of themselves to make you think there is hope of a future together.
In order to breadcrumb someone, the breadcrumber may hang out with their target occasionally, and give a booty call here or there, making them hope there is more to the faux relationship. All the while they are keeping them as a backup plan.
If you are unsure if someone is breadcrumbing you, this blog will help you recognize the signs
4 Signs Of Breadcrumbing
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Ghosts You A Lot
When someone is breadcrumbing they tend to drop in and out of your life a lot. They will go long periods of time without seeing you, texting you, and responding to your call or texts.
Won’t Define Relationship
You have no idea if you are lovers, a couple, or just friends. When you ask them how they feel about you, or try to get them to define your relationship, they dodge the question.
Won’t Let You End It
You realize that they never have any intentions of committing to you or formalizing your relationship in any way so you pull away. You cut off contact with them, and start seeing other people and moving on. Just when you are fine with letting them go, here they come wooing you once again.
Caring Then Distant
Once they realize they are losing you, and that your feelings may be changing, they start to give you all the affection and attention you had been craving. They sucker you back in. Once they think they have you back, they suddenly they become distant or disappear again.
Breadcrumbers are selfish, insecure people who will string you along for as long as you allow it. They count on you falling for their manipulations. But remember this, a breadcrumber actually needs you more than you need them. You are a security blanket and a back up plan for them.
They are sad people, but don’t allow them to use you and take advantage of your heart for their own selfish purposes.
What are your thoughts on breadcrumbers? Do you have experience with stringing someone along on being strung along by someone? Please share your thoughts and experience!
How To Spot A Liar...Both In Person And Through Text
I really dislike the word liar, but let's be honest, don’t we all tell the occasional lie? No one wants to be labeled a liar, but most people do not tell the truth all the time. Sure, the motivation for lying may vary from dishonest compliments with the purpose of not hurting someone’s feelings, to self-serving statements to elevate an individual’s status. But a lie is a lie.
Studies have found that most people lie in everyday conversation. No one should be lying and no one wants to be lied to, but there is a big difference between the harmless “white lie”, and the lie meant to deceive, manipulate, or control. It comes down to intent. Ironically, many people lie about never lying.
Some of us are more observant than others at reading people and can tell when we are being lied to, or when someone is lying a little or a lot. Being a human lie detector is a very useful skill that requires attention to detail, a great memory, and the ability to read body language.
If you are not a bonafide human lie detector, here are some tips to help you figure out when someone is lying.
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Signs Someone Is Lying In Person
Avoids Eye Contact
Eyes Shift Frequently
Body Is Still, With Little Hand Movement
Voice May Get Higher In Pitch
Voice and Body Language Do Not Match
Seems Nervous
Clears Throat and Swallows A Lot
Talks Very Fast or Really Slow
Starts To Groom Self
Signs Someone Is Lying Through Text
Over-Explains
Too Much Detail and Unnecessary Info
Delayed Responses To Texts
Text Bubble Starts and Stops A Lot
Avoids Direct Responses To Certain Questions
Changes Subject Without Really Answering Questions
Texting “Voice” Seems Different
If you think someone is lying to you then they probably are. Especially if this is someone you know fairly well, and have had many encounters with them. Trust your gut. Liars have a tell, you just need to pay attention and you will hear them loud and clear.
We are all imperfect humans, who lie occasionally to avoid hurting someone’s feeling, admitting fault, and to save face. It happens. But there is a difference between lying to spare someone pain, and being a self-serving coward who is uses lies to avoid responsibility, avoid difficult conversations, and to use and abuse people.
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsch