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What To Do Before Before Your Peloton Arrives
Once you make the big decision to purchase your Peloton, it can feel like an eternity waiting for it to arrive. The Peloton bike is more popular than ever before since the pandemic struck, keeping many of us at home and closing down gyms.
Searching for workout alternatives led many, including me, to the pricey yet perfect option of the Peloton bike. While you anxiously wait to meet your beautiful machine, there are many things to do in the meantime in preparation and to get your body moving.
Create Your Home Gym Space
One of the things that make the Peloton bike perfect for your home gym is the fact that it does not take up a lot of space. The Peloton bike is five feet long and two feet wide, so it is essentially perfect for tucking into a small space if that is all you have.
I suggest, if you have the room, that you bring in a mat for your bike and yoga mat for workouts. Also, consider adding space for free weights to the area, as well as storage for resistance bands, workout towels, and storage for your cycling shoes.
Download Peloton App
Once you purchase your bike, you are immediately given access to the Pelton app and all of the workouts. You will need to set up your account. You need to select your profile user name and password and start getting familiar with the app on your phone, tablet, or by utilizing your online account.
Your user name can be as unique as you want it to be, and once set up, you can search for any friends you have on Peloton as well. Follow friends or other Peloton members to get inspired or motivated.
Work Out With Peloton
Just because you don’t have your bike yet that doesn’t mean you can’t get your fitness on. Peloton offers just as many workouts off the bike as they do on the bike, and no matter your age, your interests, or fitness level, there is something for everyone.
Peleton offers breakout workouts for strength training, yoga, meditation, stretching, boot camps, and cardio. The cardio breaks out further into HIIT, outdoor running, outdoor walking, barre, and dancing. You also have the option of taking live classes or recorded classes so you can take your favorite classes over and over again.
Get Familiar With The Trainers
Every trainer brings a different vibe and personality to their class and you want to find the vibe that suits you best. So far I have found that all the Peloton trainers are great, but my standout favorites are Chelsea Jackson Roberts and Robin Arzon. Of course, I’m still new to Peloton so I’m sure as I take more classes I will find that other trainers bring out my best as well.
Are you excited about a future with a Peloton bike? I know the price is high so if that is a concern, you can go with the classic bike which is $1895, with monthly payments option of just $49. Or you can choose the Peloton Bike + which is priced at $2495, with a monthly payment option of $64 monthly. I highly recommend it, it will change your life. Use my Referral Code JXDMTG today to save $100 when you purchase your Peloton.
10 Best Ways To Destress and Clear Your Mind
For many people, life feels more stressful now than ever before. The feelings of uncertainty, instability, and vulnerability weigh heavy on many hearts and minds daily, so being able to manage your stress level, and clear your mind to focus and think is a much-needed tool to make it through tough times.
Life is stressful, and while a certain amount of stress is normal and healthy, too much stress can cause serious physical and mental issues.
Unfortunately, there is no magical cure to make all of your problems and worries go away, but there are things you can do to help you cope better.
10 Ways To Destress and Clear Your Mind
Play With A Pet
Animals are wonderful stress relievers. They are loving, and affectionate, and can really be your best friend. If you don’t have a pet, head to the animal shelters and consider giving a home to an animal in need. It’s a win-win decision.
Go For A Walk
Getting outside into the fresh air can do wonders for clearing your head and destressing. The sunshine and vitamin D will almost instantly improve your mood.
Focus On Or Find A Hobby
Hobbies are fun, relaxing, and a great way to spend your free time. Maybe your hobby is bird watching or crocheting, or fixing cars and cooking. Whatever you enjoy doing, dive on in and destress.
Exercise
While walking is technically a form of exercise, you make want to challenge yourself more mentally and physically by doing some cardio and weight training. Hit the gym, or workout at home with free weights, videos, or fitness apps.
Spend Time With Friends
Spend time with people who make things feel lighter and better. Great friends can truly be a lifesaver in times like these. Have your friends over for dinner, or meet up for a hike or drinks.
Take Time For Yourself
Do something just for yourself, whether that means going to the spa or to the gun range. The simple things in life have been missed lately. Going to get your nails done, going to the gym, or just window shopping feel like activities of the past. Normal is different, so allowing yourself the little treats you can is worth it and will help to reduce your stress.
Spend Some Time Alone
While many of us have been in quarantine during the pandemic, we still may not get any alone time. Time alone with our thoughts or time alone with our hobbies. Close the bedroom door or bathroom and give yourself an hour of alone time. You deserve it.
Declutter Your Life
Believe it or not, clutter can make you feel more stressed and unable to focus. Spend a Saturday decluttering your closet, your bedroom, or your kitchen, and you will reap the benefits. Not only are you getting rid of stuff you no longer use or need, but you can also help others in need by donating your stuff.
Volunteer
Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community, give yourself a purpose, and a way to find appreciation for your life. Whether you choose to volunteer at a hospital, at a retirement home, or at a homeless shelter you are likely to come away from your experience less stressed about your own life.
Get More Sleep
Sometimes managing stress is just a simple matter of getting more sleep. Turn off all of the electronics, put on a sleep mask if needed, and get a good night’s rest. When you wake up in the morning, the world and your life will still be the same, but you will have the energy and the focus to face anything that comes your way.
While we cannot control the world around us, we can do our best to manage and control our response in what often feels like chaotic times. Remember, you got this. You will get through this and things will get better.
Are you feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders? What do you do to destress and clear your mind? Please your share experience and advice!
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” - Albert Einstein
5 Signs Your Guy Friend Is Romantically Interested In You
There is a never-ending debate about whether or not men and women can just be friends. Can men and women just be friends without romantic feelings sneaking in for one or both of them? There is no right answer because everyone is different.
Just like people, friendships evolve over time. Some friendships become closer, while other friendships grow apart, and some friends develop romantic feelings for one another and fall in love.
Perhaps you suspect that your guy friend is interested in you romantically, even though he may not have vocalized his love for you. Here’s the thing, he doesn’t need to declare his love for you for his feelings to be obvious. Here are the five signs to looks for if you think your guy friend is romantically interested in you.
5 Signs He’s Romantically Interested In You
He Flirts With You
You are “just friends” with your guy pal, but sometimes when hanging out with him you get flirty vibes. He gives lots of eye contact, sits a little too close, and is very touchy. If hanging out with your guy friend suddenly starts to feel like dates, it may be because he’s romantically interested and trying to date you.
Also depending on how long you have been friends, you may have witnessed his behavior with girlfriends or with girls he liked. Ask yourself if he is displaying the same types of behaviors towards you.
He Always Wants To Hang Out Alone
You and your guy friend are part of a group of friends, but if he suddenly starts suggesting activities for just the two of you, or if he tries to hang back with you after everyone else has departed, you are seeing big signs he is likely romantically interested in you.
Another tactic in this area is inviting you out or over to his house, giving you the impression that others will be there, but it ends up being just the two of you.
He Goes Above and Beyond For You
Friends help each other out, but your guy friend will go above and beyond and do more than you even asked. He will help you move, pick you up from the airport, take care of your dog if you go out of town, and take care of you if you are sick.
The bottom line is he does for you what he doesn’t do for other friends. Maybe you two are just better friends but it may also be because he’s in love with you.
He’s Generous With You
Your guy friend who is romantically interested in you will be very generous with his time and money when it comes to you. Whenever you go two go out together he suddenly starts picking up the tab for everything.
He will also give you the best gifts because of course, he remembers your birthday and wants to make your Christmas extra special. A huge sign he’s interested romantically is receiving a jewelry gift or a very personally meaningful gift from him.
He Jokes About You Two Being A Couple
Saying the things we really want to say while disguising the words as a joke is a passive-aggressive way to express our true feeling. If your guy friend is always joking about how you two are practically a couple, or how everyone thinks you are his girlfriend, it’s his way of trying to put those thoughts in your head and tell you what he really wants.
Whether or not you believe that men and women can just be friends without feelings or sex getting involved, I think many of us have experienced at least one friendship that evolved from friends to more than friends. Once you have confirmation of your guy pal’s feeling you can then make a determination of how you want to move forward.
If you are interested in him as well just go with the flow and spend more one on one time together and allow things to develop organically. But if you are not interested, you can either start dropping hints that you only like him as a friend or you can have “the talk”. If this friendship is important to you, I suggest you tread lightly regardless of how you feel because the future of your friendship could be in jeopardy.
What are your thoughts on recognizing the signs of a guy friend becoming romantically interested in you? What would you do or have done in the past when a guy friend expressed romantic interested in you? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“...I told him a story of two people. Two people who shouldn't have met, and who didn't like each other much when they did, but who found they were the only two people in the world who could possibly have understood each other.” ― Jojo Moyes, Me Before You
Love Languages...The Importance Of Knowing Your Love Language
Every person has their own unique love language. Our individual love language is the basic way we show our romantic love for our partner or potential partner, and also how we perceive reciprocation of that love from our romantic partner.
Love Language is a term coined by author Gary Chapman in his book titled “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”. The book discusses five general categories of how we express our love and I could not agree more with the categories.
In order to benefit from the language information in your current or future relationships, it is important to recognize how you prefer to give and receive love. I also believe it is important to be matched with a mate whose love language aligns with your own.
The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. As we go through each of love language try to determine which ones you use, and which ones you want to receive in a relationship to feel happy and fulfilled.
By the end of this blog, you should be able to identify your love language, both the way you show love and the way you want to receive love.
The Five Love Languages and How to Determine Your Love Language
Words of Affirmation
Word of affirmation are words of validation and appreciation. Many of us want and need to hear that we are loved and appreciated. We want to hear that we are doing a great job, that we are capable, and that we are enough. These words of affirmation can carry a lot of weight when coming from our partner.
It is also important to take note of how frequently you express words of affirmation to your partner. Are words of affirmation one of the ways you show love?
Acts of Service
Acts of service are about showing your loved one how you feel through your actions. Doing things for your partner or love interest “just because” can often be subtle but one of the sweetest ways to show your love. Simple things such as filling up their gas tank, bringing them lunch, or picking up their dry cleaning are examples of acts of service and doing for them.
Do you expect your partner to do regular acts of service in your relationship, and if they don’t do you think they love you less, or is it not a big deal to you?
Receiving Gifts
Receiving and giving gifts is like giving tokens of love and affection for some. The importance of giving and receiving gifts varies from person to person. Some people love to give gifts to others, especially their mates, but they want very little in return.
While certain individuals don’t expect or want frequent gifts from their partner, for some others, they see a direct correlation between the gifts they receive from their partner and how much they believe their partner cares about them.
Quality Time
Quality time with your partner means giving them your undivided attention. Your time is everything. We never seem to have enough of it, so how much or how little time you expect and make for your partner may be a reflection of your heart but also speaks to your love language.
If you make the time for quality time with your partner and view it as important to do so then quality time is one of your love languages.
Physical Touch
Humans need physical touch, but not all humans desire or are satisfied by the same level of physical touch. While one partner may be perfectly content to just kiss, hold hands, and snuggle the majority of the time, the other partner may feel the need for more sexual intimacy to feel connected and show their love.
Whether you enjoy nightly cuddles or intense rolls in the sack, physical touch can still be your love language, but it is helpful if your partner is fluent in your dialect.
After reading this blog I hope you are now able to identify your love language and your partner’s as well. Knowing both of your love languages will help explain why you are ridiculously happy in your relationship or why you are feeling like something is missing. Remember, we are who we are. We cannot force anyone to change. We either accept them or choose to move on.
What are your thoughts on love languages? Do you recognize your love language? Do you recognize your partner’s love language? Does having this information change anything for you? Please share your thoughts and experience with love languages!
“You cannot force someone to accept an expression of love. You can only offer it. If it is not accepted, you must respect the other person's decision.” ― Gary Chapman
What To Do When You Love Them But Don't See A Future Together?
It sounds crazy to think that you could be in love with someone, madly even perhaps, but you have a nagging feeling telling you that he’s not the one. That feeling takes over and it becomes virtually impossible to see a future with someone you care so much for.
I am all about trusting your gut instincts, but I am also about analyzing and asking why we feel this way. Is it really a gut instinct talking or is there a bias, a judgment, or an unrealistic standard holding you back from finding true love.
When you don’t see a future with someone the right thing to do is to walk away, but before you do, I suggest you ask yourself these questions first.
Questions To Ask Before Walking Away From A Relationship
Am I Embarrassed For People To Meet Him"?
Is he is older or younger than the typical guy you date? Or perhaps a little shorter or balder than you are comfortable with?
You have every right to want a certain type of man, but if any of the above is the reason you do not see a future with them, you are being shallow and may regret your decision to walk away in the long run.
Do I Think He’s Good Enough?
This is a tough question to ask ourselves and even tougher to admit when the answer is negative. Does he come from a poor family or the wrong side of the tracks and this bothers you?
If he is a good man, with a good heart who treats you well, you need to think twice before dismissing him as not being good enough.
Does His Income or Job Matter To Me?
Maybe you need a partner who makes a lot of money or at least more than you do. Sometimes it’s about status or material things, or maybe you are just a traditionalist, but either way, you cannot see yourself with a man who doesn’t make a lot of money or doesn’t make more money than you.
Good, available men are not easy to come by, so you may need to ask yourself what’s more important.
Do We Want Different Things?
They say opposites attract but making it work with someone who views the world differently, and wants different things in life can be challenging and perhaps somewhat disheartening.
If he wants different things, it is not your job to convince him otherwise. And if you are certain of the future you want, or don’t want, that may be a very good reason to walk away.
Will I Be Happier Without Him?
In the beginning, you were all starry-eyed and full of hope of a future together, but as you drifted from cloud nine back down to earth you realized that a future with this man may not make you as happy as you once thought. The masks fell off and you didn’t like what you saw.
There is no judgment here because you have every right to decide what you want and don’t want in a partner. And let’s be honest, only you know deep down inside the real answers to these questions. However, if you are being honest with yourself, you fell in love with this person for a reason, and since they are not a violent, horrible person (otherwise this would be a different conversation), it begs to question what prevents you from seeing a future with them?
Have you ever been in a situation where you love someone but didn’t see a future with them? If so, what did you do? What advice would you give? Please share your thoughts or story!
“Real love" - "This kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Pros and Cons of Dating Someone Younger
While some believe that age is just a number, others believe that dating younger men is a waste of time. It can be hard to meet a great guy, especially when are limiting our own pool of candidates with very specific requirements.
For centuries men have been courting and marrying younger women, and it is still the socially accepted norm. But when a woman dates a younger man tongues start wagging and people tend to be a little more judgemental.
The truth of the matter is that when a woman dates a younger man there are pros and cons to that relationship. Every woman has to decide if a relationship with a younger man is ultimately for her or if she is just having fun.
Pros Of Dating A Younger Man
Flattering
We all have a little vanity. It feels good to feel attractive. It feels good to still be able to catch the eye of men as we age, especially when the man is younger.
Dating a younger man can make a woman feel like “she’s still got it”.
Exciting
As we age we tend to be more cautious and practical, but dating a younger man will force you out of your comfort zone and make life a little wild again.
Also, the fact that the older woman, younger man relationship tends still be considered taboo can make the older woman feel like she is a rule-breaker and being naughty, especially if she has always played by the rules.
Great Sex
Let’s be honest, a man’s sex drive doesn’t usually increase as he ages. His testosterone levels drop and he is more likely to suffer from ailments that cause impotence. Dating a younger man with a revved-up sex drive is what every single older woman needs in her life, if only for a little while.
Makes You Feel Younger
Depending on the age gap, there may be significant differences in tastes of music, food, and friends. Hanging out with your younger guy in his element can make you feel young again. His world can feel new, almost foreign, but also cool and different.
Cons Of Dating A Younger Man
Compatibility Issues
Age gaps can create compatibility issues. You are likely to have different tastes in music, different hobbies, and vastly different life experiences.
Maybe you’re a Gen X and he’s a Millennial. You grew up in different times and different world views and events shaped your childhood and points of view.
Not Equals
As we gain more life experience and professional experience, we become more knowledgeable and successful. Where we are at in our career and finances in our 30’s versus where we are at in our 40’s can be significantly different.
Chances are, the older woman is more settled in her career and more financially stable than her younger beau is in his career and finances. The disparity in success and finances may prove challenging and may make the man in the relationship feel inferior and emasculated.
Maturity Issues
Some people are just naturally more mature than others, and everyone is different, but when dating a younger man maturity may be an issue. He likely hasn’t experienced nearly as much in his life yet as his older woman partner has, so he may not be as thoughtful, responsible, or as reliable as she would like.
A woman can find her happily ever after with a younger man, but of course, just like any other relationship, there will be some issues to address and overcome. Depending on the age gap, different ages can also mean different stages in life.
Getting married, buying a home, having children, and planning for retirement are all big topics that come into play in any serious relationship, but can be more time-sensitive for an older woman/younger man relationship.
What are your thoughts on dating a younger man? Have you ever or are your currently dating a younger man? What is your experience and would you date a younger man again? Please share your story and experience!
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” ― Leo Tolstoy
The 5 Traits That Attract Women To Men The Most
Just like women, men come in all different shapes and sizes. We all have a type, a personal preference so to speak. That one thing we look for in man after man. It could be dark hair, dark skin, or green eyes, but that's all aesthetics, right?
I am not going to lie, looks do matter, but only so much. I think often times we can meet people, and have that instant physical attraction, which is normal. But based on a guys personality, their visual appeal can go down hill very fast if talking to him is like watching paint dry. Or even worse, he knows he's good looking, and is an arrogant tool.
Ultimately, once you get passed the looks, whether someone is gorgeous, plain, or unattractive, it comes down to other attributes. Suddenly that plain faced or chubby guy, who once didn't warrant a second look is all you can think about.
Personalities, senses of humor, and intelligence all ultimately matter when it comes to attraction because attraction is not always just about the physical. Women will also want a mental and emotional attraction.
Here Are The 5 Trait That Attract Women To Men
Intelligence
He doesn't need to be Ivy League, but women want a guy that can hold his own intellectually. He must be able to sustain a conversation about various topics and show that he is knowledgeable. Smart men are sexy, and smart men can appreciate smart women.
Kindness
Women want a good man, and this starts with kindness. A man that is kind to others, will be kind and respectful to his woman. Kindness can be shown in the simplest ways.
A good indicator of kindness, or lack thereof, is how a man treats people in the service industry, such as waiters and housekeepers. If he thinks they are beneath him, then he is not worth your time.
Sense Of Humor
A good sense of humor is a must, and a guy who can make a girl laugh is very attractive. There will be tough days, and tough times, and having a guy who can bring some lightness is a treasure.
It also helps when a man doesn’t take himself too seriously and can laugh at himself.
Generous
There are many ways for a man to be generous. He can be generous with his time, generous with his money, and generous in bed. Generous men are men to be appreciated.
A generous man gives because he wants to not because he expects something in return. He is usually kind and caring, which are both wonderful attributes.
Confidence
Guys who are cocky, or arrogant are big turn offs. A man who is sure of himself, knows what he is about, and knows his worth are the things that make a confident man very sexy. He doesn't need to tear down others, or constantly have his ego stroked, but he has a certain air about him that makes a woman believe in him.
No man or woman is perfect, but we all have expectations and minimum requirements of what is needed in a potential partner. A good personality, and being of strong character are much more important and valuable than looks or money in the long run. After all, looks fade, and while money is nice, it will not make you laugh, it will stimulate mentally, and it will offer you comfort in your darkest times.
What are your thoughts? Do you agree with the list? What traits attract you? Please share your story or experience!
“One can love any man that is generous.” - Leigh Hunt
Can Two Type A Personalities Make A Relationship Work? Here's How To Make It Work
It’s no secret that in order to have a healthy, successful relationship you will need to be able to compromise with your partner. However, it is also no secret that some people are far less willing to compromise than others, relationship or not.
In relationships, one half of the couple tends to be more assertive and takes the lead so to speak, while the other partner may be more passive or less decisive. But what happens when both partners are assertive decision-makers who like to have their own way?
Type A personality people tend to be outgoing, ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. Type A personalities are often successful and hard working.
So the question I pose is, “ can two Type A’s be able to make a relationship work?” Will a relationship of two Type A’s lack the balance all relationships need? Possibly. Or can two Type A’s who are extremely compatible strike the right balance and make things work? I have always believed that compatibility and chemistry are the most important elements for a lasting relationship.
I think two Type A’s can find everlasting love, and here’s how they would do it.
How To Make It Work With Two Type A Personalities
Choose Your Battles
We all like to have things our own way, but not all “wants” are that big of a deal to you, so why battle for it? Meaning, let the little things go, but speak up and stand up for what counts. If you don’t care all that much about where you go for dinner then let your partner pick, but if the new bedroom wall color matters then make your feelings known.
Be Considerate
Think about what your partner likes, wants, and needs. Let it be about them sometimes without it having to be a discussion or a fight. You are both Type A’s so you are known for speaking your mind. For example, you know a wet towel on the floor drives your partner crazy, and even though you don’t think it’s a big deal, you make the effort to pick up your towel.
There will be issues in your relationship that are not a big deal to you, such as a wet towel on the floor, but it costs you nothing to hang up the towel and avoid frustrating your partner.
Be Mature
Relationship maturity is as much about understanding yourself as it is about understanding your partner. As we grow, we learn, hopefully. Take the high road in disagreements, and fight fair because with your aggressive personalities things could get pretty heated with two Type A’s.
Communicate
Good communication is always a must for any healthy relationship, but with two Type A personalities the communication needs to be stepped up a notch because you both may be used to doing more talking than listening.
Respect Them
The Type A personality types are badasses. They are go-getters, who are often fearless. Give each other the kudos you deserve, respect who they are, and do not ask them to be less than they are for you.
Two mature Type A personalities in a relationship make the ultimate power couple. They know how to play off of each other’s strengths and they understand the importance of knowing when to lead in the relationship, when to take a backseat, and when to allow their partner to shine.
What are your thoughts on two type A’s making a relationship work? Is this relationship possible in your opinion? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.” – Kavita Ramdas
Death Of A Marriage...6 Reasons Marriages Become Unhappy
When I first started blogging about relationships 4 years ago, I was not sure what to expect as far as interest in what I had to say, because let’s be honest, much like food blogs, the market is flooded with relationship advice as well.
In writing my blogs, I have striven to provide a unique perspective based on personal experiences, observations, research, and interviews. Over the years, my audience has grown, and I am so proud of the unexpected success, but I believe much of my success can be contributed to one blog in particular that continues to draw to the largest audience daily.
Two years ago I wrote an article titled 8 Signs You Are Not A Couple Anymore…You’re Just Roommates. The Roommates article has resonated with so many readers and continues to provide nearly 40% percent of the daily traffic to my blog, with over 1,000 daily views.
Over the years, I have received many heartbreaking emails and comments from people feeling trapped and unhappy in their marriage, and recognizing they are just roommates. Between hearing from readers, doing research, and seeing what family and friends have gone through, I have definitely started to view marriage through a different prism.
When you think about the high divorce rate, which is currently approximately 40% depending on your age and where you live, and how many people we all know who are staying in marriages for reasons other than happiness and love, that equates to a lot of unhappy people.
So, the question is, why do so many marriages become unhappy, and is that seemingly inevitable unhappiness preventable? The short answer is yes if you know the causes. Here’s 6 reasons marriages become unhappy.
6 Reasons Marriages Become Unhappy
No Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling is highly recommended to get a marriage started off right. Premarital counseling provides a facilitated forum to discuss marital expectations and concerns of each partner prior to saying “I do” because you both should have an idea of what your partner expects of a husband or wife in a marriage.
Idealized Marriage
Marriage is not a fairytale, despite what the stories tell you. In fact, choose the wrong mate and your marriage can end up a horror story. Your spouse is not going to be Prince Charming sweeping you off your feet non-stop. He will burp, fart, and may be a complete slob at times, who does not help around the house or with the kids as much as you would like.
Obligated/Forced To Marry
You got married because your religion dictated it or you were pregnant and felt obligated to get married. Honestly, I think any marriage that required or pressure for one or both partners to commit doesn’t stand much of a chance at a happy union.
Immature When Married
It doesn’t matter if you are 20, 30, or 40 when you get married, because it is not only about age. Immaturity does not necessarily just mean young because maturity is a mental state. Some people never grow up, and some never make sound decisions regardless of how many years they are on this earth.
Keeping Up With The Joneses
You married because everyone your age was doing it and you did not want to be outdone by anyone or feel like a loser for still being single. Playing the game of keeping up is a fast track to unhappiness and debt. People who focus more on the outward than the inward are never very happy with themselves and definitely not with their partners.
Ignoring/Not Addressing Issues
You have not been paying attention to your marriage. If this blog applies to you, you may have been reading this thinking, nope this is definitely not me or my marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s not your spouse. I get emails all the time from unhappy spouses who feel trapped in their marriage and I always encourage them to discuss their feeling with their spouse.
Of course, most people recognize that things are off with their marriage but are not sure sometimes how to fix it, and in some cases, if they even want to fix it. I think the death of a marriage is preventable for some marriages, and not so much for others. Sheer determination and love will not make a person who no longer loves you want to be with you, no matter what you do.
I believe the death of a marriage can be prevented if two mature individuals willingly enter the relationship with open hearts and minds, be completely honest with each other and themselves, and focus on building up their partner and their relationship.
What are your thoughts on the death of a marriage? What advice would you give? Do you agree with the assessment? Please share your thoughts and experience!
Relationship Expectations…5 Signs Your Relationship Expectations Are Unreasonable
Nothing kills a relationship faster than unmet expectations, but so many questions come to mind when discussing this topic. Chances are if you’re feeling disappointed in your partner’s failure to meet your expectations, they are probably feeling disappointed in themselves or feeling some kind of way about your reaction to their alleged letdown.
During relationships, I expect love and respect and consider them non-negotiables. However, I do recognize that my partner’s time and money are theirs to do with what they want and are up for negotiation, such as who pays for dinner or if we go to my family’s barbeque.
In case you need to be reminded, your partner is not a mind reader. But more importantly, while you are focusing on how disappointed you are in your partner you need to ask yourself a few questions first, because maybe, just maybe your expectations are not reasonable.
Signs Your Expectations Are Unreasonable
You’ve Been Told So In The Past
If you have been told in the past by ex-boyfriends, lovers, or husbands, that you are too demanding or that your relationship expectations are unreasonable maybe they are.
It’s either you’re unreasonable or you keep picking the wrong people. Keep in mind that both can be true.
Your Partner Says So
It’s like your old relationship is on replay. Your current partner has pointed out that your expectations are unfair or unreasonable.
You place demands on their time, their money, and their treatment of you but fail to recognize the double standard, especially when they are not allowing you to call the shots.
You Make Up Random Rules
You just make up relationship rules as you go along. Your partner “always” has to do this, or can “never “ do that, because if they don’t follow your rules that means that they do not love you.
Of course, these made-up rules are a double standard and do not apply to you. These rules come up situationally, and at your convenience.
Not Based On Love
You often equate love to material things. The saying, “it’s the thought that counts” doesn’t mean much to you. People show their love in many ways.
A simple gesture of filling up your gas tank weekly when they notice it’s getting low is a thoughtful, loving gesture, but since it wasn’t the expensive gift you pointed out that you wanted, you feel disappointed instead of appreciative.
You Keep Losing People
You keep losing people from your life, which is the number one red flag that you are unreasonable, difficult, and maybe even toxic. Whether it be romantic partners, or family members or friends, your unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a partner, a sister, or a friend, your behavior pushes people away.
I always recommend that you set expectations and boundaries early on in a relationship, but be careful about being unrealistic, self-serving, and demanding. Demands in a relationship will often be viewed as hostile, and I for one do not negotiate with terrorists, and neither should you or your partner.
What are your thoughts on relationship expectations? Do you agree or disagree with my article? Should someone be expected to tamp down their expectations in a relationship or would that be considered settling? Please share your thoughts and experience!
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life